Marriage quotes

I've been enthralled with the idea of marriage lately... and thought that a late night scouring of the internet might bring up some interesting quotes. Turns out I was right. Please comment with your thoughts, good or bad, on any of these.

• If you want to leave your mate simply because there is something about them you don't like, you're going to want to leave every mate you ever get, because there's bound to be something you don't like about each one.


• No matter how orderly a woman is by nature, it is a mistake for her to always be putting her husband in his place.


• The word "engagement" has two meanings: in war it's a battle, in courtship it's surrender.


• Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person!--It is a matter of being the right person!


• People wouldn't get divorced for such trivial reasons if they didn't get married for such trivial reasons.


• Marriage is a sexual relationship, or you could have simple stayed good friends.


• Marriage: Trust is the start of it, joy is a part of it & love is the heart of it.


• The Bible rules for marriage are still the ideal & work very well with God's help & your patience, if given half a chance.


• A woman needs her love expressed in loving care, even more than loving sex.


• 
  Except Thou build it, Father,
  The house is built in vain;
  Except Thou, Saviour, bless it,
  The joy will turn to pain;
  But none can break the marriage
  Of hearts in Thee made one,
  And the Love Thy Spirit hallows
  Is endless love begun.
  


• If your mate loves you and loves the Lord, then he or she also loves others and wants to help them.


• Ask God for His love for each other, or you'll never make it--as a marriage


• 
  Be to her virtues very kind,
  Be to her faults a little blind.
  


• Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
  --I Corinthians 7:2-4


• Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
  --Gary Busey


• The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.
  --Amy Grant


• Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
  --King Vidor


• In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.
  --H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver


• A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
  --Dave Meurer


• Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.
  --Euripedes Antigone


• Therefore the Christian heart, since it has been thoroughly persuaded that all things happen by God's plan, and that nothing takes place by chance, will ever look to him as the principal causes of things, yet will give attention to the secondary causes in their proper place.
  --John Calvin


• The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life.
  --James L. Christensen


• Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives.
  --Henri Nouwen from Some Quotable Christian Quotes


• Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
  Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
  Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
  --Corinthians: 13:4-8


• To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
  --The Book of Common Prayer: Solemnization of Matrimony


• Love without faith is as bad as faith without love.
  --Henry Ward Beecher


• My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
  --I John 3:18

"It is better to light the candle, than chase away the darkness"

Qualities of a good marriage

By Maria Fontaine

So much has been said and written about marriage—much of it rather complicated or seemingly contradictory—that I was curious as to what Jesus would have to say on the subject. He has such a wonderful way of explaining things simply, clearly, and positively that I was sure He could put things in perspective. So I asked Him to summarize some of the main qualities of a good marriage, and He did. Here's the message He gave:

Marriage wasn't meant to be so complicated or difficult that only a few could do it successfully. It's within the reach of nearly everyone. It's also what will make most people happiest and their lives most meaningful, productive, and satisfying, because it's a basic part of God's plan for mankind. No one excels in all of the following areas, of course, so don't be discouraged if you feel you fall short in some. Just do your best and ask Me to help you with the rest.

Putting Me first.

It's a spiritual law that when you put your time with Me first, both alone and with your husband or wife, everything else falls into place. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these [other] things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).

Unselfishness.

Selfishness is at the root of most marriage problems. For a marriage to work, both partners need to put the happiness of the other before their own. That's real love—the kind that lasts.
I want to see you succeed in marriage and as individuals, and I'm the Answer Man. I can make mountains of problems melt away.

Willingness to recognize and work on problems.

Most of the problems that sink marriages start small but grow out of hand because the couple fails to deal with the problems soon enough. Often they tell themselves that the problem will go away if they ignore it or when circumstances change, but that passive approach seldom works. Those with the strongest marriages are those who learn to face their problems head-on and take active steps to overcome them together.

Good communication.

In order to understand and meet each other's needs, as well as to unite to overcome problems, good communication is a must.

Forgiveness.

A readiness to forgive is a key to a solid, secure marriage. Be quick to apologize for any hurtful words or actions you may have directed at your wife or husband.

Being supportive.

To make your marriage all it can be, dwell on each other's good qualities and always look for ways to bring out the best in each other, rather than belittle, criticize, or nag.

Teamwork.

Discuss and agree on goals and priorities, and learn to tackle problems together. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Consideration.

Being considerate of each other's feelings, likes and dislikes, time, and energy not only says "I love you" in a most convincing and endearing way, but it also relieves stress, prevents friction, and keeps lots of little problems from ever happening.

Affection.

You'd be surprised at how many marriages fall short because of a lack of outward affection. Vocal expressions of your love for one another are also important, but sometimes touching, kissing, and hugging can convey love and reassurance even better. They are physical manifestations of inward feelings.

Equality.

Equality means involving each other in decisions, parenting your children together, and sharing financial and household responsibilities, but it goes deeper than that. It's not just a matter of scheduling or dividing the workload equally, but of valuing and respecting each other so each one's strengths can come to the fore.

Admiration.

Few things boost self-esteem or make people want to succeed in the truly important things of life more than hearing that their good qualities are noticed and admired. Sharpen your appreciation of the wonderful person you married, and watch him or her become even more wonderful.

Reaching out to others.

Even if you seem to be the most compatible couple in the world and feel completely satisfied and secure in each other's company, in order for your marriage to thrive, you both need other friends. Others can help you grow in ways that your husband or wife can't, so your marriage will actually be strengthened as you each spend time and do things with others.

A sense of humor.

"A merry heart does good, like medicine" (Proverbs 17:22). Lighten up a little and you'll find that most of the everyday inconveniences, annoyances, and problems you face aren't so bad after all.

Optimism.

Optimism—the tendency to believe and expect the best—linked to faith in Me nearly always pays off big, because I love to reward faith. Conversely, few things can drag down a marriage faster than pessimism—expecting the worst and complaining about the downside of situations.

Including Me.

I want to see you succeed in marriage and as individuals, and I'm the Answer Man. I can make mountains of problems melt away, and I can make your dreams come true, but there's one condition: Include Me. You'll be amazed at what the three of us can accomplish together!

A word of Love for you.

The beginning of the end?

Plans never work out the way you intend them to.
This I have learned. Or at least learned to live with the fact.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
It's important to know, to trust in the One who does know where you're headed, or rather where He wants to guide you and how He wants to shape you. Too often I try to forge my own path to satisfy my desires. It seems to be a recurring theme here on this blog. Let me tell you the most recent ways it relates.

The Army vs. diabetes thing is not looking too good right now. I think it's still a matter of eating right and exercising, but I haven't exercised for the past three weeks at least, and have indulged in sweets and desserts way too much before coming back to school. Then, once I get here, all the food is starchy (as in potatoes and breads and pasta and stuffs, not pressed shirts. :-p) and thus loaded with carbs, which is what I need to be avoiding. So, I've checked my sugar a few times since arriving in Texas, and it's been lower each time, but all three were above my "acceptable" threshold, which has me a little concerned. However, I think that once I start running again and continuing to avoid breads and desserts for the most part (60 carbs is not much of a meal when you've got a heaping plate of pizza and pasta in front of you), I'll be back on the road to enlistment. Then comes a lab test in September or October, and that will most likely determine if I decide to pursue them any further.

Ok, enough of the Army. On to another area/era that's coming to a close in my life is my undergrad status. I hesitate to say my college life, because I'd love to stay in school, if it weren't for the school. Getting married is a very appealing option, but not for me at the moment. Maybe if no Army, definitely after Army. Army Army Army. Where was I again? Oh right, College. So this is the first day of classes for the last semester of my current college career. I graduate in December, and then it's world wide open. Oh boy.

Presently, I'm working at a local gym/recreational outreach center called, unsurprizingly, The ROC. I was hoping to work 16 hours a week in the evenings working on homework, but it looks like that's gonna get cut in half because there's another guy who was here before me that wants to work as well. Drats. So, not making as much as I wanted, but at least I have a guaranteed 8 hours each week. Also trying to get into the Network side of Network Services, but my roommate helped out over the summer and thus has higher priority now. Another closing door.

It's time to start looking at other options. I need to send out feelers all over to see if there's anyone (other than the Army) willing to hire me, and at a wage that will pay rent and other bills. Unless I live at home and get a government job, I'll need to find an apartment. I could live with a friend, but that may not be optimal. We shall see what develops, but I'd really rather not live at home, if only because that would require hauling ALL my stuff ALL the way back to Maryland, and I'm pretty sure it won't all fit in our van and my car. (YAY CAR!)

Not sure what else to put down, so I guess I'll sign off now. If you'd rather hear about something other than the Army or college or relationship whining, please tell me so. Then again, if that's the case, you probably stopped reading my blog long ago. :-p

Adios!
-Gilligan

Military Progress: Part Deux

So it appears that there may be more complications than I'd originally expected. Turns out my pee is too sweet, or in less crude terms, my initial urinalysis resulted in an abnormally high glucose count. This has resulted in me being sent to various doctors and getting multiple lab works done to make sure I'm not actually diabetic. It's looking like I'm probably pre-diabetic, but that should be remedied by better diet and more exercise. Ugh. But that is necessary anyway if I'm to be a healthy recruit. I've been given a blood-tester-thing to check my sugar every once in a while and have been using it fairly regularly. At least once a day or so. A good healthy reading should be below 100, or below 140 two hours after a meal. My total average has been between 95-105, but I've only gotten about 9 tests in, so we'll see what the latest lab test says. Also, I haven't always waited the full two hours, and have snuck some sweets in here and there, but I have been running almost every other day now.

All that to say, that if I am determined to be officially diabetic (Type II if so), I won't be able to pursue the Army and all of its benefits any longer. BUT if I'm only pre-diabetic (more likely), I'll be able to go ahead with those plans. This has become the only blocking factor for my Army thoughts, and if God doesn't want me in the Army He'll let me know. Of course, I think it's best to be healthy no matter what, both physically and spiritually, so I think I'll go read some Romans again, and do some homework.

Ta ta for now!
!! >> Gilligan

Military Investigation

No, they aren't investigating me, I'm looking into them. My oldest cousin Dave has decided he's going to join the Marines, which is awesome, and I'm happy for and proud of him. He invited me to a pool function (code for recruitee meet, where they run physical tests and give a little bit of instruction, punctuated by fun and games some weekends), and that got me thinking about joining once I've graduated from college. (I've got one semester left, no reason to quit now!) However, I'm interested in a girl, so that's a factor, but I've found out that being married in the military isn't so bad, and she's probably not too interested in me anyways. But even if I have to wait four more years for that chapter to unfold, God's looking out for me no matter what.

I figure being in the military would be a good experience for me, and would give me many benefits, including more self-discipline, self-respect, leadership and authority, as well as giving me a guaranteed job and practice of skills that I've been learning in school to do. (They do have IT in the military, believe it or not!) Well, the Marines will give me all of that, and they are quick to remind me of the "intangibles" that all Marines get, including teamwork, punctuality, leadership skills, and many more that I can't remember right now. But! The army is offering something that's a bit more attractive to me at this point in life: Elimination of debt.

I currently "own" a car and am making payments on that, and I have a cell phone that I pay to use every month, but that's pretty much it. Once I get out of college though, I'll need to pay off my loans, buy and furnish a house, (get married, maybe), and other large expenses that shock many fresh-out-of-college folks. With the Army, they will pay back up to $65,000 of my college loans, and depending on what MOS (Military Occupation Specialty) I choose, there is a small possibility I may get up to $40,000 in sign-up bonuses. (highly unlikely I'll get even $20,000, but it's something to keep in mind) The most important thing though, is the flexibility I have in choosing my MOS. When I sign up, I get to order the available jobs they have in preference, and they have the perfect job for me, an Information Technology Specialist (MOS 25B. Check out this Youtube video.) Now, if I choose to be an Officer, one of my top three has to be combat-related, but that's not too big of a deal for me.

I could also become a Data Communications Specialist in the Marines, but that's about the only job that's close enough to what I want, and since they are a smaller branch, it's less likely I'll be able to get it, and more likely I'll be thrust into the fit of battle. The Army's selection process is performance based, based on how well you do in Basic Training, and in either force I don't find out what MOS I'll get till the end, but if I do well in the Army, I get closer to first pick, as opposed to the Marines, who would pick it for me. Of course, my life is forfeit to whichever branch I'd choose, so choice is limited anyways. There are also Intelligence options, which would be cool and require me to get clearances even above Secret, some even Top Secret clearance.

Also, the Army's website is much more informative than the Marine's, which isn't a total killer, except I have to go to other sources to find out specifics on what's available and the processes behind the Marines. I suppose that's to help keep up the high, mysterious, and honored image that the Marines have, not that they need the website for that. I know that the Marines are tougher, and more unified, so I may consider them again, but after the Army. Which is another thing. The minimum required active duty in the Army is 3 years (again, depending on the MOS), and after that I can move to Inactive Reserves, get an approval to get out of the Army's Individual Ready Reserve (IRR), and enlist in the Marines. I may want to become a Commissioned Officer though, which would extend my stay in whichever branch, but they get paid at least half-again what I'd be making as an enlisted man, until I got into the Non-Commissioned Officer ranks. Anywho, it's a lot of information to take in, and not all of it is relevant to y'all, but I figured I'd be fairly thorough.

In the end, I'm leaning more towards the Army, mainly because of the possibilities, but also because of the financial benefits that the Marines don't offer. After that, I may look towards the Marines, but who knows, they might try and shove my time as "Ain't Ready (to be a) Marine Yet" down my throat, which would not be the most pleasant experience. I'll probably just become a civilian again. (IF I choose to go into the military in the first place! ;-p)

Summer plans?

This post idea stolen from Rachelskirts and gRegorLove:

Most of these ideas aren't original, but they're still fun, and I won't get to all of them this summer, but they're still nice goals. What are yours?

• Fly a kite.


• Make s'mores.


• Go to a water park.


• Eat corn on the cob.


• Finish 4 Certification exams.


• Watch movies at the drive-in.


• Read a book from the library every month.


• Finish cleaning/re-arranging my desk/room.


• Eat a funnel cake made at home with my brother.


• Finish reading all the books I've started over the years.


• Spend an evening looking at stars through the telescope with my sister.


• Scan in all mom's picture albums and organize them in a Flickr account for posterity.


• Read some other good books (recommendations welcome).


• Work up to 75 crunches in 2 minutes, and 20 pullups.


• Challenge my little brother to a game of HORSE.


• Finish reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy.


• Eat at at least two barbecues.


• Run 3 miles every other day.


• Take French lessons.


• Blog more regularly.


• Dance in the rain.


• Catch fireflies.


• ???


• PROFIT!

Long Distance? Don't.

Every body says the same thing. . . and everybody is wrong. There are only a FEW exceptions that I know of. I can only think of one off the top of my head, and they were excellent, upstanding, Christian people as far as I know. I think I may even try and get some man-school lessons from the Boy this coming semester.


However, this does bring up a good point. As long as there is consistent, good, honest, open communication between the parties, there is a chance the "Long distance thing" will work.

Irony. At it's best.

Oddly enough, as I'm reading this comic, I'm sitting on a couch, READING A WEB-COMIC when I should be sleeping or studying/working. Hm.

*Taken without permission, linked for blah blah...zzzzzzzzz*

ADDicted

And this one just made me think. And go to bed. It's freaking 2 in the morning!




*Courtesy: Piled Higher & Deeper. Taken without permission, but linked for attribution*

Proper posture

This comic strip immediately made me sit up straight.



*Courtesy: Piled Higher & Deeper. Taken without permission, but linked for attribution*

Life and choices

Well, this summer has been a bit of a disappointment lately, as there aren't that many jobs on the horizon (read: 0) and I'm behind in my online course material. So today I will be stopping by Denny's and a local Temp Agency or two. Maybe I can find some work somewhere. Dad's got a website he wants put together, so I may be able to gain some income from that. I need money more than ever this summer because my parents got me that new car I mentioned, but with the stipulation that if I can't pay for insurance through the school year, I won't be taking it out with me. Plus, I need to pay back the back-debt that Dad has kept for me with my insurance and cell phone bills. And while I don't need that car, it'd be very excellent for getting an off-campus job that I have a chance at next semester.

Also, there are friends going through some tough times, some making good decisions, others not so much, but mostly there's a bunch of confusion and waiting. So I'm praying for them, that things will work out for the best, and that I don't get in the way of anything important, as I tend to do it seems.

In other news, I'm getting dangerously close to the real world, as I'll be graduating in December. I need to brush up my networking skills and find some place that's willing to take a fresh CIS grad for a few years or more. I may even be able to do some consulting on the side, but first I need to grab some certifications, which are mad expensive, but worth it I'm sure.

And now for the predictable song lyrics, this time from Carrie Underwood and her song "Lessons Learned". Enjoy:

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some better endings
Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all all over again
But it don't really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger
Oh, some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were
Lessons learned

. . .

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should've taken
Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don't make no difference
The past can't be rewritten
You get the life you're given
Oh, Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were
Lessons learned

. . .

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

Major events summary - Spring '09

SO. There's a lot going on, and I'm not quite sure what's gonna happen this summer. Here's a brief recap:

I've gotten through another semester of school, though I'm not really sure that I got C's or better in all my classes. I've got a B for sure in at least two of my classes, but currently carrying a D in two others before the final, and no idea about the fifth. Won't find about those until tomorrow, so here's hoping.

I've got two summer courses, Intertestamental Period and Romans, so we'll see how those go. I'm interested in the information presented, and they are online so it might be a bit easier, but I don't know how the quizzes will be.

I still need to find a job for the summer, and the options range from driving cars back and forth to dealerships for my dad to working at the IT department of a local hospital, to being a fitness guy at the new YMCA by my house. I may even look around for waitering jobs if nothing else comes through.

Also, and this is really exciting... I HAVE A NEW CAR! My parents bought me a 2001 Corolla LE. It's silver/grey/"Mica" So we'll be driving that out as well as the van when I go back to school in the Fall.

Speaking of school, I need to not get any D's (unlikely), or else I'm on my own for college next semester, as per my agreement with Dad. I'm already set up with responsibilities and maybe even a job next semester at LETU, so I'll be alright as long as I find enough work to pay for most of it, like my roommate did. (Un)fortunately that means I'll have to step up the responsibility a bit more, but I only need 13 more credits, so keeping up with the schoolwork shouldn't be too bad. I've finally got a schedule that will allow me to work non-stop during the day, have half an hour for breakfast, and hour for lunch, and a 2-hour dinner, then studying afterwards. I finally also realized that I CAN break up big assignments into 20 or 30 minute chunks, and NOT have to have a certain thing done before I can move on to the next assignment. That's what's killed me before. Big assignment = "ACK! What do I do? It's too big for right now, so I guess I'll put it off till later when I have more time... oh wait. It's due tomorrow! OK, late night it is!"

So, yeah... the summer is moving on... and now I'm off to the Y to ask about that job.

Boring? Bah Psh.

So, back when I said it was boring in Chicago, I lied. Boring is not sitting in a room with three friends chatting about randomness... Boring is sitting in a room alone staring at a homework assignment that is large and due in the next few weeks.

Boring is not watching a movie with three friends and making funny jokes at every cliché and faux-pas and random silly stuff that happens. Boring is sitting in the cafeteria alone in a booth because you got there earlier than all your friends and no one has picked out a regular table yet.

Boring is not gallivanting around Chicago and going long distances the wrong way on a bus before an hour train ride late at night after an all-nighter playing Mario Kart with three friends... No.

Chicago was not boring. Boring only happens when I'm just tired enough to not care, but not so tired that the smallest thing is funny. Also, when I'm too lazy to go find some friends to hang out and do anything with.

Boring is not a necessary requirement for life, nor does it need be a natural state that things fall into.

Live un-boring lives!

Sure, the moments will come when you don't feel like doing anything, and go ahead and rest every once in a while, but as long as you have friends around, that's easy to remedy. Even when you're alone, anything can be made a game or an adventure.

Who knows what we can accomplish... in the boring moments of life?

Life in Chicago

A bit more boring than I'd expected... But hey, it's pretty good anyways, and I'm enjoying my break because of it. :-)

I should definitely be doing some homework, but instead I'm catching up on blogs and chatting with friends, and blogging. Life's not so bad.

Not really too much else to report in the land of Gilligan... relationships are all going decently, and school... well I'm still behind, but that should be fixed by the end of today, or this week at least.

Watched Office Space last night for the first time. It was pretty funny, but not as gut-bustingly hilarious as I thought it would be. Still a good movie about the horrors of cubicle life. A bit like Dilbert, but definitely not a direct copy whatsoever. Other movies watched this week include: The Great Mouse Detective, Terminator, Casino Royale, and Doug's First Movie. All decent flicks, except for the last, which made me want to watch some episodes of Doug to get the new voice of Doug out of my head... The movie was done by Disney, who used a different voice actor than they had when the show was on Nickelodeon. I want my 90's television back dangit!

Freeverse prayer

This is personal.

She's not mine, Lord. She is Yours.
She was never mine, and how I've been the fool.
Thinking I could own things, thinking I knew.
Grasping on to hope apart from you.
I tried to hold on to that from which I wanted love,
Planning things out without thinking from above.
Thinking I deserved her, thinking she deserved me.
What could I do? What could I say?
Humans are fragile, humans are frail.
We are precious, and only you can tell
What we really need, who we really are.
Without you behind me I am empty, lost beyond words.
Only with you can I be the man I should be.
The man I need to be. Not just for her, but for me.
Not just for me, but for You. Because you love me.
Help me love you, Lord, as only you can.
Grow me from this misery,
Push me through this pain.
Kill this jealousy, grow your kindness.
Make me a better person through it all.
I pray not only for myself, but for her as well.
I thank you for the kind heart you have given her.
I pray that I may not have wounded it more than You can heal.
I know that You can.
Take me at my word, for I am worth not much more.
Speak your words of Life, Hope, Courage and Strength.
Humility, Power, Meekness and Wisdom.
I need You. I need Your love.
I need Your comfort. I need Your guidance.
More than anything else, I need You.

Statistically significant

HAHAHAHA!!! This is my exact method for determining whether or not someone is "together", whether or not it's official. :-p (Ok, maybe not totally exactly, but it's the whole "Normal friends don't spend that much time with each other." bit. ;-) Of course, if one doesn't get out much anyways, it can throw off your numbers. Oh well.)

Song Lyrics Soothe the Soul

Miserable Exaggeration
by John Reuben

Inconsistent my feelings change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I'm thinking
Inconsistent I don't have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it's left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I'd rather swallow my pride than spit it out

(Chorus)
What a miserable exaggeration
Happier said than done
What a wasted conversation
In my head everyone was listening
Everyone was interested

Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That's why I have to let my pride interfere
I'll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don't worry
That's just me dialogging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio's grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise

(Chorus)

It's that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I've been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It's as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It's best to just do what you feel in the end
But you'll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you're living in becomes bigger than you

(Chorus x2)

The last verse is what gets me... I've been getting better at committing to a thought process once I've thought about it for a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately the most important commitment in my life recently has been made too late, so I have to let go and let God deal with me and life... again and again.
Patience: I had it, but then I lost it for this... jealousy. Darn that stupid selfish nature.
Pray that I can let go, live my own life, and let God take care of the details.

-Gilligan (one day at a time)

Life is too complicated.

I want to give up, really I do. Not on life, but on the whole relationship thing... maybe. But I don't really... I want the love and the affection, just not the mistrust and the bickering and the fighting... I want to go back in time and fix my mistakes... but then that would just postpone them, right? I don't think so, if I went back with the knowledge I have now. 9th grade might be a good starting place. I'd do well in high school, get all A's, come to LeTourneau, get an honor's scholarship, keep a 4.0 GPA (or at least a 3.0), hang out with all my friends, try not to creep them out as I got to know them again... make better decisions with the relationships I make (Not lose any, but make them better than they are now), and be more assertive with what I want or don't want, or like or dislike, and such and such.
Life would be different if I had God-like powers, but I don't, and probably for good reason... somewhere.
God, teach me to be assertive. Lead me through the path to great leadership. Instruct me to rest in you... and get your Holy Spirit to get me to listen. :-/ Help me not to grab or take by force things that shouldn't be mine, and give me grace when I fail at doing the right thing. Give others grace to deal with me as well. I thank you for the grace you've given so far... it's been good.

Stephen *tripping*