Birthday times!

So, it was my birthday today... er, yesterday, by now. I'm now officially 21, and my sister is 17 and a half... both kinda scary thoughts. I can now legally drink intoxicating beverages and my sister is only 6 months away from being able to get a credit card. *shudders* Ooh the responsibility.

What have I done today? Not too much, actually. I woke up around 11:30ish I think, then got up a while later and took a shower before getting dressed and ready for the day. My mom and I went to Goodwill and bought some new (old) pants, which I thought were pretty spiffy. Consignment shops are tomorrow, because I woke up too late to get much done. Then I went home while Mom did some picking up of siblings and other errandy-stuff, and then we went out to get out family Christmas pictures taken. The actual picture taking part went just as smooth as can be, but the paying-for part with special-coupons-that-are-printed-on-the-same-card-but-not-combinable part was not so fun for my mom, but I'm sure her gray hairs welcomed a few newcomers to the fold.

Then we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant called Bacoli Delight, down in Essex. It was pretty dang good for a small establishment such as it was. I had Veal Chesapeake, which included Veal Medallions, crab, and large shrimp over fettuccine and covered in some sort of sauce... I forget what it was called, but it was goood... I've still got some left over in the fridge.

I got my birthday gift from my parents, which was a box with a bunch of small items I'd asked for on my wishlists this year. I'd honestly forgotten about that and was genuinely pleased when I got the stuffs, and then Dad made the remark "Isn't it great you got all this stuff you really wanted?" (or something similar), at which point I thought "Oh yeah! I did have a wishlist for presents and stuff. Sweet!" Of course, I was still just as thankful, and I think I'll keep the wishlist around for future years, though I won't be in college much longer to take advantage of it, just one more birthday, and I'll be graduating then. More presents! Yay! :-p

Afterwards we came home and had some light conversation over great cake that my mom made herself (*applauds*) before plopping down in front of our respective screens, me catching up on some video podcasts I'd stopped watching while at school (darn bandwidth cap), and my brother watching some cool shows on the Discovery channel. Now it's getting late and I'll probably go to bed in a few moments, so I just want to thank all of you who wished me a happy birthday today. I appreciate it.

-Gilligan

Even MORE thoughts from Relient K

If you haven't guessed by now, I like Relient K's music.

"Come Right Out And Say It"

I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up

[Chorus]

And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)

Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking


Also,
Life's tough.
Leaders push through the difficulty.
Good leaders do it on their own.
Better leaders don't.
The best leaders take their direction from God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, it's that time of year again... Time for all of the US to spend as much as they can, saving a bunch that they would have spent otherwise, and will still spend anyways. :-p I however, have spent too much this fall, and thus didn't participate in this year's camp-out in front of Best Buy, Target, and Radio Shack. But oh well. I've got a 16 GB flash drive waiting for me when I get back from break.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch in roughly the same position I've been in since 11 this morning. :-) I've been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Deb, Dano's older sister, down in Austin for the whole break. I'm also torrenting the whole series so I won't have to be stuck in the sofa for the rest of the weekend. :-p I've seen some of the episodes so I can skip those, and also, my computer has PAUSE. :-) Very important.

In other news, I'm still plodding along in my life and studies... and relationships. :-/ Unfortunately, hanging around Laura, she gets jealous of EVERY new female I come in contact with. I know it's just jealousy... and I'm happy for her being with Andrew, she's trying to be good, even though she fails sometimes too. I'm trying to help her with that but nobody's perfect.

Of course, she may have a reason to be jealous, because there are girls that I think would be good candidates for pursuit, (though putting it that way makes it sound like a game or a business venture, it's not that at all.) I'm just not dating anyone and don't plan to for a while (The semester's end is near, but the future is unclear as usual.) *sigh* God help me, please.

On a final note, seeing the SAME 15 commercials OVER and OVER and OVER all day long... is really freaking annoying. However, I do get multiple chances to pick out every single detail. My sarcasm muscles are getting an excellent workout.

That's all for now I suppose, I can't wait for Christmas break, but I need to prepare for the summer and other stuff in the future. Yay planning. :-/

-Gilligan

Woah... long time.

So, long time no blog... dang. more than a month.

Well then, let's see... what has happened since September 28th? hmm... well, to put it mildly, lots. I've had 3 Business Law tests, 2 Networks tests, 3 Financial Management tests (two of which I finished late... darn take-homes), one Managerial Accounting test (a midterm) and a few case studies, and a Database test or two. I have not done the two or three Programming assignments for Networks, nor have I completed all of the SQL exercises for Databases. I have seen one play/production at the school, Tomas' Kubinek... lunatic extraordinaire or something like that. I'm passing 4 out of 5 classes with A's as of midterms (really need to get on those programming assignments...) and I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving break. :-D Whew. that's a lot of school.

As far as life in general goes, I'm doing pretty good I suppose. A few major hiccups in the general routine here and there, but so far it's been fairly smooth. I've rediscovered the amazing results that not-procrastinating can do, namely: things get done! Incredible, I know.

In the realm of relationships, things have been tipsy-turvy emotionally, but outwardly they've been pretty darn smooth. The ex is now dating someone, so I'm glad for that. There was still the possibility we might get back together, but that was putting a big strain on me, possibly my own fault, 'cause I've set a deadline of the spring for a yes or no on that... things can't really flow naturally when you put a deadline on relational decisions... Speaking of which, there was a major bump in the road... and I mean REALLY major... like life decisions flashing before my eyes (almost literally, in fact) back in the middle of October... I did get back together with Laura, but then reason got the better of me and I broke it off 26 hours later... because I'd made a promise not to date at all this semester. :-/ In the end, I realize it was a rash decision, but I'm pretty sure I would have been pleased with the results, but I'm still good this way, and I think it might be better.

I'm looking out for new friends to hang out with, and still keeping in touch with the ones I love, namely Dano and Laura, my two best friends. I hope to carry their relationships with me until the day I die.

Speaking of new relationships, I'm also looking for a mentor to help guide me through life a little bit, someone whose brain I can pick every so often about questions I've got about this or that. Still haven't found one, but I haven't been looking extremely hard either. I've emailed one guy, my RD's husband, but he hasn't responded, so I'm questioning whether I sent it to the wrong email address... I'll probably just go down and knock on their door once I'm done writing this.

Another thing that happened was the (bi?)annual Career Fair hosted by LeTourneau... which gave me a few contacts for internships and co-ops for this summer. I'm hoping to get paid, but there's an opportunity through Gospel for Asia that seems really intriguing and something I'm quite interested in. It's a small operation managing their administration, so I'd get to wear a lot of hats, managing a network, databases, help desk, even some web development, front and back end stuffs... so all in all it'll give me a bigger taste of real-world problems and hopefully set me off in the right direction for the rest of my career, which might even be with them for a long while.

A last word of wisdom, from me to you, and advice for us both:
We've all got some growing to do. The one person to stick your life together with is not someone that is perfect (aside from Jesus, no one is), but someone that is committed to improvement, and continual devotion to Christ, the supreme ruler and example for us all. :-) So don't try to be perfect, but strive for it daily, and don't get discouraged when you fail. We all do, and God loves us anyways.

More Thoughts from Relient K

Nothing Without You
Relient K

Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll deliver what's expected of me
Let's make believe we're all okay
Or better yet pretend
We're doing better
Than we've ever been
I think it's safe to say
That we've forgotten what regret's worth

Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance

We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Unmask ourselves
And we'll find...

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)

I've given up on acting
Like I'm perfect
I advise you all
To do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced
To feeling ashamed
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back
As soon as God lets me

Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance

We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Cause when we try it alone
Then we find...

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)

(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours

We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)

(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)

Deodorant and God

So, I changed my deodorant a little while ago, and thought nothing of it.
Then yesterday I was poking around Digg, and came across GoodGuide.com, a new site designed to help you make good choices when buying products, so that you can support companies and products that are good for the environment and good for you.

I was poking around and clicking on random categories, and one of the first I went to was Men's deodorant, cause every guy needs deodorant, right? (Answer: YES.) As it turns out, my new deodorant choice, Degree Clean Slate, was one of the top rated deodorants there. This is a good thing. :-)

That got me thinking metaphorically, (because really, what doesn't?) and I thought about how much of a jerk I've been recently (Amazingly enough a sinful human like myself CAN be completely self-centered and blinded by false passions... who knew?), and how God has given, or is willing to give me a clean slate as long as I'm willing to turn everything over to Him, again. It really stinks when you realize that your plan for things really won't turn out that great for anyone involved. That's when I have to simply throw my hands up and say "It's all yours, God! It never was mine in the first place. Forgive me for being selfish and screwing things up. Help me to follow you, and mend my mistakes as only You can. Thank you for teaching me through this, and give me your strength and wisdom that I might not sin against you and others in the future."

Now that I've done that... I need to make sure to keep it in God's hands, and to try and follow His will, wherever that may lead my life.

Pictures = Words*1000

I stole this idea from Teal, who stole it from someone else. It's a fun and thought-provoking project, and I love the way the images flow together.
So here goes. The rules were:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose 3 columns with 4 rows.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your favorite animal.

And this is the result:

1. Saint Stephen's Basilica, 2. Italian food., 3. Jesus, sculpted by Bertel Thorvaldsen, 4. DIY: Black Straws Snoot Grid_001, 5. An Olsen Twin??!??....ackkkkkk!!!, 6. Chai (Tea) and Moth Smoke..., 7. World's Largest Cruise Ship III, 8. An Enticing Array of Toothsome Dessert..., 9. Smart home, 10. Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club, 11. Beavers Breakfast, 12. Cute cat

1) First name is Stephen, and that's a picture of St. Stephen's something-or-other.
2) Favorite food is Italian. Maybe it wasn't fair to choose an entire genre, but I like all food in general, so it's tough to pick.
3) High school was Redeemer Classical Christian School, but that didn't bring anything up, nor did "Redeemer Classical Christian". "Redeemer Classical" finally brought up this picture of a statue.
4) My favorite color is black I suppose, cause it absorbs every color. I have no idea how that picture is related.
5) I used to have a crush on the Olson twins, so I searched for olson twins.. and this is what came up. :-p
6) CHAI! 'Nough said. Not so sure about the book though. Never heard of it.
7) Dream vacation is a world cruise, so a search brought up the world's largest cruise ship, which would be awesome as well.
8) I like all desserts, so I typed in dessert, and that looks pretty tasty, I must say.
9) I want to work in home networking and automation, and this diagram of a "Smart Home" pretty much fits it well.
10) I love (or am trying to) love God first and foremost... so this "Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club" fits, right?
11) I can definitely describe myself as a beaver. If you don't know the animal personality types, check out this blog.
12) My favorite animals are definitely cats. Big cats are awesome, but house cats rock too.

Thoughts from Relient K

I don't like the steps I took
To get to look
Into your deepest feelings
And I don't like the place I'm in
Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling

Cause if I'm restless then why do I
I want nothing but to rest my soul
And I don't get this and I know why
You see sometimes things are just beyond control

But I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
I'm not surprised to find that you do
I know you do
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die too

Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which direction's the correct one
Do I discard or remake it
Cause if I don't know then I don't know
But I may know someone who knows me more than I
And If I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life

Well I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
You see I know that I have done all this to you
To you
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
Yeah I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die
Yeah I'll curl up with you until I die with you

Things I have accomplished

In the past week or two:

1. Got my unread Google Reader feeds down to 14 (from 140something)
2. Got my unread Gmail down to 0 (from 80something)
3. Drove to school (w/ my mom)
4. Unpacked.
5. Hooked up to internet. (Yay!)
6. Met old friends and talked to some new people. (Can't call them friends yet... I can't remember most of their names.)
7. Fixed a MAJOR problem with the registrar. (Finishing that up tomorrow... ugh. More details to follow)
8. Fixed a MAJOR problem with a friend. (That's mostly dealt with... no loose ends to think of at this point.)

That's about it... Ok, now for the more details.

Basically I'd been working with the school to get me re-enrolled over the summer, and hopefully pre-registered, even though I wasn't coming back as a "returning student". I'd been away for a year and thus should have done things the new-student way, but I've got connections. Which is a VERY good thing, because we got 40 or so freshmen on our floor, and I wouldn't have been able to snag a spot had I waited much longer. Anywho, on to the financial snafu. Issue one: How to get LeTourneau to receive the $30,000 loan I'd applied for... Apparently they need to certify it before they can get the money (to prove they're a legitimate school, I suppose.) That slowed things down a bit, and it still hasn't gone through, but now I have till September 8th to get it done. Whew.
Issue two: EVEN THOUGH I'd been talking with the school ALL SUMMER about getting me registered and enrolled and all that, when they asked for some papers, and I forgot to send a copy of my W-2s (and then handed them to Dad to deal with...) they assumed I'd withdrawn, thus clearing my Student affairs information, Blackboard account, classes, and financial aid. Ugh. Double ugh, and triple ugh. Luckily it all seemed to have gotten straightened out, but I still need to get some health forms re-submitted and dad needs to send in another piece of paper (apparently it's an important one) before everything is completely smoothed out. Also good is I will only have one more fall to deal with, and that will be done as a returning student. Easy, right? (Let's hope so.)

Also on the academic side of things, I've returned with more fervor for getting things done this time around, and actually achieving a 3.0 or better. It's too bad I didn't keep it before, cause then I'd still have some scholarships... and some need based aid. Ugh. I sucketh(ed). But no longer! Now all that's needed is a consistent schedule, getting ahead in class, and a heavy reliance on the One that keeps me alive. It's a good thing.

In relationships... Well specifically ones with girls, and most particularly the deep important ones, mine have had less than stellar interactions recently. Though most recently, we've had a big long talk that have put things to rest and in their place. I hope. I'm not dating for the next semester, and I'll be looking for potential mates starting in the spring, who knows if I'll find a suitable female... But I've got a year and a half left after this one. *sigh* Why can't relationships be so hard? Why can't they just work out? When they're on track, life is grand. When they take a turn for the worse, your whole world is upside down.

In the words of an excellent friend, "It's over, it's done, I'm back. Now time for trouble." Uh... well actually, scratch that second sentence. ;-)

Stephe (planning)

To all those concerned

Everything's fine, or at least as good as it's gonna be for a while. I'm finally down at school, I shall post again to let y'all know what's been going on, in summary. The long and short of it is, I'm excited, and nervous, and goshdarnit gonna get B's at the very least. :-) Ta.

xkcd and CAD

Lost in drama?

Unlikely, but at least I think we've crested a peak. There was a lot of misunderstanding, very little actual communication, even though we were saying the same thing, there were assumptions being made and of course neither knew of the others... But now that straight answers have been given, there looks to be peace for the time being.

In other news, I just finished my last day of Physics II, and I think I completely bombed the test. Well, not a 0, but less than 50... no, less than 40% complete. :-/ But, I've got a solid B in the class so far, and I did turn in all of the homework (except for the last chapter), so I'm not too worried.

And finally, I'm leaving for Vermont in an hour or so, need to scrape up some books and make sure my library items won't go overdue on me before I get back. Also, some breakfast would be nice. mmm... eggs... Right! So I'll be out of town and most likely out of bandwidth, so don't worry all 5 of you that read this blog, I haven't died. But I may in a month... School starts up again.

Stephe(train of thoug...SQUIRRELS!)



(Note: This was originally part of the previous post, "An end to the drama?", but since more people are finding it useful for dealing with scammers, I've decided to separate out the personal life from the transaction.)

An end to the drama?

Scams are funny things, even better when you catch on and try and take the guy for a ride. Here's an example of one that unfolded over this past week:

Hi

Between You and Donald Flora

Donald Flora

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August 1 at 1:07pm

Hi Jones Plz i am interested in buying your item, i will like to know if the item is still available ok..

You

August 1 at 2:03pm

Thank you for your interest, but I have already gotten another offer and am waiting for him to send payment.

Donald Flora

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August 2 at 4:44am

ok.. but in case the buyer did not turn up, plz do let me know ok..

You

August 2 at 12:14pm

Sure thing. In fact, I think that one was a scam. He wanted to set up his "shipping company" and have me wire money back to him. So, I have a question for you: Your name is Donald, but your brief profile says you're female? Where are you located? (Don't need an address, just a locale)

Donald Flora

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August 2 at 1:04pm

ok.. My full name is Donald Flora and i base in UK.. i actually want to buy your item for my collegue in West Africa Lagos, Nigeria and i will appreciate if you can send the item to him on my behalf ok.. if you can do this for me kindly get back to me with the total amount i will be sending to you including the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria ok.. and also include your full name and house address and phone number so that i can make payment to you imediately via Western Union Bidpay ok.. I wait your soonest reply..

You

August 3 at 12:53am

Nope, no thanks. I don't do international scams either.

Donald Flora

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August 3 at 8:48am

what do you mean by that my friend.. I base in Uk and i want the item for my collegue in Nigeria, i don,t mean any harm ok.. i will appreciate if you sell to me but if you don,t want to sell to me.. no problem ok.. but i am not a scammer.. Takia and have a nice weekend...

You

August 3 at 12:48pm

Sorry, but anything having to do with Nigeria and wiring money sounds fishy to me. I'll use paypal, but I don't want to ship it internationally.

Loading...

Donald Flora

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August 3 at 1:47pm

Well i know the problem we white face with blacks most expecially Nigerians but i want you to know that we still have some good Nigerians ok.. just like we the whites, we have some good white and bad white, so i will appreciate if you are not being skeptical.. I will appreciate if you can send the item to Lagos,Nigeria and i am willing to pay for the shipping cost.. fine you want me to send you money via Paypal no problem ok.. you get me the total amount i will be remitting into your Paypal account and don,t forget to include the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria and i want you to send me the item description and your email address ok.. all we need is trusting each other ok. and i think i am taking more risk by sending you money first before you send the item but i don,t think i have problem with that because you sound very nice and honest.

please do this me and you wll never regret meeting or knowing me ok..

Thank you and have a lovely weekend..

Donald..

You

August 5 at 7:44pm

Alright, I'll trust you on this. Please forgive my ignorance and hesitation. Please remit $260 to the paypal account registered to stephen21236@gmail.com.
Also include the name and address where you would like me to ship it. Once I receive payment, it will take approximately 2-3 days to get the funds transferred to my bank account and shipped out. Thank you and have a good day.

Stephen

Donald Flora

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August 6 at 4:08am

Hello..

I have sent you the total sum 260$ has you have requested via paypal.. please don,t you think 2-3days is too long before you send the item down to Nigeria.. please think about that cos i want the item send down to Lagos, Nigeria before the week runs out.. this is the address you will be sending the item to Below.

A.M.KELVIN,
15,MAXWELL IJEH CRESCENT,
AGUDA,SURULERE,
LAGOS,23401.
NIGERIA,Tel.234014819214.

Please i wait the shipment tracking number as soon as you send the item to the above address ok.. thank you and is nice meeting you..

You

August 6 at 6:47am

Thank you, but I have not yet recieved an email from Paypal alerting me that I have the money in my account. I also checked my balance and recent transactions and they have not changed. As soon as I get the money I will be happy to ship it out. Perhaps you would like me to send a request for payment through paypal? What is the email address you have registered with paypal?

Donald Flora

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August 6 at 2:19pm

I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the to you.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..

Donald..

Donald Flora

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August 6 at 2:35pm

I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the payment to you by paypal.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..

Donald..

You

August 6 at 3:27pm

Yes, please send me a copy of that invoice. I have not yet received an official email from Paypal. Also, Paypal is instant, and I should see the money in my account. I don't care who you are, I do believe you are trying to scam me, and not doing a very good job. As soon as I see the funds transferred, I will ship, but I cannot ship something without having the money to pay for it.

Donald Flora

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Today at 4:01am

You sound a little bit too ash ok..i am an elderly man and i can see from your pics that you are a young man and i can never scammed a boy of your age ok..if you think this is a scam then lets cancel this transaction since you don,t trust me that much ok.. there is no need for the invoice ok.. plz makeup your mind before the day runs out ok.. i can not tolorate anymore of you insult thank you and have a niceday..

You

Today at 10:17am

Well, since I don't believe you, that's perfectly fine with me. You sent me three copies of the same fake Paypal email, with a fake transaction number and from a false email address. You haven't attempted to verify your identity against my accusations, your profile does not match the description of yourself, and you've just contradicted even your own fake email. Thank you for the amusing ride. Expect to be hearing from Facebook and Paypal soon.

Now time to go click that "Report Message" link. A lot.

5 years later, 60-70% true.

Relient K - College Kids
Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do.
(Edited for accuracy. :-P)

Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what I did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in the end midst of it I questioned why I did

I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend
Sell all my books for front row tickets to Dave Matthews Band
My girlfriend's at another school I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had 3 other boyfriends last semester

[Chorus]
And that's why I say
Oh no, not for me, not for me
Call it torture, call it university
No, arts and crafts is all I need
I'll take calligraphy and then I'll make a fake degree

80 100 grand later I found out that all I had learned
Is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
The party scene is kinda mean, I think it's sick and twisted
The navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that I enlisted

[Chorus]

Don't get excited, she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
And I've decided college girls just won't go out with me
They make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
Like cell phone service I drop out 'cause college is too hard

It's time to call my father
'Cause it's his alma mater
Good grades aren't what they seem
I think he knows the dean
It's time to call my father
Cause it's his alma mater
He said he's proud of me
But college always was his dream (My dad did go to college, but he knew I could do better than he)
And I would always say it's not for me

[Chorus]

Phi, beta, delta, kappa
Do what will make you God happy
Do what you feel know is right
Only but one thing matters
Learn how to live your life.


5 years later and it's more relevant than ever... Except for the fact that I'm going back to school with renewed fervor and a desire to excel academically, as well as spiritually, and hopefully, eventually, relationally. But that comes later, and in whatever timing God deems appropriate. Blasted God, not fitting into my timetable. The nerve. ;-) Here's to the future! It's out of my control, and I'm fine with that! :-D (But it's scary!)

Stephen(Quivering In God's Hands)

Timing. It happens.

Last Saturday I went to a session on Do Hard Things, an idea, and now a book, and a "Rebeloution" started by Alex and Brett Harris, which is a "Teenage rebellion against low expectations" as they call it. It was pretty encouraging, to see how god can use you to do hard things, and how that benefits everybody. We picked up the book and a DVD of the conference (previously recorded... :-p), and I plan to read through it before I leave for school. Hopefully I'll be able to apply it... Well, I know I'll be able to apply it somehow, with God's help, since that is the premise.

Secondly, I'd gotten pretty frustrated with a certain someone just before that, because it seemed we were in a quandary and one of us needed to make a decision. That decision hasn't come yet, but my attitude has changed about it, or rather, gotten more firm in one direction, and I'm being intentionally vague. Partly because I'm not exactly sure what's ahead, partly because it may not matter, and partly because I'd like to protect the somewhat innocent and/or guilty.

Thirdly, because of these issues, I desired to talk with a pastor about them and ask for advice, being quite blunt and honest and hoping for a direction that I realized may not come. But, it turned out that that pastor was the one giving the sermon yesterday (we have seven pastors, btw) and it happened to be on faith, and how God uses it, specifically how our flawed faith looks for God to fix the situation, when really God wants to draw us closer to him and transform our faith into a faith in Himself, rather than His actions. It was pretty intense, cause it applied to my issues at the moment, and it seemed to apply to another friend's life, and it was the pastor I'd wanted to talk to. I spoke with him briefly after church was over and asked him for a meeting sometime this week, which I need to email him about presently. We'll see how that goes.

Fourthly, I was really feeling not too great about stuff and life and myself and wanting to smack a certain person over the head, or eliminate another from the picture to make things easier... which I would never physically do, I realized. Luckily, I was going out to play paintball after church, which I was looking forward to, and hoped it would lighten my spirits possibly. So, we got there, and it was looking good for a bit, we set up the teams, and as the rules were being explained, it got really dark... an ominous sign. Then we sent everybody to their bases, and while we were waiting to start, it started to drizzle, then sprinkle, and eventually downpour... We all got soaked. I had brought my electronic gun too, so I was keeping it dry under my shirt, which didn't help too much. We played on, slowly, and after about half an hour or 45 minutes, it let up, and we kept playing. All in all, at the end of the day, I was feeling slightly better, and was ready to tackle life again and write up this post, which I didn't get to because of other distractions later, but that's another story.

In summary, God is not against me, and however He works things will be OK with me. It's alright I guess to have the control taken out of my hands, but I really wish He would give some guidance to others on the situation I'm in. Unfortunately, I can't change them, only myself. So, I will continue to work on being a competent leader, and be diligent in school and in life, and in working on relationships, which are the most important part of life.

I saw a T-shirt at the Do Hard Things seminar that had on the back of it: "Live. Love. Lead." and on the front, something like "Man School". I want that shirt, because it is a great motto to live by, and one I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life, but most pressingly in the next coming months. I also thought that there a lot of other "L" words that might be useful for life, such as "Learn", "Laugh", "Listen", and many others. I'll be editing this post with more as I find more, feel free to comment with your own wholesome additions.

Stephe(L^3)

Another fun post

Not too much to report on the home front, except class is going, and I still don't have a job, and my CD is suddenly losing much of its value (in that I will have debts to pay off, and that's my only source of cash for the foreseeable future. I did however manage to land a job on campus for next semester, due to my magnificent human-networking skills... Actually it was a friend that offered me the position, by adding me to the team I'll be increasing the department's workforce by 50%. (Have some quick math, enjoy!) So, it looks like it should be alright, and I'll get some experience in a field that at least somewhat resembles what I'll be working with once I graduate. I've been fascinated by circuits as of late though... blame it on Physics II. Magnetism however, is a beast. Electric fields too, but at least those are in the scope of the course. :-/ Anywho, I digress. On to the funny! If you watch Diggnation regularly you might have already seen this one, but I thought it was pretty good. It's a list of "Twenty-five Signs You've Grown Up."
Now, I can personally attest to several of them, and of course it's from a worldview that is not my own, but on the whole it's a good list. Here are some of my favorites.

#4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

#11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (Pretty awkward, actually...)

#16. You take naps.

#21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Of course I eat it at breakfast time, I also eat it at other times. Pizza isn't bad though. ;-)

Heh, well I guess I've still got a little ways to go. I think most of them depend on me graduating from college first, so once I pass that mile marker, I'll knock several out at once. Until then, it's just a lot of hurry up and wait.

Stephe(growing)

Um... Dang.

No fence sitting, please

#341. Being Switzerland (Or me and the "Family Guy")
from Stuff Christians Like by Prodigal Jon
I often try my best to please everyone, but I also try to choose the best path. Usually, however, that ends up being a mediocre path, and no one really knows what's best. I do what I enjoy and judge it based on if it's not bad. This is not the right way.

... You see, sometimes I live my life as if it's possible to be Switzerland. I pretend in my head that there are three paths to choose in this world. There is God's way, satan's way and neutral. But there's not, over and over again that is established in the Bible. Jesus even says in Mark 9, "for whoever is not against us is for us."
...
But I don't live that way. I have rewritten that verse to read, "Anything that is not inherently evil or illegal is OK." That takes God out of the picture. That takes the holy and the pure out of the picture. And it leaves me watching the show, "Family Guy."
...
Here's the thing though, I trick myself into thinking it's OK because it's not technically evil. I mean porn, witchcraft, the occult, those things are clearly not healthy. Family Guy is just a crass cartoon. Drugs, stealing, lying, those are clearly sins. Family Guy is just a 30 minute television show. I could do this all day.
...
The tricky thing about this whole idea is that it's so easy to corrupt into being judgmental. For me to say, "my definition of faith is the only right one and if you don't like it you are siding with the devil. You're such a pagan."

I don't have a clear answer for that, but I do have a thought. Maybe it's not about getting one answer and then moving on with your entire life as if you've been given the formula or secret code to God. Maybe it's about doing what Paul said, putting the question of good or evil to everything we face? Maybe it's about constant use.

I will probably make 100 decisions this weekend. Instead of jumping in as fast as I can, I hope I ask myself which side am I choosing. Is this good or evil? Wrong or right?

In other words, don't sit on the fence, cause all you'll get out of it are splinters in your butt.

A thinking post. With links!

So, I've got another "they said it first" post, with a little introspective commenting to spare.

1. #329. Arguing about the "wives submit to your husbands" idea. from Stuff Christians Like by Prodigal Jon
He doesn't actually argue about that idea, nor does he set out to explain it, but he does lay out a "quick list of the things that have kept my marriage not insane." ;-) These include:
1. Don't call tasks around the house "chores."
2. Don't piggyback activities.
3. All exercise is real.
4. Don't say you are "babysitting" your own kids. and
5. Back rubs should not be timed.
The last one is, of course, the most important. ;-)


2. #330. Saying "if only"
In short, it's a bad habit to get into. That's pretty easy to get your head around, but if you're not careful, watch out! From his post:

If only is something we Christians like to say when faced with a temptation.
...
If only is a phrase I use to medicate myself. Instead of turning to God in a time of need, I pretend the only thing that stands between me and perfect happiness is one "if only."
...
I might be the only one with an "if only" in my life. Maybe you have never thought, "If only I could get married, then I would be happy," or "If only I had a different job, then I would be worry free." But if you have, if you are at all like me, I want to propose something. I think we need to retire the phrase "if only." Let's send it to an early grave. Let's strike it from our vocabularies and pull it from our hearts, because it's one of those lies that holds us back from seeing what is truly beautiful about our own lives. It takes our eyes of the good that already exists. It makes us blind.

I agree. We can't forsake what we have for what may be, but we also need to make sure that what we have is what God wants us to have, otherwise He may make things rough on us if we settle for it cause it's easy and cling to it when it's hard and He tries to take it away from us.


3. #335. Red Bull Christianity

Have you ever wondered what the prodigal son did the day after the welcome home party? I mean honestly, once the welcome home banners were down and the floor was swept and the sun came back up after a long night of celebrating, what did he do? How did he spend that day?

I don't know, but I do know how I spent the first few months after my most significant prodigal chapter. I spent them sprinting. I spent them running as hard as I could for the Lord. I was overwhelmed by this sense that I had to make up for all the lost time. Sin had swallowed so many years of my life and I felt guilty for the wasted time. It was now my job to fix 30 years of sin with a few months of intense holiness.

So I got drunk on Red Bull Christianity.

I really thought that was how God worked. ...I believed that I had to express my faith in hyperspeed. ... I couldn't do it. I failed, again. Do you know why? Because that's not what God wants. ... I want to tell you one of the reasons I am a huge fan of God.

In Isaiah 30:15 He lays out a pretty simple formula for life and in it, He expresses something really powerful. Here is the verse:

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."

I love that our God is a fan of rest. I love that in His mind, rest is important. I love that our God demands we take naps. But I ignore that demand all too often.

Christian culture has done a really big disservice when it comes to this verse. In some ways, we've deleted the phrase "and rest." ... But here's the thing, I don't think it's accidental that God paired them together. I think He knows how exhausting it is to repent. I think He knows that at the end of a prodigal journey, when we have repented by walking home, the last thing we need is to run around as fast as we can and make up for lost time. No not that, never that. What we need is rest. What we need is quietness and trust.

I'm writing a book about the prodigal son because I think I might know what he did the day after the welcome home party. If he listened to his father. If he took the advice of God, it's not too hard to imagine.

I think the first thing he did was sleep in.

Now that's a handful... I don't ever remember seeing that verse, but I'm gonna save it to read over much more often. It's a real smack in my face when I'm hit with a verse like that and I'm trying to do my best to please God on my own strength. I can't. It's not possible. Only when I rest in Him are my actions pleasing to Him. Now, he isn't saying that we can just sleep the days away and be perfect Christians, we should be reminded of the sluggard. But we also can't make up for lost time, we just have to work with the time we're given.



4. 
This one I just thought was cute and funny.


5. Are tattoos sinful?
I say no. I say it's kindof like the meat offered to idols that Paul was talking about, except it's different because once you've got one, you've got one. You can't take off your tattoo when it makes other people uncomfortable. But it's also not going to make anyone else sin, and like any piece of art, they can be beautiful, or they can be grotesque. I think I'll go with simple and/or beautiful, thank you. But not on my body. Not for me, not now.


6. #339. Forgiveness (or lessons from the Cuban torture specialist)
This one hit me too, mainly cause it's on the topic of forgiveness, something I need to give a whole freaking lot of to a certain someone. To you, I forgive you, would you forgive me? I'll forgive you and ask again with each medium I can think of to say it. :-)

Stephe

Short post

Yeah, so it looks like I won't be posting anytime soon, probably not till Saturday, since Physics is threatening to take over my life for the next month, I do so hope it doesn't. I also hope the AmLit professor has mercy on me for not turning in the take-home test on time. Again, stupid physics. It's smarter than me, and it knows it.

Stephe(surviving)

Pictures!

Alrighty, here's a prettyful (pun intended. x.x) post o' pics for ya. I got a kick out of them, and I hope you will too.









As a side note, I'm thinking these could possibly be used as a "my life in pictures" kinda deal... weird. And amazingly odd how teh interwebs always seems how to read my mind.

Stephe(being watched?)

Linky!

Ok folks, lotsa links. I encourage you to seek out and obtain subscriptions to the blogs I'll mention, but if not, I'll still probably still pull from them occasionally in the future.

First off, I think I'll summarize the first three, three Boundless articles, talking, as usual, about relationships.

• "Our One-Track Mind," by John Thomas replies to a readers questions about their stance on marriage, why it seems to be presented as formulaic and dry. He says he'd rather "marry a non-christian who I could have a happy family with, than marry a Christian, doing it your way, and be unhappy because we married purely on the grounds we both believed in God and followed Jesus."
  Obviously the answer is that there is a lot more to it than marrying "purely" on the grounds of shared faith, but that it's a non-negotiable part of the mix. There are many more great points that they make that I subscribe to, so read up on it.



• "Settling," by Scott Croft is another great article that expands on a previous article, entitled "When to Settle," by Candice Watters. This article is basically a reinforcement of the fact that marriage doesn't solve all issues, and that it won't magically fulfill your every need. Here's a quote:

  Every person who decides to marry makes the decision to marry a sinner. That means you will marry someone who is at some level selfish, who has insecurities and an ego, who has annoying tendencies that you will only discover after marriage because they will only be revealed in that intimate context. And don't forget, your spouse will have married the same type of person. As sinners, we all "settle" for marriage to a person who will not always meet our sinful, individualized, selfish whims, who will not be the spouse we "dreamed of" every day, and who likely entered the bargain with some level of expectation that you were going to be the one for them.
  
  It's also true that anyone who enters marriage expecting it to serve as a substitute for Christ in the ultimate fulfillment of his or her own desires for companionship, love, intimacy, security or anything else will indeed be disillusioned — quickly. It's a fallen world, and we are sinners. We cannot gain in any earthly relationship what the world tells us to seek from "romance" and marriage. We all settle.

  
  Also, she makes the point that no Christian should "settle" in a marriage, using it to replace the fulfillment they should be getting from God. Another great read. I learned something.



• The last one really ties into the article on settling, because it attempts to knock down our selfish desires a bit and make us realize we shouldn't be looking for someone that "qualifies" in every single little detail we might come up with for someone to "make the list" of our affection. Rather we should be looking as peasants, focusing on one big thing, the important thing, rather than many small things. Of course, there are small things that may make the relationship nicer and smoother, but there must be a very few big things that are at the core of our requirements list. "Looking for Love Like a Peasant," by A.J. Kiesling is another should-read.

The rest I think I'll try and condense to a sentence or two, cause I might as well make a separate blog post for each if they're all gonna be as long as those "summaries" I just wrote. :-p

• Stuff Christians Like


• The Unaccountability Partner
Guilty of this, unfortunately. I hope to find someone I can be truly uncomfortable, yet completely honest with when I get down to Texas, for I shall be spending much time there.

• Telling someone the sermon was for them
Guilty of this as well. In fact, towards the beginning of this summer I told someone that an entire series of sermons was for them. I wonder if they've even listened to them. They were definitely good for me as well, but I may not have emphasized that as much. I think I'll go back and listen to them again.

• Too many kaleidoscopes, not enough telescopes.
This one I'm tempted to tell someone that this is for them as well, but I can definitely apply it to my life. A lot. Not really sure how to yet, but God's still working, and He ain't finished yet!

That's it for now, I'm caught up to about yesterday on the thought provoking blogs. I'll post a picture-ful blog tomorrow most likely.

I read too much.

I definitely read too many good things... I've also got to catch up a bit on the blog. There are so many other blog posts that are awesome and good and applicable and all that... I think I will so a link post sometime soon, just to get them off my plate. Also, I'll highly recommend that you subscribe to the feeds yourself so that you too can get the full goodness of the blogs I read.

Stephe(behind)

It's now 1:50 AM

And, after three short days, I've just finished catching up on Questionable Content, the webcomic that mimics, mirrors, and mocks my relationship with Laura in so many ways it's not funny, but in some ways it is. I now have four words of advice for her, straight from my own mouth. They are: SNAP. OUT. OF. IT.

Stephe(much more to say)

Comic profundity

I'd never think I'd read something so profound in a comic about everyday life, but I suppose XKCD has its moments too... anyways, since I'm now hooked on Questionable Content, I've been reading it pretty much non-stop in the afternoons (since about two days ago...). Which is a bad thing, seeing as I've got a paper due in two days that I haven't written much more than a concept draft of. But enough of me rambling, on to the quote!

Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past,
Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future,
And common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now.
Questionable Content #976

Extremely good advice, in my opinion.

Stephe(wondering and pondering)

Spurgeon or no?

So, I've continued to read up in Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (generally in bursts every three or four days...) and I've found that the verses he's been using recently tend to be taken out of context more and more often, even though his comments and advice are good. So, I'm considering dropping the dead dude and just reading through a chapter of the Bible every day. Any good suggestions as to where I should start? Proverbs is always a good one, and it makes it real easy to pull one or two out and comment on them myself here, but they can get a little overwhelming with all the stuff packed into each chapter. My Dad's worked out (or is still working on) a daily reading schedule of the Bible, based of a chronological Bible, which means that you get through the whole Bible in a year, in roughly the same order that they think the events actually happened. I may start reading that once he's done with it.

Also, I took to playing a little bit of the CCG Magic, and when I mentioned it to Mom and Dad, Dad was like, "Well, that sounds very Wiccan to me, I'll do some research, but I'm trying to warn your soul." And of course he has good intentions, and I don't really support the game, except for the fact that Dave and I drove to Philly Saturday night to pick up 5000 common cards for $20 (we split them, I paid for gas and he paid for the cards). It's fun for sure. A bit of competition, a lot of strategy, and I get to play it at work sometimes if the boss is in a good mood. After all, he's the one that started it.

However, due to the nature of the game, and a combination of my research and my Dad's, and our gut feelings about it, I think I will get out of it and sell my cards back to the guys. I think I'll keep playing till the end of the summer though, cause it's a great thing to pass the time when there's nothing else to do. I think I'll also sell my Warhammer 40K stuffs and stick to the Paper and Pencil RPGs. Dad's still against D&D as a concept, but I'm gonna talk and see if I can't reason with him and pull in some Star Wars or Lord of the Rings parallels.

Stephe(trying,learning,living)

So incredibly true

It's not funny, really it's not. :-p
Not that I care. Blissful ignorance has served me well thus far, I think I'll continue.
/SARCASM

Heh. Hehe... *SNICKER*

Came across this earlier... Wow. So true. X-D

Heh, Oh jeez.

Really? :-p

Sometimes I feel like this.

My middle name ("More-complicated-than-necessary") lives up to itself sometimes, and my thought processes are not so different from these. :-p

Be just and rigorous

Spurgeon's Thought for this morning can be summed up in the last few phrases:

Be just to all, but be rigorous to yourself. Remember if it be not a rock on which you build, when the house shall fall, great will be the fall of it. O may the Lord give you sincerity, constancy, and firmness; and in no day, however evil, may you be led to turn aside.

And his thought for the evening as well, a little more verbose:

Have you come forth from the lust of pride? Have you escaped from slothfulness? Have you clean escaped from carnal security? Are you seeking day by day to live above worldliness, the pride of life, and the ensnaring vice of avarice? Remember, it is for this that you have been enriched with the treasures of God. If you be indeed the chosen of God, and beloved by him, do not suffer all the lavish treasure of grace to be wasted upon you. Follow after holiness; it is the Christian's crown and glory. An unholy church! it is useless to the world, and of no esteem among men. It is an abomination, hell's laughter, heaven's abhorrence. The worst evils which have ever come upon the world have been brought upon her by an unholy church. O Christian, the vows of God are upon you. You are God's priest: act as such. You are God's king: reign over your lusts. You are God's chosen: do not associate with Belial. Heaven is your portion: live like a heavenly spirit, so shall you prove that you have true faith in Jesus, for there cannot be faith in the heart unless there be holiness in the life.

The last line speaks of the fruit that results from a faithful heart and a willing spirit. If there is not one, there is not the other. There can't be holiness in the life without faith in the heart, and if you have faith in the heart but are not willing to act on it, your faith is dead and useless.

Can you find rest elsewhere?

Simple and true, we cannot, nor should we, find full satisfaction in this world alone. There may be satisfaction for a time, rest for a day, a month, a year, but it is not enough. We must crave more, better, higher things. We must crave Christ. If we do not for a time, we are not to be shaken, as though because we turn to simple pleasures and forget about God, He has forgotten about us. But we cannot leave it at that. We need to remember that this world is only temporary, and the true gold is in our Heavenly palace.
(Emphasis and paragraph breaks added)

Thought for the evening of June 25

Reader, can you find rest apart from the ark, Christ Jesus? Then be assured that your religion is vain. Are you satisfied with anything short of a conscious knowledge of your union and interest in Christ? Then woe unto you.

If you profess to be a Christian, yet find full satisfaction in worldly pleasures and pursuits, your profession is false. If your soul can stretch herself at rest, and find the bed long enough, and the coverlet broad enough to cover her in the chambers of sin, then you are a hypocrite, and far enough from any right thoughts of Christ or perception of his preciousness.

But if, on the other hand, you feel that if you could indulge in sin without punishment, yet it would be a punishment of itself; and that if you could have the whole world, and abide in it for ever, it would be quite enough misery not to be parted from it; for your God-your God-is what your soul craves after; then be of good courage, thou art a child of God. With all thy sins and imperfections, take this to thy comfort: if thy soul has no rest in sin, thou are not as the sinner is! If thou art still crying after and craving after something better, Christ has not forgotten thee, for thou hast not quite forgotten him.

The believer cannot do without his Lord; words are inadequate to express his thoughts of him. We cannot live on the sands of the wilderness, we want the manna which drops from on high; our skin bottles of creature confidence cannot yield us a drop of moisture, but we drink of the rock which follows us, and that rock is Christ. When you feed on him your soul can sing, "He hath satisfied my mouth with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's," but if you have him not, your bursting wine vat and well-filled barn can give you no sort of satisfaction: rather lament over them in the words of wisdom, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!"

Our time on this earth is but a fleeting moment. Let us make the best use of our time as we possibly can.

Demon Hunter + Crazy Cousin = AWESOME

SO! I went to a Demon Hunter + Living Sacrifice concert Monday night... It was a blast. Bit my lip pretty hard when Dave's head met my chin from below, but after a little while I got right back into the pit, this time keeping my mouth closed and my arms out. My lip looked pretty bad, it swelled some and stung, so I sucked on it till it stopped bleeding so much. It still looks bad, but doesn't hurt nearly as much. I also found out today that I chipped a molar... Not too bad, but it'll have to get looked at and filed down most likely. Good thing I have a dentist's appointment scheduled already. :-p

In other news, I'm still reading through Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, though I'm a little behind. I'm also a lot behind on my American Literature reading. Especially so because I've misplaced my copy of the ten-pound tome... ugh. I went to the library to try and find it, and they can't find it either! They think it might be labeled wrong somehow, because every library can't find any of their copies... I reserved one and it should come in tomorrow, and I desperately need it for a presentation I'm doing on some of the readings... :-/ Oh well.

Spurgeon on Sifting

Amos 9:9: For behold, I will command, and shake the house of Israel among all the nations as one shakes with a sieve, but no pebble shall fall to the earth.

Every sifting comes by divine command and permission. Satan must ask leave before he can lay a finger upon Job. Nay, more, in some sense our siftings are directly the work of heaven, for the text says, "I will sift the house of Israel." Satan, like a drudge, may hold the sieve, hoping to destroy the corn; but the overruling hand of the Master is accomplishing the purity of the grain by the very process which the enemy intended to be destructive.

We hear this over and over, and yet every time we are shaken, the faint thought comes into our mind, or perhaps it is a loud voice shouting: "Where is your God? Why has he left you? See this trouble you are in? Why would He ever leave you to something like this? Didn't He say He loved you? And you were foolish enough to believe Him? Ha! Forsake your God, for He has left you. Take charge yourself, for you cannot trust Him. You can do better than this, you know you can."

Do not listen to him! He is a deceiver and a liar, twisting God's words in our darkest moments. Cling to the Truth, and the Speaker of Truth will hold you in His grasp.

God himself sifts, and therefore it is stern and terrible work; he sifts them in all places, "among all nations"; he sifts them in the most effectual manner, "like as corn is sifted in a sieve"; and yet for all this, not the smallest, lightest, or most shrivelled grain, is permitted to fall to the ground. Every individual believer is precious in the sight of the Lord, a shepherd would not lose one sheep, nor a jeweller one diamond, nor a mother one child, nor a man one limb of his body, nor will the Lord lose one of his redeemed people. However little we may be, if we are the Lord's, we may rejoice that we are preserved in Christ Jesus.

Appropriate cats FTW

This one actually reminded me to clean the litter box today...

What do I do now?

She doesn't like me anymore.
No, she didn't really say that, but she's thinking it, I just know it! Cause I'm psychic like that. (Just kidding, please take it in jest, but examine the kernel of truth in the sarcasm)

Wait, but I thought... I'd said that we weren't going to talk so that she could get herself straightened out with God, so things would work better for us. Has this changed? No.

But now I've got this idea that maybe I should pay a little more attention to studies than a girlfriend next semester, maybe Spring too. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I've also got to have a bit more leadership in me, so maybe that's what God wants me to get a grasp of before I go off trying to lead someone else. I'll have to set certain goals for my next relationship, and I hope that Laura can see that it'll be for the better. If being friends is all we can be for a while, then that's what it'll be. God's got it in His hands.

I really hope that by the time I get back, Laura will have gotten some help, some word from God, and once I hang out and spend some more time, I think I'll be able to open up again and be a better friend.

I really wish I'd written down all the promises we'd made, cause I made some hoping she'd keep her end, and then I broke my end, and she broke her end, and I'd thought it could be mended, but if she doesn't see it that way, then so be it, we can work things out and still be friends right?

I don't have anyone in mind for my "next" girlfriend. I'm not interested in anyone seriously, but I really hope it's Laura again. She's really an awesome person, and the only thing she lacks basically is self-esteem and a deep relationship with God. I really thought I understood where she was, cause I was in a similar place in my relationship with God, but maybe not. Now He's arrested my attention and reminded me that I'm nothing without Him, as if I didn't remind myself of that daily already. But I've also learned that preaching the gospel to yourself daily really helps.

Not just the "you're going to hell" part, that's hardly Good News. But more along the lines of "You've failed, but I still love you, I died for you while you were my enemy. Let me help you up and we can walk on together." Coming from the lips of Jesus, those are the sweetest words I've ever heard. Coming from a sinner like me though, they sound hollow, because I keep coming up with conditions for my love. That's not true love. It's gotten harder for me to forgive though... Jesus says we're supposed to forgive 70x7, but when your partner is repeatedly and continually acting stupid, when she KNOWS it's wrong... and when you aren't there to stop it, it gets tough to trust.

It's hard for me to love someone and want to spend the rest of my days with someone I can't trust... and honestly I guess I haven't done much on that end either. I feel like a failure every time I "talk" to her, and since we're not supposed to be communicating this summer (God's directive, not mine; I thought I saw wisdom in it, I keep screwing up.), I can only gather what she's thinking and doing through her blog posts. I figured she was on the right path, but then I got involved again. I hate me.

I guess I'll have to start writing out my thoughts on what a relationship should entail and what I'm looking for, cause she thinks that she needs to change who she is in order for me to love her. That is frankly stupid, and I'm sorry I've ever exuded that thought. I've told her that she shouldn't change for me, that she should change for herself, and she's got that part. I feel though that she isn't reading what I'm saying, she's reading into what I'm saying whatever she feels, which at the moment isn't too hot, but I don't know what to say when she's obviously convinced one way AND I've committed to not talk with her for a time. I really wish I could just get it over with, but where's the growth in that?

She does have good intentions, she is on the right path... I guess my pressure isn't a good thing. I was trying to guide her, but she feels like I'm forcing her. Not good for any relationship. I can't change her, and I've come to that realization. I thought I'd communicated it, but apparently not, and now it's messing with her. All I want is solid and firm commitment, but I can't accept words until I can see action... which I guess is a little shallow, but words right now mean so little to me, since promises have been broken on both ends, but I mentioned that before. Relationship requirement #1: No unwritten promises. My memory sucks, and when the hard times roll around, it's best to know what you've promised to. I don't remember half of mine, but I'm sure they're clear as day to her. I suck.

Stephe(confused and trying to be hopeful)

P.S. You wear the ring to remind you that there is a man for you that you should commit yourself to and not entertain the idea of another man in your life, for any reason other than public, casual friends. I don't hate you. Don't think about me. Think about just you and God. That's what this is for, that's why I've tried to step out of your life for this season... But unfortunately I keep toeing the line. I'm sorry. Keep on going. Listen to your friends, they're giving great advice.

Pizza drivers rock.

This just came to my inbox in the daily joke newsletter I get.

Where's the Road?

A friend and I were driving in the country looking for an address. We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road.

We drove to the police station, but they'd never heard of the road. Neither had the Fire Department. We went to City Hall, where a community get together was going on. We consulted a map, with no luck, until we happened to ask one young man who knew exactly where the road was. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there.

I said, "Thank you! Are you with the police or the Fire Department?"

"Neither. I deliver pizzas."

Oh, and to explain the magical week's worth of Spurgeon posts, I kinda cheated a little. Quite similar to Rachelskirts and her Blog365 catching up. Also, I apologize for the many many posts today. Maybe I'm making up for lost time? But I already did that... Ah well. If you're getting tired of Spurgeon... Hmm. I think I'll have to go back and label them all. I hope they've been helpful at least.

Stephen(posting daily, and sometimes magically)

Help, Lord.

Psalms 12:1:Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases to be, For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.

A simple prayer that we often neglect to put forth. Thought from Spurgeon this morning.
Rendered "Save" in the English Standard Version, "Help, Lord" is a prayer that we must continually voice. For we are weak, and insufficient. We have a savior, why don't we run to Him more often? Is it because it would make us seem weak? We are! Is it because it may seem foolish? The fool forsakes a free gift.

Hide and seek.

It doesn't really work that well with God. You hide, He seeks. Thing is, He's everywhere (omnimpresent) and sees everything (omniscient), so He always sees you.

Stuff Christians Like posted this morning about how he feels that God is "on the other side of the fence," When really, He's on both sides. Something to think about, and a good thing to realize.

All too often, I am a two-year old closing my eyes. I am a child misbehaving. I am a toddler that thinks that as soon as I mess up and my little world goes dark with sin and I feel that I can no longer see God, that He can no longer see me. The moment I make a decision that shuts Him out, He does the same to me. When I can't see Him, He can't see me.

This is simply and wonderfully not true. He also pulls from Job chapter 23, where Job is wondering where God might be, that he may argue with Him and lay his case before Him. Verses 8 and 9 are directly applicable,

⁸Behold, I go forward, but he is not there,
and backward, but I do not perceive him;
⁹on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him;
he turns to the right hand, but I do not see him.

Just because we cannot see God does not mean He loses sight of us, as Job so kindly makes clear in verse 10:

But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.

Awkward Mouse

I'm not so sure on the idea of pole-dancing... in act I'm pretty much against it. It seems merely a base act of senseless erotica... Something that should be reserved for the marriage bedroom, as should most sensuality. Apparently it pays decently, but it's still a questionable occupation in my mind, especially when you're training for a high-class career.

Eternal means Forever

John 10:28:I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
Christ shall never forsake his childrem!

The Christian should never think or speak lightly of unbelief. For a child of God to mistrust his love, his truth, his faithfulness, must be greatly displeasing to him. How can we ever grieve him by doubting his upholding grace? Christian! it is contrary to every promise of God's precious Word that thou shouldst ever be forgotten or left to perish.
...
Where were the truth of Christ's words-"I give unto my sheep eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." Where were the doctrines of grace? They would be all disproved if one child of God should perish.
...
Banish those unbelieving fears which so dishonour God. Arise, shake thyself from the dust, and put on thy beautiful garments.
...
Let the eternal life within thee express itself in confident rejoicing.
"The gospel bears my spirit up:
A faithful and unchanging God
Lays the foundation for my hope,
In oaths, and promises, and blood."

You are His, and He is yours, and He shall never depart from you, though you may turn your back on Him, He is still right there. Though you may not hear Him, He is still working in your favor for His glory.

Frugality is important.

Here's something from the Get Rich Slowly blog that fits right in with one of my recent posts from Spurgeon:

This one is just too good

Daniel 9:8:To us, O LORD, belongs open shame, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against you.

Ok, I just have to post it all (with added paragraph breaks). This one hammers home tha fact that we have sinned, and continue to sin, and our sin is great, but I've bolded the last two sentences, because they are the crux of the sinner's delight in Christ.

A deep sense and clear sight of sin, its heinousness, and the punishment which it deserves, should make us lie low before the throne. We have sinned as Christians. Alas! that it should be so. Favoured as we have been, we have yet been ungrateful: privileged beyond most, we have not brought forth fruit in proportion. Who is there, although he may long have been engaged in the Christian warfare, that will not blush when he looks back upon the past?

As for our days before we were regenerated, may they be forgiven and forgotten; but since then, though we have not sinned as before, yet we have sinned against light and against love-light which has really penetrated our minds, and love in which we have rejoiced. Oh, the atrocity of the sin of a pardoned soul! An unpardoned sinner sins cheaply compared with the sin of one of God's own elect ones, who has had communion with Christ and leaned his head upon Jesus' bosom.

Look at David! Many will talk of his sin, but I pray you look at his repentance, and hear his broken bones, as each one of them moans out its dolorous confession! Mark his tears, as they fall upon the ground, and the deep sighs with which he accompanies the softened music of his harp! We have erred: let us, therefore, seek the spirit of penitence.

Look, again, at Peter! We speak much of Peter's denying his Master. Remember, it is written, "He wept bitterly." Have we no denials of our Lord to be lamented with tears? Alas! these sins of ours, before and after conversion, would consign us to the place of inextinguishable fire if it were not for the sovereign mercy which has made us to differ, snatching us like brands from the burning.

My soul, bow down under a sense of thy natural sinfulness, and worship thy God. Admire the grace which saves thee-the mercy which spares thee-the love which pardons thee!

Delight in the Lord?

Psalms 37:4:Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Now if this verse hasn't been misconstrued and pondered on and been ever so confusing to me and I'm sure many others, but they are true, and Spurgeon has an excellent word on why.

The teaching of these words must seem very surprising to those who are strangers to vital godliness, but to the sincere believer it is only the inculcation of a recognized truth. The life of the believer is here described as a delight in God, and we are thus certified of the great fact that true religion overflows with happiness and joy. Ungodly persons and mere professors never look upon religion as a joyful thing; to them it is service, duty, or necessity, but never pleasure or delight.
...
They who love God with all their hearts, find that his ways are ways of pleasantness, and all his paths are peace. Such joys, such brimful delights, such overflowing blessednesses, do the saints discover in their Lord, that so far from serving him from custom, they would follow him though all the world cast out his name as evil.
...
"'Tis when we taste thy love,
Our joys divinely grow,
Unspeakable like those above,
And heaven begins below."

Basically, It all begins with God, and we've built up a religion around His teachings. His teachings are the true religion, that which, when followed, lead to a better life, a more humble one maybe, but He who is close to God needs nothing else. Certainly He may give us material things, but we must recognize that we are merely stewards on this earth serving the Creator and caring for His creation.

A twofer from Spurgeon

Proverbs 30:8: Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
    give me neither poverty nor riches;
    feed me with the food that is needful for me
Psalm 38:21: Do not forsake me, O LORD!
    O my God, be not far from me!

Here we have two great lessons-what to deprecate and what to supplicate. The happiest state of a Christian is the holiest state.
...
No Christian enjoys comfort when his eyes are fixed on vanity-he finds no satisfaction unless his soul is quickened in the ways of God. The world may win happiness elsewhere, but he cannot. I do not blame ungodly men for rushing to their pleasures. Why should I? Let them have their fill. That is all they have to enjoy.
...
Christians must seek their delights in a higher sphere than the insipid frivolities or sinful enjoyments of the world. Vain pursuits are dangerous to renewed souls. We have heard of a philosopher who, while he looked up to the stars, fell into a pit; but how deeply do they fall who look down. Their fall is fatal. No Christian is safe when his soul is slothful, and his God is far from him. Every Christian is always safe as to the great matter of his standing in Christ, but he is not safe as regards his experience in holiness, and communion with Jesus in this life.
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[Satan] may sometimes stand foot to foot with the child of God who is active in his Master's service, but the battle is generally short: he who slips as he goes down into the Valley of Humiliation, every time he takes a false step invites Apollyon to assail him. O for grace to walk humbly with our God!

I've noticed that Spurgeon likes to repeat himself repeat himself a lot. It helps get the point across, and it tends to make the highlights a little more difficult to pull out, since he is such an excellent writer. Fear not! I shall only be pulling from object lessons from Spurgeon from now on when I feel they're appropriate for daily living, which, it seems he's very good at doing as well. ;-)