11 days...

...Into my 20th year, and I'm already being reminded of responsibility all over the place. I've already gone a quarter to a fifth of my life... what have I done with it so far? I can't wait till I'm 21. In fact, I think I'll move out in August. Who knows, maybe I'll have to stay in Maryland for school, but if I'm going to LeTourneau, I'm going to Texas. There are a few things wrapped up in that statement, and some that follow from them, see if you can decipher them all. ;-)

2 days till I see my girlfriend, I can't wait! Though I have to... Anywho, I haven't been late enough for the boss to take away my vacation, except for today, when he's being merciful and giving me an hour off for family photos, with a condition. I need to be in the store (presumably clocked in) by 13:00 on the dot or I no longer have a job at JC's. Not the best thing in the world, but it's better than nothing, and instead of everybody losing, it's a compromise of sorts. I just wish my parents saw my job as a real job. They haven't been supportive of it from the start, saying I need experience in my field, which is true, but I've got a job that I wouldn't be able to hold anywhere else, and if they want me to do school instead of work, what kind of message are they sending there? how do they expect me to pay car insurance or cell phone bills (or unexpected things like speeding tickets... ugh)? I'll have to hold a job and work for the rest of my college career probably, even if it's delivering pizzas. I'll most definitely have to work on getting things done, like homework and devotions. But other than that, I'll be out of my parents house in 2 years at the max. If things go well, that is, if God decides to bless my path, things may turn out differently. I think I'll go start building credit now.

-Gilligan (Vingtième anné)

BLOG!

SIXTEEN DAYS!

It's the season

for Christmas ROCKING!!!

Now that we're almost a week into December, I believe it is high time to start listening to some Christmas music. And so I've got Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Mannheim Steamroller, Relient K and TobyMac's holiday albums running in shuffle on my computer. Yay Christmas!

In all honesty, I think that music is a wonderful thing, but that the radio stations play the same stuff over and over, which annoys me. That's also one of the main reasons I don't really listen to much radio.

-Gilligan(Christmas Rock Opera!)

Another Monday

And another day goes whizzing by. Today I got up in time for most of my history class. Darn those '8 o'clock's! Grr... Why do I ever think I can take them? Oh, right, because it was the only class available. Grr...again. Anywho, I made it to class, ten minutes late, so I caught most of it. It stinks that the part where American History gets interesting, I start missing classes. Not cool. I'll have to get the notes for the last two classes on Wednesday.

Also, I've got a presentation on Wednesday, and a program due in a week. Yay CIS and Data Structures.

Tomorrow, I shall go forth and get my name out there, talking with some folks in business, sticking my foot in the door for an (unpaid, six month, 6-18 hrs/wk) internship... I guess I should work up a resume first... maybe I can just ask them what they'd like to see on it. Yay me.

Let's see... seems like the rest of the week is going well, oh, and I'm gonna visit one of my good friends, who just got out of surgery Saturday. Should be fun, I'll stay for an hour or so, then be on my way.

Can I think of anything else? Oh, my girlfriend's in a choir! And they had a concert! I get to see the video when I go out to Cali in less than a month. I can't wait... *sigh* gonna be great... *sigh again with a smile.*

That about wraps up this blurb of a blog, hope you all have a wonderful December, we're supposed to get snow on Thursday! (But you know how accurate the weatherman is... ;-)

-Gilligan(chilly)

Well, NaBloPoMo is over

And Thanksgiving took priority. Yay food! :-p Oh well, better luck next year, and hey, maybe even the rest of this year. Who knows? I'll probably blog about books I'm reading, movies I've seen, and of course the normal day-to-day stuff, and special stuff like the fact that I'm realizing I screwed myself... er, didn't read the fine print... on some rebates from CompUSA. Needless to say, I will be returning some merchandise (2/3), getting rebates on another (1/3) and selling it, and recouping good money in the process. Also, I shall be selling stuffs on eBay to recoup some cash, and praying I get those rebates I sent for on those items. So, if you'd like to help a fellow blogger out, get some neat tech toys for cheap, and have a wonderful Christmas all around, check out my eBay seller page... uh... as soon as I set up a seller account/ upgrade my buyer account. Shoot. How does that work? More research before finals... woot.

Thanks for an excellent month of posts!

-Gilligan

Yesterday, not so fun

Title says it all. Basically, a bunch of stuff happened, I found out I was more in debt than I've ever been, and that I need to find out what monies I'll be getting back from rebates and whether I should just return the stuff rather than selling it, and I got home late from school and found out I had to pick my brother up from his Wednesday night group, I didn't get to talk to my girlfriend as long as I wanted to because we were working on school, I found out I'll be working early on Saturday morning, and as I was getting into my car earlier, my watch band broke, specifically the plastic loop that the strap goes through to hold it as the Velcro folds back on itself, snapped. (Did you know that Velcro is a proper noun? Google does.) Luckily I have come up with a solution for that one. Now I just need to find a paper clip or two. Why can't God give me just one thing to deal with at a time? /end rant.

-Gilligan(moving on, over burning bridges)

Money and me, they don't mix.

I need money!

Ok ok... so I don't really need to buy the stuff I bought. But I got great deals on them, and I'm going to get rebates and sell them for more money than I ultimately paid. But that doesn't help when I've got insurance and phone bills to pay for, gas to buy, as well as payments on a computer and paintball gun. (Although I think the gun is completely mine now...) PLUS a whopping speeding ticket for more money than I've had in my account over the past month.

I'm a spender. and a bad one at that. I NEED a budget, but I never keep up with it. I've tried several times, to no avail. I just need to not buy anything except for gas, and fast food maybe twice a month. Maybe I'll skip the burgers... (But Five Guys is sooo good.) I'm a college kid, and I'm turning into a poor college kid. I wasn't rich before, but now I'm in debt. A lot. Not cool at all.

Gilligan(3rd Steward)

Epic fail.

Never... I repeat... Never assume.

Especially when your girlfriend sends a pic. To your phone. After she's was just talking about trying an outfit. And you had just mentioned taking a pic. And especially when the pic is nothing like what she described because that's not something she'd take a picture of anyways. Always take your time looking at the picture before you reply. If anything... even the slightest bit, doesn't look right, or like what you expect. MAKE SURE you know what you're talking about in the next text.

Ok, that was a random rant that nobody knows the context of and nobody needs to. I'm fine, she's fine, and I'm going to bed. Right after I finish my term project.

Gilligan(hasty judgment never wins)

Mint is awesome.

Well I finally set up Mint, a clean, easy interface for your finances. It's pretty great. I did have to hack my online bank account to get all the security questions it needed, but once I got that out of the way it's a piece of cake. Mint shows you your account balances, spending history, alerts you to over budget spending, and even gives you ways you can save (or earn) money, by switching to another account or bank. One of my savings accounts isn't earning any interest at my current bank, so Mint suggested that I move it to a different bank with 5.01% APR interest! Pretty snazzy, I'd say. I'd love it if you could compare banks arbitrarily, but the different systems are probably closed and difficult for an independent company such as Mint to get into. Such is the world of banking.

There's your brief update for today. Have a great rest of the month! And if you use online banking, check out Mint today!

-Gilligan

Well that stinks...

This thanksgiving was good, except that I was so distracted by work and play that I forgot to blog. ...ever-forgetful, that's me. Oh well, and I was going to win this one too! :-p

Word from the wise: Life is tough. If your girlfriend is being vulnerable with you, choose your words very carefully, or your attempts to help or think things out or be logical will only feel like daggers to her beating heart. And don't even think of asking her to be strong, because she needs you, not a stone wall.

Gilligan(wandering and rambling)

Contacts

Well, I changed my contacts today. This may not seem like a significant event, especially considering they are monthly contacts, which means I'm supposed to throw them out every month and use a new pair. However, this is the 21st day of November, and I've been using this pair of contacts since a week or so into October, and, I haven't taken them out of my eyes for the past three or four weeks, with little to no ill effects. In fact, my eyes felt dry, naked and unprotected without them. Perhaps that is an ill effect. But I can see!

Now, I'm not completely sure this is healthy, so I'll ask my optometrist about it after the holiday, but I do recall hearing her mention that some people can wear their contacts day and night without worry. I believe I am one of those people. Yay for non-stop semi-clear vision! I may need to get my prescription readjusted... but they're difficult to perfect, and I've still got six pairs left or so, so I'll probably just have to deal with a tiny bit of blurriness.

-Gilligan(mostly-clearsighted)

Headache.

I've got one.

No post tonight. :-/

-Gilligan

Elevation and Expectations

Ok, so I just found out that my city's elevation is 33 feet above sea level... 33 FEET! Whereas my girlfriend's parents' town is more than 3000 feet above sea level... And I'm going up there for New Years... Dang... it's gonna be cold, and I won't be able to breath. Sounds like an awesome plan. :-p

Oh, and my girlfriend is turning into much more of a planner than she used to be... it's fun watching (or rather, listening to) her go at the calendar and scribble scribble scribble... :-)

Which I should be doing much more of... homework and all that. Meh. Tomorrow is another day, and aside from hanging out with friends for a while for lunch, I think I'll try to get something accomplished.

-Gilligan

Thank God I have a girlfriend

If not, I wouldn't be updating this every day, and I'd be out of the running for NaBloPoMo. :-p

Also, I wouldn't have someone to talk with late at night... or flirt with... or go to Candy Mountain with... Oh, wait. That's later. DANGIT!

Anywho, I love my girlfriend, and she loves me. We were recently talking about how our relationship (of approximately 7 and a half months) has lost its luster, so to say... "It's not shiny anymore." I blame it mostly on the fact that we're talking about serious things most of the times that we do talk, because we don't really have time to talk about frivolous things, since we're FREAKING 1,000 MILES APART! *ughsigh* I want her... rather, I want to be with her... next to her... to see her... Oh!

Speaking of which, she just recently got a laptop with an integrated webcam. Unfortunately, it's an HP pavilion, and she doesn't know if it will work under Linux (of the Ubuntu 7.04 variety), which she promptly installed after receiving it. I think it will, it will just take some finagling... and then I need to get a webcam myself. hmph. Got any ideas? I'm sure my vast readership of 5 might have some ideas... :-p

In any case, I shall sign off, and mention that I myself run Ubuntu 7.10. Go Linux!

-Gilligan

Birthday!

So, it's my birthday in a month... I'll be the big 2-0. Yippee.
Even better, I'll be two weeks away from seeing my love!
Yay!

No blog?

Blog!

I got a speeding ticket tonight.

In other news, I'm stupid.
This news bulletin brought to you by Harford County cops.

The end (of my spotless driving record).

Too much to do

Not enough motivation to do it all... Or rather I'm feeling like a lazy bum. Guess that means I'll just be working more this weekend. As usual. :-\

I really feel... drained. I don't know. Probably because it's nearing the end of the semster, and I'm stuck playing a little bit of catch-up, which is never good, and I'd told myself I wouldn't put myself in this situation again. *sigh* Oh well. Here it goes! See you all in the morning.

Oh Lordy...

Whatever am I to do? Here's little young me... wanting ever so much to be finished school and on to the next stage in life... and also wanting some of that stage to be near. I love Laura... and it hurts. It hurts to be so far away, and to not have the warmth of her smile, the twinkle of her eyes, even the coolness of her tears nearby, that I might partake in their beauty, in her, every bit... Lord thank you for beauty.

I am a wistful soul, torn between father and lover. Sounds like a Shakespeare play, doesn't it? Thank you for wit, Lord.

I want to take charge, to head in a direction and have God lead me on from there. I think that' what I'll do. I just need to pick up the map and go. Well, first I need to draw out a map, make up my mind on a direction, and then go. God help us, please?

As far as directions go, I've got a dozen and one ways to go about it, and none of them match up with either Laura's plans or my dad's plans... They're all (mostly) somewhere in between. Lord help me plan.

The bible says to "commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3, NLT) Well, I'm committing my actions!

Psalm 37 is also rich with guidance...

Psalm 37:3-5 (NLT)

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.

Psalm 37:7 (NLT)

7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Well now... what am I supposed to do but act and pray God leads me on the right path? My plan now is to continue progressing through school, pick out a couple important times and start planning for them. If God doesn't want me to, then He can show me.

Signing off - The Beaver.

Post.

Blegh...

Hello again

Goodness.... we're halfway through the month, and I'm running quickly out of ideas... stories... anecdotes to fill the blathering pages of my withering blog...

Anybody got any ideas? Stories you'd like me to make up? Advice you'd like me to give? I'm almost desperate...

Oh, school. Yeah it's alright. Got a quiz in History coming up on Monday. Fun fun.

I'm still talking with my girlfriend... she's still awesome.

I'm still running Ubuntu on my laptop, and it's working well. I haven't gone back to windows for much of anything... Though I will have to clean everything out eventually.

And life marches on. Sorry tonight isn't much of an update... I'm in a bit of a dry spell. Better luck tomorrow! Leave comments!

Gilligan

Awesome mice

I got myself a new mouse for my laptop. It rocks!
It's small, wireless, and turns itself off after a time of disuse.
And it was only 30 bucks! (I unfortunately missed the $20 rebate by a day)
No, this isn't a product placement, I just don't have much to report on my life today.

I talked with my parents about school and stuff... How I shouldn't multitask while doing homework, and that I shouldn't stay up late on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. *sigh* They have a point.
Grr on graduating late.

Aaand tomorrow I get to have breakfast with Dori! Yay!

So, there's my brief update... Tomorrow is school, so I need to head to bed.

Darn blisters...

Well, it's a known fact: Blisters are annoying. I wish I had a pic, but my camera has gone into hiding, probably anticipating my very thought of taking a picture of the thing on my hand. It actually isn't horrible, it's just a little sore, and should be gone in a month and a half.

Meanwhile, I shall listen to music and ignore the homework I should be doing. No, wait. I guess I'll do some while I wait for my girlfriend to get online.

I do way too much planning. I love it. I'm already thinking about when Laura will come out next August, and I've only just figured out the plane tickets for New Years when I go out to California and meet Laura's family. :-)

It's getting colder outside... currently 35 degrees Fahrenheit... dang. Could be seeing snow in a couple weeks. Oh boy...

Well there you have it, several random thoughts for the day. Wish I had more, but it's late. Maybe I'll blog twice tomorrow, once after church and once at night. Perhaps...

Anywho, Gilligan signing off.

Move to the beat

I enjoy music. Anyone who knows me probably knows this. In fact, I like music so much that I've got more music than I've ever listened to on my hard drive. Actually, most of that stuff consists of albums I've heard one or two tracks from and decided to get the whole album. I think I'll have to go through and delete the stuff I really don't listen to anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, most of it's good, but it just doesn't hold my interest. Also, I'm running out of room. I need to do a full system clean out anyways. Items on that list?

1. Wipe Windows partition, start afresh, possibly in a Virtual machine


2. Increase Ubuntu Partition, or separate home partition


3. Go through and clean out all:


• Documents,


• Videos,


• Pictures, and


• Music


4. Properly tag and organize my music


5. Install native EvE Online client on Ubuntu


6. And maybe even install Kubuntu

Notice the technical nature of all of those? Yes. I am a geek. And sorry ladies, but I'm already taken. :-p And she loves me!

Have a good weekend all, I shall wake up in the early morn (after getting an hour extra sleep) and go to work. The rest of you will have a wonderful Saturday I'm sure.

Gilligan

Phantom Cell Chargers

Have you ever experienced the phenomonon where you lose something, then buy a replacement, and immediately find whatever it was you thought you'd lost? Well, that happened to me yesterday... I had lost my phone charger, and after looking most places I thought it could be... I went out in desperation and got a car charger.... and when I got home, I look in a box in my room, after merely glancing at it and noticing a suspiciously familiar looking wire... what do you know, it's my wall charger! *Doh!*

So, now I have two chargers... one of which I will return once I upgrade my phone in less than a month. *sigh* And of course, they don't have the phone I wanted... they've moved on to the newer model... Oh well. Maybe I can find a cheap one online that they'll activate for me.

Ta till next time,
Gilligan

Blood, Needles, Warts, Ice, Blisters, and pain.

Yesterday was interesting... And yes, it involved everything mentioned in the title, and my Uncle too! I shall expound.

I had a Red Cross blood donation appointment at 12:15, no big deal, get there, read the paper, get pricked (in the finger), get blood pressure tested, get a drink (of orange juice), sit in a chair, rest your arm on one side and hold your drink in the other, and you're ready to go! Well, then there's everything leading up to the needle stick, and the pumping and squeezing of my hand, and then it's all over (in 6 minutes! Hurrah!). Then they take the needle out, put gauze over the puncture wound, have you hold it high for a minute, and bandage you up. Here lies a problem, at least on this particular day. My arm didn't want to stop bleeding! I had to hold my arm up with pressure on it for 30 seconds or more, at least three times. And then she did it for me once or twice until it finally clotted and she could wrap my elbow with no fear of me spilling any of my life force upon the street. Wouldn't want any leaky humans out there... bad rep for the Red Cross. How do they get away with poking people full of holes (ok, it's only one) and then sending them off, seemingly unscathed. Oh, right, the amazing human body. Where was I? Oh, right. Blood. Mmm...

Luckily for me, this nurse knew some tricks, one of which was a bag of ice, which she promptly wrapped on my arm on top of the gauze pad and told me to leave it on there for ten minutes. I did so, and gorged myself on cookies and pretzels while I waited. Fun times. I had a nice chat with one of the volunteers who was working there. She said she'd been doing it for the past 16 years or so... After having retired, and apparently still married. A sweet old lady... had a lazy eye, minorly unnerving, but still nice to listen to and quite friendly. Then I took the ice bag off and left the building, taking my papers, a sticker for my shirt and a calendar reminder (I'm eligible again on 1/1/08! Woot!), as well as two bags of cookies and a bag of pretzels. Yay munchies. What can I say? They had chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and wheel pretzles, I couldn't resist.

Ah yes, then came the wart. This one also involved ice, but in a different sense. I had a dermatology appointment at 2:15, for the removal of one itty bitty wart on my palm. It's been bugging me for a while and I finally told my mom about it. The appointment consisted of me signing in at the front desk, sitting in the office, sitting in the patient room, chatting with the doctor, and getting an area about 4 times the size of the wart frozen by liquid nitrogen from a can. Unpleasant at best. Though I can say that the most pain was felt as all the cells being frozen screamed in horror as they gave up their last... breath?.. of life. Now I've got a nice blister (which of course the doctor warned me about) the size of a pencil eraser on my hand, and an appointment in 7 weeks for a follow-up. She also looked at some moles on my back and scars from moles removed, as well as a few pimples on my head, and said I was a-ok. End of appointment, pay the front desk and be on my way. The co-pay was only $35, so I am very glad for insurance. (Must needs get some o' dat before, or shortly following, marriage.)

So, that's it for the title credits, now for some bonus material. That evening, I went out with my Uncle to chat about life and school and women (one in particular to me), and see how things are going. He gave me a few pointers and tips on how to take better notes in school, edited one of my programs, and encouraged me to have some backup plans if my original plan doesn't work out. I pray that it doesn't, because even though my school schedule is pretty packed from here on out, it looks like I won't be graduated until Fall of '09. Not a bad thing in itself, but, considering other plans I and one other have in mind, it might push things back a little. That will certainly be a point of discussion shortly.

Speaking of which, he gave me several things to consider and focus on in my pursuit of my current relationship and the progression thereof. In short, he said waiting is better, but every situation is unique, so counseling is best no matter what. We need to consider many things and bring them to light before they might become points of division. And yes I'm being vague, because at the current time, those who understand this paragraph are the only ones it matters to. More will be revealed at a later date.

And now that I have reached the end of this post, I shall sign off without further ado.

Thank you all,
Gilligan

Shoot, Y'all

I gotta go to bed... I'll blog in the morning, here's just so I've updated my blog on the 6th day.

Ha! 11 o'clock!

Welcome once again to my humble ablogode... great, I'm making up works now. Did that even make sense?

So, here I am once again, starting my blog entry late at night... though not as late this time. 10:15. Let's see how far I can get.

Anyways, back to the glorious wonderful tale of one lone college student's journey through the day. It started just like any other normal college student's day, sharply at 6:30, no, 6:45, no... just a few minutes longer... 7:10. CRAP! A quick shower and shoving of books into a tattered backpack and I was off. Made it to class on time. No thanks to the commute and parking, though I got a fairly close spot today. Note to self: Small campus is a blessing. Being able to WALK to class and be there within 10 minutes is AWESOME. Having to drive 40 minutes, on a 20 minute commute, because of rush hour, and walk another 7-10 is not. (Let me know if those commas are confusing.)

So, I'm in class on time, the prof is 5 minutes late as usual. As he sets up his folder of notes, he "reminds" us that there will be a quiz on Wednesday. On the notes from last week, and the book we're supposed to be finishing shortly. One thing he must surely have forgotten was that I got up too late to get to class on Wednesday AND Friday of last week. 8 AM class... Sorry. :-/ Oh, and that book we're supposed to have read? I haven't even cracked the cover. I need to find it before tomorrow... and I've got a blood donation appointment, a dermatology appointment, and a meeting with my Uncle tomorrow. Lots of time for reading... Yeah right.

So, tomorrow's shot. Oh, and I need to drop off some papers at work tomorrow before 11 as well. Double shot. And not the espresso kind either. I highly dislike coffee. Unless it's merely a flavoring. Moving on.

Hmm... so, after class, I asked the dedicated note-taker for the notes from the classes I missed, so I'll get those before class on Wednesday. Which means I'll have to leave half an hour earlier than usual, which means 6:30. Which means actually getting up at 6, showering, dressing, and getting out the door at 6:30. Quite a feat. I'll have to go to bed at 10. Eeesh... Sleep at 10. Means I probably won't get to talk to my girlfriend that night. Poo. AND I still haven't found my cell phone charger.

Yeah, I lost my cell phone charger, and my phone is dead. Has been since Saturday. Not fun. Need to get another possibly without spending a fortune... and I'm eligible for an upgrade next month (I DEFINITELY want one). Figures.

Well, looks like I got a good two paragraphs in, so I think I'll stop for now. The rest of my day was kind of bland, and it'd take way too long to describe it all. Have a good night people!

-Gilligan, Gorilla of the night.

Greetings once again!

Ok, hey there. Here I am... 11 o'clock again... At least this time I was working on homework. And talking to friends. And watching Dane Cook videos. And Diggnation episodes... Ok, so homework was a tertiary activity... but I'm working on it!

I don't have any major projects, except for one presentation... online... for Computer Information Systems... Luckily it's just a powerpoint due before the beginning of class, and it's at 12:30pm. So, I've got at least 4 hours to work on this thing.

And less than 15 minutes to finish this one. Drat. Got distracted by my girlfriend. Oh well. Not complaining. :-)

Well, looks like today is especially boring. Kind of like this morning's church service. (Sorry Pastor Don, but your voice is so soothing... I nodded off a few times, luckily my mom was there to tug on my hair to keep me mostly awake.)

And that's me. On Sunday. Have a good week!
-Gilligan

Randomosity of Life

Ok, so, I'm in this one blog post a day for a month thing and goshdangit if I don't start procrastinating... Starting at 11:30ish... Alright, we'll see how it goes.

Turns out the guys at my work are participating in the Novel-in-a-Month thing (NaNoWriMo for the uninitiated) that inspired this activity, which I thought was kind of cool, and unrelated, since I got my inspiration from RachelSkirts. (You go girl!)

Today was a good day at work, life went smoothly, and there were many (paying) customers.

In other news, I have an online presentation due in Computer Information Systems on Monday that I need to pick the topic for... It has to be a new technology or an innovative use of existing technology that will help change business or improve it somehow. There are already a bunch of topics chosen, so if you tech-savvy ones out there could lend me a hand and toss out some ideas, I wouldn't mind it one bit.

Heehee... I've had a good hearty chuckle in my time, but this one strikes home pretty well. :-)
If you want to see why the LeTourneau Campus makes fun of the LETU Security, this is a prime example: http://letu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2008894&id=159101477


Ok, so there you have it, a fairly random selection of highlights from my day. Oh, one last thing... My car won't start. Again. It's got enough to turn on the headlights, radio, dome light, etc, but not enough for the starter to turn the engine. All it does is click repeatedly when I turn the key. :-/ So it's still at work, I got my Cousin/Manager to drive me home. Please pray for the car, that it would be repaired easily (such as replacing the battery) and/or inexpensively.

Gilligan, signing off
(perhaps I should use better links, or fewer... they seem to be getting simply gratuitous.)

NaBloPoMo?

Ok, so apparently November is National Blog Posting Month... Which I just found out about through Rachelskirts, and unfortunately, I've almost missed the first day. :-/ Oh well. I said I'd kick up my blogging pace a bit, so, here's an excellent opportunity. I guess I'll make up for it by posting really early in the morning. This morning, in fact.

Well let's see, where shall I start? Well today I found a stack of about 5 burned CDs in the center console of my car, just begging to be played, so I obliged. I stuck the first one in... and after a few seconds of reading, the player spat it out. "Ew... this one has no flava!" it seemed to say. So, I set that one on the passengers seat along with my hoodie and a stack of school books, which are there for the simple reason that I am lazy and didn't put them in the bookbag. Anywho, back to the CD's.

I stuck the next one in, and lo and behold, it began to play! I believe this one was labeled (oh so professionally; with a sharpie, thin tip) "Christmas", so I wasn't too surprised to hear Christmas music. I suppose it's appropriate to start thinking about Christmas music on the first day of the month before... right? Well, I'm not sure if it's music from the Broadway Christmas Spectacular Shindig... (real name obscured to protect the innocent, and cause I'm too tired to remember it or look it up) but it sure could be.

And the rest of the day has gone quite smoothly. Hope your's has too. More from my life as an average Gilligan later. ;-)

-Gilligan, you're trusty... wait, no, that doesn't work.
-Gilligan, you're sometimes blogging, but now more often, friend or acquaintance.
(Love that Firefox 2.0 inline spell check feature!)

Life in Stop-Motion

So, I should blog now, right?

Recently, I went to Texas to see my beautiful girlkittehfriend, who has been invisible for quite some time now. I heard her lovely lady voice lilting through the landlines (Well, cell phones and ethernet and WiFi... :-P), but I got to see her and hold her and kiss her and be with her a week ago for about 3 days. It was nice, very nice.

Edit: Oh, and BIG BIG news! SHE LOVES ME!!! Can't believe that slipped my mind last night... What can you expect at 12:30 in the morning? I just want to be with her... :-) But yeah, she really LOVES me... Amazing, no? *happy sigh* I'm glad we've liked each other for a while... I want to be her best friend AND her lover. What? you didn't know? I love her too. :-D We match!

In the course of those three days, I gave her a shiny ring, signifying my commitment to pursue her and the relationship to (and through) engagement and, eventually, marriage. This is a big step, and we're not quite sure how exactly we got there, but here we are, and this looks good. We really fit with each other very very well. It's amazing, and I give God the credit for that match. I pray he holds us together throughout our whole relationship.

Speaking of God, I really do need to keep talking to him more often. I'm reaching the end of my goal to read the entire Bible front to back, and after that I'm gonna pick up a devotional with assorted scriptures and possibly an exhortation for each day, maybe even read Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening". There's a copy in the bathroom.

Oh, other books I "need" to read... "Guiding the relationship" books, "Pursuing marriage" books... "Raising kids" books... though I hope that knowledge isn't employed for a good long while... eessh...

On another note, the girlfriend is getting a laptop, and guess what the first thing she's doing with it is? Installing Ubuntu! Huzzah! She's awesome. She's got a Mac Mini, and is getting an awesome laptop for cheap (at my recommendation) and sticking Linux on it! :-) I is a happy nerd boyfriend.

And speaking of nerdness... well, moreso laziness... I've got a program due tomorrow at 5pm that I'm not finished, but all that I have finished works! (Yay modular testing!) So I have to write the UI tomorrow, and a web page for Computer Information Systems. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

Let's see. Anything else exciting happen recently? Hmm... Well if I think of any (or I get poked with more sticks) I'll try and write them down for you.

That's all folks!
-Gilligan

But I don't want to fall 20 feet down...

So it seems gravity has a fondness for me... Luckily I've been able to resist it's grasp so far. First, on Monday, I nearly tripped down a flight of about 10 concrete steps on campus. (Yes, in Maryland, we have many steps... that's because our land is not all flat.) And today, I had to climb up a 24 foot ladder to cut down some overhanging branches and nail in some siding trim. That was fun an interesting experience.

On Tuesday, well, I didn't do much, except I did turn in my first programming assignment. I'll need to get cracking on the next one, it's due the 29th. Wednesday... I had three midterms. We'll see how those went tomorrow. I feel alright about them. The accounting one... probably a low B/high C. The CIS one... about the same, maybe a little lower. The Data Structures one... Probably a solid C. (I'm hoping low, so I'll more likely be pleasantly surprised when I see the results.)

Anywho... Things have gone well since then, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were work. I was late once more, on Friday. (Three down, two to go. :-( I really hope there isn't even one more. I've got two months...) Now, it's sunday yet again, and I've got ONE WEEK till I see Laura again! Woot! Now for today, I'm working on homework, then I'll be installing some ballasts for ceiling lights in the store, and then I'll be eating dinner, working on more homework, and falling asleep... And of course in between I'll probably be talking with Laura, keeping her on track of her homework.

As far as this week goes... it'll be a week of homework, packing, and high anticipation.

Now, for some food, and it's off to ballast fixing! (And quick money, too!) Oh, did I mention I'm getting paid to fix the ballasts? Not much, only $10 per ballast (there are three), but it'll be nice.

Things come and go.

Like my memory.

See, if I wasn't nagged by my (wonderful, caring, beautiful) girlfriend, I'd update my blog even more rarely, or have lots of one-paragraph blogs. Meh. Here's an update!

So, school's going... and I'm falling behind. Not good. Tomorrow I'll do better, do more.
I need to pay my dad for Cell phone and car bills for this month and next, oh joy of joys, and I need to finally give my tithe checks to the church... and write another. I'm like three months behind... eek. Sorry God.

In 20 days, I get to see my girlfriend. YAY!!! :-D (Much rejoicing) We're going to hang out and do nothing and everything, except each other. Packing 5 months (out of 6) of dating into three days of togetherness is gonna be real tough, but I think we can squeeze in the highlights. :-) Gotta work on bringing down the 5:1 ratio though... :-/

I'm still working... yay work. I'm lacking motivation, but, things are still getting done. Don't have to go back till Thursday, yay. :-p (It's a good job for sure.)

Oh, and lots and lots of planning has been going on lately... I'm so excited... 1.5 years... at minimum. At least it's better than 7.

Well, here's me signing off until another spark of inspiration hits me.

Gilligan(6 Months!)

Welcome back to my blog, y'all!

Yeesh... I really haven't been on here is a while. Two weeks, that's an eternity in Blog-time.
A few bullet points to get people up to speed:

• I've started school, gotten through the first week (all 5 classes. Yay MW(F) schedule!)


• I've gone through another contemplative period with my girlfriend, we decided to curb the phone and IM talking and restrict ourselves to letters and email (well, mostly email) for two weeks, to get in the groove for school. One thing I'm sure of is I'm really glad we're talking on the phone again. :-) The groove is still grooving.


• I'm looking forward to October immensely! Two exciting things happen in October:


1. I get to see my girlfriend (and other friends) at LeTourneau!


2. Ubuntu 7.10 comes out!


• Did I mention I get to see Laura in October?!?! :-D


• Also, things with work have been straightened out to a degree... after a bit of back and forth and thinking things had been set, my schedule is now four hours on Thursday, eight hours on Friday, and ten hours on Saturday.

School is looking good so far. I've got a lot of work ahead of me this semester, gotta stay focused. I have today and tomorrow to get ahead in reading and stuff, which I've already done for History and Info Systems, but I'll need to get cracking on Accounting and Data Structures... those will be my harder courses this semester. Yuk. Luckily, the Data Structures prof seems good. Most of the programs we'll be writing won't need much more than a simple code editor, which I am very glad for. Accounting will be... accounting. Lots of numbers and balance sheets and cash flow charts and argh... I need to keep track of my own money!

Laura and I are doing quite well considering we've been apart for nearly 4 months... wow. I get to see her in 48 days! That's one month, two weeks, and four days! :-) Just need to buy that ticket, as soon as I let her dad know. :-/ Gotta call him tonight.

Where was I? Oh right.

With all this great academic progression stuff going on, I'll still want to make time for stuff like installing Ubuntu on my lappy, and reinstalling Windows... Oh the horrors, I know. Eventually the plan is to be running only Linux, with any windows only programs I need running in Wine, and if I really need it, Windows in a Virtual Machine. That'll be awesome. First though, must come the great cleaning of disk space. my C: drive has become quite congested, since I allocated 20 gigs for Windows, and all my documents and data on another partition. Step one: catalog all the programs I've installed and want to keep. Step two: Archive all important data and media. Step three: repartition the drives. Step four: uninstall and reinstall Windows, then install Ubuntu or Kubuntu (Linux) I'll have to see if the latest Ubuntu live CD will give me wireless, and I might just install both and see which one I like better. Problem is, they're both good. I can't wait for KDE 4 though... that'll be a while. Eek! I've regressed to my geeky ways! Haha! Revel in my geekiness!

Anyways, things are going well so far, and as long as I stay productive, I'll be alright. And now that I'm doing alright, I'm praying to God that He'll guide me through this year and give me the strength that I need. I have a tendency to try to do things on my own, and that generally doesn't end up so well. Now, I'm going off to do some homework. Yay productivity.

Gilligan - Signing off.

The bible has meaning? For me? Now? Wow.

So, I was reading the bible earlier... (whodathunk?) actually a week or so ago, and these verses popped out at me. Who would have guessed that they'd be applicable ever more so now? Life application starts with repentance and supplication. God help me now as always, keep me in line with you.

Colossians 1:11-12

11 strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously
12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.

The Incomparable Christ
13 For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son,
14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

God has given us power to endure through His holy spirit and it's through this power that we are to glorify Him with our lives. I think I need to tap into that power soon, because I'm gonna need His redemptive power to forgive my sins. I have a lot of growing and trimming and keeping in check to do.

Colossians 3:12-15

12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Boy do I need holy love... I'm falling into worldy passions. Lord give me kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Forgive me as I require it. I'm trying for that "perfect bond of unity," but I fall short all too often.

Colossians 3:17

17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Yeah, about that... Thanks God! I need to remember to do everything with You in mind.

Colossians 3:23-25

23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.

Doing my work heartily... I need to do that. I'll get plenty of chances to do work heartily now that school's coming up. And I'll be watching out for wrongs to avoid. Lord help me through this year, it's gonna be a real stretch.

Colossians 4:5

5 Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.

Yeah, wisdom... Lord I need some of that too...

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality;
4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,
5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;
6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.
7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.
8 So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Oh dear... Lord, I don't want to reject you, I want to be sanctified, but my flesh doesn't really care.

1 Timothy 2:8

8 Therefore I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension.

Ok, so I need to pray. All the time. Every day. Got it. Now if I could just keep it up. Lord, can you help in that area too? What do women need to do? I don't think I'm qualified to interpret that passage. (2:9-15)

1 Timothy 6:11

11 But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.

Yeah... I'm gonna flee. Words are powerful things, the utterance of thoughts, and the revealing of emotions. Also, possibly the catalyst for bad habits. We must watch our words, thoughts and emotions carefully, me especially.

Rest in the Lord, and he will give you strength.

Rest in the Lord, O my soul.
Fear not, for the Lord is with you.
Who is it that feeds the sparrows and waters the fields?
Does He not care for His own children all the more?
Rest in the Lord, do not rebel against Him, for He loves you,
more than you can imagine.
He is the ultimate caretaker and caregiver.
Hear His voice, do not harden your heart in disobedience.
"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

Technology Abstinence?

So, the question has been posed to me.
"Could you spend a month without getting on your computer?"
I haven't updated my blog in several weeks, have I? Isn't that good enough? That's like asking whether I could spend a month without talking to my girlfriend! (Oh shoot... bad example.) It's definitely possible, but certainly difficult. However, both are most likely beneficial.

Now, the question Dad is really asking is if I could spend my time more wisely. You know, I think I could. I want to be wise, but I don't want to work. I would love to be prepared for life without, you know... the preparation. :-/ Not so possible. So instead, I've got to get ready for life. Part of that involves reading books and taking notes and applying them to my life. *sigh* yay, more work. ;-)

It's not so bad, really. It just means I need to structure my life a lot more, and control what I do on the computer. So, I think that I might want to spend one month... er... maybe just two weeks, going through everything on my computer and deleting stuff I don't need. Then, once everything is nice and cleaned up, I'll limit my computer time to an hour of non-productive stuff, excluding direct communication. Other than that, the only time I'll use will be for educational purposes only. Hopefully I'll limit that to less than three hours, starting with one hour a day for a week, then two hours the second week, then three hours a day for the third and fouth. Hmm... can I do this? I don't know.
Ok, so if I'm limiting my computer time to 4 hours a day, what am I gonna do the rest of the time? Well, in about three weeks I'll be going to school, so that will take up another 4 3/4 hours a day. (33.5 hours/wk with classes and homework, IF I spend twice as much time doing homework as I am in class.)

So we've got 8.6 hours so far, then there's 8 hours sleeping, so 16.6 hours, and also an hour and a half for eating (20-30 minutes a meal roughly). That brings us up to 18 hours a day. Now, I think I'll be spending another hour or two a day talking to my girlfriend, so now we're up to 19-20 hours. What am I gonna do with the other 4 hours of my day?

Bum around of course! :-P Just kidding... I know I'll need to spend time with my Creator for at least an hour every day, it'd be great if it were half an hour in the morning and half an hour at night. So now we're up to 20-21 hours. The rest of the time is free time... wow, three hours a day. And then there's work. Great. Hadn't figured that in. That's 25-26 hours a week. Hmm... gotta recalculate everything now.

[one hour later]

Holy Goodness! Thanks OpenOffice Calc.
Wow... I am not gonna have much free time this school year. Ugh. Of course, I'm being a bit generous with my sleeping hours, but honestly... wow. Ok, time to get cracking! :-) Plus, I need a loan for school, and that's not looking too great either. *sigh* What am I gonna do? God, I need some help again. I'll talk to you in the morning, I promise. And I'll be posting some great verses I've found while reading through Paul's letters. I'm in the middle of Hebrews right now, and boy is God great.

Phew! That was a rush.

Otakon's over, and I definitely got beat this weekend... I mean, tired. I'm actually not much more tired than any other weekend, but my feet are sore, and tending the store is gonna feel soooo slow now that I've experienced Otakon. :-D

So, basically, I've been busy all weekend, but I was working, and I got monies to prove it. (Yay overtime!) Otakon was crazy, it's the biggest Anime Con on the East coast, and now I want to go to the one in Austin, but it's in February, school time for me, and I might be able to swing it if I save up a bunch of money for it for the 2009 Con. Hmm... Oh well. That's the future, the present is now. I gotta get back in touch with God, though I found a bunch of great applicable verses while I was reading one day on the way to the Con. (I wasn't driving, don't worry.)

They definitely had some cool stuff, and each day was busier than the next. I was able to walk around a little bit Friday and Saturday to see the rest of the Dealer's room as well as the Art and Gaming rooms. Dave and I also watched the first four episodes of an anime called Karin which is about a family of vampires whose middle child is unlike the rest. Well, I won't spoil it for you, I'll let Wikipedia do it for you, if you like. It's intersting so far, though I'm not so sure about the intro... Anyways,now I'm back into watching Bleach (on episode 7 now, SOOO far behind!) at night after work. We(Dave and I) figure if we watch 2 a night, 5 nights a week, we'll get through it in about 3 months. Yes, there are that many. (134 episodes out, and they are still making more!) Well, I might just have to watch a few at home in order to catch up quicker. ;-)

Oh! Cool stuff, yes. Awesome costumes, some were "Eh...," some were "Oh cool," and some were "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???" Man, I wish I could have taken pictures of some of the things there, but they might be considered NSFW... I don't know, there are some weird people out there. Oh man, some place was selling funky colored contacts... too bad I need prescription lenses.

Right, so, that was a lot, and I'm sure there's a lot more coming, so I'll keep it coming here. Keep coming back and you'll find out what's coming around the bend! :-D Until then, it's a tired, worn out, well paid Gilligan pulling out!

Haha, somebody copied me!

Well it appears someone else has wanderings and ramblings to write about. But of course he's not the only one... I'm amused. Also slightly flattered and intrigued. You see, his title is simple and condensed, mine is not. Kudos to the guy in Vietnam! I was going to go for a title like that, but I figured I'd make it a whole sentence rather than a small phrase. Now I'm reconsidering. Should I rename my blog to make it easier for others to remember? Should I use my URL as the title? (Seems like that would be the most logical move)

I think I shall call my blog "Ever Forgetful, Always..." something. I haven't quite figured out what the "something" should be. Perhaps a synonym or antonym for forgetful, perhaps something completely different. Something like "Ever Forgetful, Always Remembered" possibly? Hmm... so many choices. I love the English language.

Oh! Speaking of which, I'm looking into sticking a word cloud on here somewhere. They always look kind of neat, and I want one! I haven't found one for the old style of Blogger yet though... should I take the plunge and go to "New Blogger"? I'm not sure if I'll lose my fancy sidebar, but I think I might. *Sigh* The cost of change. Always to be calculated first, and dealt with later.

Ta ta till then!
Gilligan

Changed the look... again!

Apologies for the rapid change, but I'm still exploring formats. This is the NewZen look I mentioned in my previous post. I think I like it, how about you? Leave a comment noting which on eyou like better, and what could be done to improve it. (There's still a bunch more tweaking I know, and possibly some null text to replace still, lemme know if you find any.) Oh, and how are those links looking Rachelskirts? ;-) Better, yes?

Changed the look a bit.

So I was poking around, and I figured my blog could use a change. A revamp, if you will. Do you like the new look? I'm enjoying the AJAX. (Click the tag in the upper right corner to see what I mean.) Unfortunately IE doesn't render the shelf columns correctly, but Firefox does. I got it from this template website. There's another on there that I liked, NewZen, but I'm not sure if it's too dang white. There is also a few I found nice on another template website, such as Howling Wolf, Sound Waves, Splash, and Waterfall. Think of any others? Got any suggestions? Let me know! What sites do you know of that offer good templates/layouts for Blogger, either classic or Beta? I'd be glad to hear your suggestions.

Why did man invent debit cards?

Crap! Shoot! Dangit! Blast! Stupid, stupid me... *sigh* When will I learn that money needs to be saved, and not spent?? Oh well. At least I get a camera out of the deal.

You see, there's this lovely website called auctionsniper.com, and it's sole purpose is to help ensure that you will win the products you bid on eBay for. In the past, I have used this site as an easy way to keep track of prices, since I generally put in a max price lower than the item ends up at. I'm generally a pretty good guesser, but this time, I guessed a little too high. It's kind of like a reverse "The Price is Right".

So, there was this digital camera I saw a while back (a month or so) and figured it couldn't hurt to replace my own camera, with it's lack of desire to stay on for more than a few seconds or so (Mysteriously, this quirk seems to come and go), and it's lack of an SD card as memory. (My lappy has an SD card reader built in.) So I was looking around and saw some cameras I thought were nice, one was really good, and came with something like 4 extras (really good deal, even if it was a little bit more than the retail price for the camera itself), and a few other, lesser models, that didn't come with the extras, but were also a third to half the price.

I went to my favorite sniping site, and plugged in some prices, $50 for one, and $100 for another, and the $50 item shot up like a rocket. Unfortunately, the item I bid $100 on only got two bids, a $95 bid, and my snipe at $96. I checked my email this morning which gladly informed me that the auction had ended at midnight, and that I had won. Yay me. :-/

So now, I've blown my savings for the next month, and won't be traveling anywhere anytime soon. Luckily, I've also got a focus group meeting next Monday that'll get me $75, and I'll be doing some work on the side that might get me $50 or so. I was planning on saving that money for something special, but it looks like I'll just have to find odd jobs for extra cash. I've got to get some stuff done for my old high school, I wonder if they'd be looking for summer work?
Not many places (read: none that I've looked at) will hire work for less than 6 months, and I really need some extra money to get me through the school year. God, I screwed up with my finances yet again, but the situation isn't hopeless yet. Please help me out of this, and teach me so that it sticks!

And this is why I don't judge people.

My church is going through the book of James, and this Sunday's sermon was on 4:11-12. A good interpretation of it, clarifying that not all judging is wrong, just the self-righteous kind that puts ourselves in God's place. For "there is only one lawgiver and judge, He who is able to save and to destroy." Too bad we're so prone to fall into that trap. The outlines are here... they haven't updated it yet, but they should shortly. (Got some good stuff there anyways. Go check the rest of the series out.)

So, about that rollercoaster...

Yeah, it's still rocking and a rolling. Definitely a lot of stuffs going on, and a lot of it is good, very good for me, and us, and God. God's gonna get a lot more of me from now on. My plans are good, but God's plans are better. My plans seem to be lining up well, but only God can pull them through.

It looks like I'll be looking for a second job for the summer to save up for during the school year when I won't be working as much. Parents want me to keep my work hours less than 20, but The owner says that he's gonna need me for more than that. Luckily, with the classes I'm registered for at Essex now, it shouldn't be a problem to be able to work more, and as long as I keep my grades up (A's and B's... shooting for a 4.0 ideally, at least a 3.0, and I can't get less than a C to be able to transfer the credits to LeTourneau.)

*sigh* I'll be needing to work a lot more on my school, which means I won't be on the computer as much, working a job and school will take up a lot... I'll be writing more letters to my girlfriend, starting this week. I just need something to talk about; I guess I'll just start with everything I forget to say over the phone. :-) She sent me a nice letter, and a novelization (I guess that's the best name for it... it's a narrative work) that was really quite good, even if it wasn't completely original. ;-)

I'm praying that I will find a passion, or rather that God will give me a passion for work and school. Dad has noticed that I have a passion for doing things I enjoy (no duh, right?) and not so much for things I need to do but aren't as fun. Well, I see that I do things I need to do, but at a much lower priority than things that I like doing. They still get done, but slower than they should be. So, that needs to switch, and I need a vision for my career, some guidance for what I'm gonna do with my education, so that I will be motivated to succeed. Right now my motivation is marriage at the end or near the end of my college career. Good enough, right? Actually, no. I need to know or have a strong feeling about what I want to be doing after my college is done so I can easily find a job to support my future family.

Right now, that's what I'm saving for, aside from other savings that aren't so long term. A car (and insurance), living space/rent, and foodz are gonna become real important once I get married. *eek!* Marriage! ;-) Wow! You know... I figured I'd be married by 25... maybe 23... but it sure seems to maybe be coming up soon hopefully... *crosses fingers and squinches eyes* God help us! Please! Really! We need you!

Ah, the roller coaster of life and relationships.

Dang... seems like just when we've got something good going and planned out, something comes by and shakes things up a bit. Luckily this one will only give us more resolve for each other. Commitment is a tough thing, and it takes God to hold a relationship together, because we humans are too darn frail and fickle. We still have a good thing going for us, and I'm so glad for that. Nothing will shake us, unless either of us are dissatisfied and talking can't resolve it. That would take a whole lot more than what's gone on before, especially since God is the glue that holds us together.

A quick prayer: God, thank you for your ever loving kindness, and your patience and peace that surpasses all understanding. Bestow upon us some of that patience, test us and find us pure, that we may glorify you more. Lord show us the way to your heart, and lead us through the temptations of life. Hold us close to you, for though we know nothing can snatch us from your grip, we can often feel like we might slip through your fingers.

A new resolve I have for her, that I will live my life righteously for Christ, and that I will be prepared for the events that we hope will unfold in the next two years, and that neither of us will be foolish in any of our actions.

Gilligan(understandingly frustrated)

Life is good!

Hey everyone out there in bloggerland! Welcome back to life in Stephenville! It sure is good now. Well, aside from the fact that I won't see my girlfriend for another few months. *sigh* I'm so glad she loves the Lord, because He is the ultimate guidance. We all need to rely on God, especially the two of us. A commitment is a commitment, and we've both agreed to it. Being honest and open and communicating is the best thing for any relationship, everyone always says it because it's true!
I'm going to care group pretty regularly now, they switched their schedule to Thursdays for the summer, right after I got a job set up with the evenings off on Tuesdays... grr.
Well, I definitely got much distracted while writing this post, so I shall continue it Monday, when I actually have some free time in the morning. :-)

I'm a screw up. No, I screwed up. Either way it stinks like the sh*t it is.

Pardon my french, but I AM AN IDIOT... (Je suis un imbécile.)

I'm angry at myself, I'm heartbroken that I might have just thrown away the best relationship I've ever had over something I really didn't want to do in the first place, and I'm sick and tired of myself. Why can't things just go well? Why can't I just deal with situations perfectly as they come up? Why am I left with broken pieces when all I wanted was a decent life? Why can't I just stop things that I know will only hurt me? Why??? Why??? Why??? I'm tempted to just fly out and try to make amends in person, but a) I don't know how that will go, and b) I don't exactly have the cash on me now. Maybe next week.

Why do I have to play with fire? Because it's fun? Because it intrigues me and mezmerizes me for a moment, before it RIPS OUT MY HEART AND EATS MY FLESH??? WHY? I know why. It's because I'm imperfect, and I can get sucked into the moment. But why? I can't explain it away, I can't make excuses, I can't do anything now that it's done. All I can do is move on and be a better man, and hope that the one I long for will accept that and help me grow. I want to be close to her, I don't want to forsake her for someone else. I want.. I want... I want God to come in with his magical holy ghost bandage and fix it all up so I can be out the door and living my life with no worries of failure... Yeah right, like that will happen. God does not work like that, and I do not have the proper glue to mend hearts, nor do I know the recovery time of an injury like the one I've inflicted. I've been forgiven, yay. But she's not going to be stupid, and neither am I...

I never thought I could hurt someone so badly. I promised I would never do something like this. With just a simple exchange of unfaithful words, even if I wasn't feeling them, what does she know about that? Everything I do is now ruined. Scarred. Put into question. Well, I guess things will be brought to light somehow. Awful light... Awful person... Wonderful God? Wonderful savior? Please work in her heart to give me a chance, and work in mine to make sure I NEVER screw it up EVER again.

Wow, what a hit.

A bomb just got dropped in my lap. I have no idea how it should be handled, but I really know how I want it to be handled. Long-term vs short-term and all that jazz. More details later... Things get more complicated when you add people into the mix.

Love, not just a feeling.

I need love. Not just a feeling, but real, true, tangible love. I want to be able to give my life to a person and have everything fall in place and have a relationship that is so infused by God that we both are so completely willing to do anything for the other, because it's the right thing to do, and because we want to, not because we have to.

I want to be able to have someone to hold and to caress and to cherish, and I need that someone to hold and cherish me. I don't want sex, but I like physicality. We need to find our strength not in each other, but in Christ. Not in ourselves, but in God. We need to be guided by the One and Only Creator, who made us and loves us and wants us to be like Him. We are to reflect His love, and that is what true love is.

There is a saying that a girl's heart should be so far into Jesus' heart that the man has to go through Him to find it. I'm willing to go that distance. I don't want easy love, I want it to be worth it. I want to find myself in the bliss of Christ, the sanctity and peace that I know that what I'm doing with my life is right and good and holy, and will benefit me and my love and through it all, will glorify my God.

So far I have not found that love, I have merely made for myself an imitation of it. Something I could hold onto, but wasn't really there. Something that made me feel good, but wasn't really wholesome. I have lived a farce, I have made a mockery of what true love embodies, I have hurt people because of it, and I hate myself for it.

I am at fault, and I must now run to the One who knows me best, who will love me in spite of who I am and what I have done, and mold me into who I should be. Not until after death will I be made perfect, but henceforth I shall strive onward, pressing ever stronger unto that goal. God is always with me, I need to be with Him more often.


My roommate has similar thoughts on this issue, and I think we're both on the mark.

"... i've been looking for someone to love and who will love me..."

This is an interesting statement, I have to wonder are you looking for love or are you looking for the right person in your life? If you're looking for love your heart's never going to be content without the love of God.

If you're looking for the (or a) right person for you then I think a person would be better off throwing out terms like love, boyfriend/girlfriend and dating. Think of the strength of relationships that could be built if rather than worrying about at being boyfriend/girlfriend, if rather than trying to figure out if you were in love, people just took the time to get to know one another and then let time show them the answer to these questions.

Take things slow, enjoy and concentrate on one another instead of on the relationship, because if you're looking for the love and not the person, then without God in your life the person's always going to fall short. So take your time, relax, have fun, enjoy one another, talk together about the things you see and feel along this journey, and trust that things will be made clear in time.

Well, that was fast!

This is also on my MySpace blog, but I figured I'd post it here too... it's been a long while since I last posted anything, so I figure the new year is just as good a time as ever to update.

It's amazing how life rushes at you, sometimes it seems, with the sole intent of whirling you around so hard and so fast that you feel ripped apart upside down and backwards at the same time. Well, that happened to me over this Christmas break. My girlfriend, Katie, and I broke up (I prefer the term mutually seperated) shortly before break, and we've been discussing things of importance and solidifying the fact that we will never get back together, which hurts both of us. Ok, it just plain stinks. But... I think, hope, and pray that it was the best thing to do, and that both of us will grow from it.

Then, when I got back, I found out that friends back home were estatic to see me, and I them. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to see all of them yet... (Sorry Sarah, Marah, and JR!) But hopefully I'll work that in on Friday or something.

Oh! Another important thing to remember for all of you in or soon entering college. You know the phrase "Poor college student"? IT'S TRUE!!! Especially when you've got a friend who text messages you like it was AIM or something... and you don't have the cell phone plan to cover it. Yeah, not so great. I found out that I had (over a six month period of time) gotten 200 some dollars in overage charges, ON TOP OF the $100 for the regular bill! Luckily, my dad caught it early, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but my bills for the last month of the interval equaled the five months previous! Combined! Yeesh... I'm gonna have to watch out. Luckily, unfortunately rather, I'm no longer friends with the person who sent me the most text messages, so I think I'll be good. (By the way, that's another story entirely, involving the uneasy interactions of four souls locked in destiny... in other words, I'm not gonna talk about it.)

Oh yeah, College. College takes work. Lots of it. It can be difficult at times. Therefore that means more work. I'd been told these things over and over before I went to college, but it never really sank in until my third semester here. Now, it looks like because of that, I'll have to take a 5th year of classes (well, 5 spring courses) to graduate from LeTourneau. There's the possibility of transferring, which I'd gladly do, but I don't know if it'd be best, for several reasons, including the fact that my parents would love my diploma to have the words "LeTourneau University" on it for some reason. :-) (Gotta love my parents) Speaking of which, I'll put my schedule up sometime soon, once I finally figure out what it is.

So, in conclusion, I'm doing well. It's a new year, with new chances to fail. Luckily, that means I have at least that many chances to succeed at what I do, so long as I make sure to get things done in a timely and orderly manner. Here's wishing you all the best, and hoping some rubs off on me! ;-) Cheers!