Love, not just a feeling.

I need love. Not just a feeling, but real, true, tangible love. I want to be able to give my life to a person and have everything fall in place and have a relationship that is so infused by God that we both are so completely willing to do anything for the other, because it's the right thing to do, and because we want to, not because we have to.

I want to be able to have someone to hold and to caress and to cherish, and I need that someone to hold and cherish me. I don't want sex, but I like physicality. We need to find our strength not in each other, but in Christ. Not in ourselves, but in God. We need to be guided by the One and Only Creator, who made us and loves us and wants us to be like Him. We are to reflect His love, and that is what true love is.

There is a saying that a girl's heart should be so far into Jesus' heart that the man has to go through Him to find it. I'm willing to go that distance. I don't want easy love, I want it to be worth it. I want to find myself in the bliss of Christ, the sanctity and peace that I know that what I'm doing with my life is right and good and holy, and will benefit me and my love and through it all, will glorify my God.

So far I have not found that love, I have merely made for myself an imitation of it. Something I could hold onto, but wasn't really there. Something that made me feel good, but wasn't really wholesome. I have lived a farce, I have made a mockery of what true love embodies, I have hurt people because of it, and I hate myself for it.

I am at fault, and I must now run to the One who knows me best, who will love me in spite of who I am and what I have done, and mold me into who I should be. Not until after death will I be made perfect, but henceforth I shall strive onward, pressing ever stronger unto that goal. God is always with me, I need to be with Him more often.


My roommate has similar thoughts on this issue, and I think we're both on the mark.

"... i've been looking for someone to love and who will love me..."

This is an interesting statement, I have to wonder are you looking for love or are you looking for the right person in your life? If you're looking for love your heart's never going to be content without the love of God.

If you're looking for the (or a) right person for you then I think a person would be better off throwing out terms like love, boyfriend/girlfriend and dating. Think of the strength of relationships that could be built if rather than worrying about at being boyfriend/girlfriend, if rather than trying to figure out if you were in love, people just took the time to get to know one another and then let time show them the answer to these questions.

Take things slow, enjoy and concentrate on one another instead of on the relationship, because if you're looking for the love and not the person, then without God in your life the person's always going to fall short. So take your time, relax, have fun, enjoy one another, talk together about the things you see and feel along this journey, and trust that things will be made clear in time.