Song Lyrics Soothe the Soul

Miserable Exaggeration
by John Reuben

Inconsistent my feelings change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I'm thinking
Inconsistent I don't have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it's left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I'd rather swallow my pride than spit it out

(Chorus)
What a miserable exaggeration
Happier said than done
What a wasted conversation
In my head everyone was listening
Everyone was interested

Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That's why I have to let my pride interfere
I'll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don't worry
That's just me dialogging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio's grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise

(Chorus)

It's that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I've been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It's as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It's best to just do what you feel in the end
But you'll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you're living in becomes bigger than you

(Chorus x2)

The last verse is what gets me... I've been getting better at committing to a thought process once I've thought about it for a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately the most important commitment in my life recently has been made too late, so I have to let go and let God deal with me and life... again and again.
Patience: I had it, but then I lost it for this... jealousy. Darn that stupid selfish nature.
Pray that I can let go, live my own life, and let God take care of the details.

-Gilligan (one day at a time)

Life is too complicated.

I want to give up, really I do. Not on life, but on the whole relationship thing... maybe. But I don't really... I want the love and the affection, just not the mistrust and the bickering and the fighting... I want to go back in time and fix my mistakes... but then that would just postpone them, right? I don't think so, if I went back with the knowledge I have now. 9th grade might be a good starting place. I'd do well in high school, get all A's, come to LeTourneau, get an honor's scholarship, keep a 4.0 GPA (or at least a 3.0), hang out with all my friends, try not to creep them out as I got to know them again... make better decisions with the relationships I make (Not lose any, but make them better than they are now), and be more assertive with what I want or don't want, or like or dislike, and such and such.
Life would be different if I had God-like powers, but I don't, and probably for good reason... somewhere.
God, teach me to be assertive. Lead me through the path to great leadership. Instruct me to rest in you... and get your Holy Spirit to get me to listen. :-/ Help me not to grab or take by force things that shouldn't be mine, and give me grace when I fail at doing the right thing. Give others grace to deal with me as well. I thank you for the grace you've given so far... it's been good.

Stephen *tripping*