Timing...

Here's a little logic for you. See if you can follow.

Timing is everything.
God is perfect.
God's timing is perfect.

OK, it's not pure logic, there's a bit of a disconnect, but my point is: God's Perfect timing beats anything we may think. Something that made me think, and realize how well God orchestrates things in my life is a recent string of occurrences these past few days that really hit me hard. I'm not sure how to deal with them. First, Fallfest (homecoming) was this weekend, and I was a bit rude to my date, just caring more about myself than her, because she was more in tune with God and on fire for Him... I was embarrased and ashamed at how my life paled in comparison.
Then I mentioned it to an online friend I've grown to trust pretty well, and that friend pointed out my mediocrity, apathy, and complacency. This bothered me. Her strong language really shook me up and made me realize the sin of my situation. I was depending on myself and others for fulfillment, and I did not care for God's plan for me, just what was pleasing to me at the moment. Another way to summarize it would be that I was living for myself, and did things for others if I thought it would be good for me, and if I didn't deem it as beneficiary to myself, then I would do it half-heartedly or not at all (homework being one example). She brought up the story of Cain and Abel, and said that mediocrity was a sin. Then she told me to think about it some more, and I decided to write an email giving more detail.
After reading this, she pointed out my rudeness, and told me straight out that I needed to seriously adjust myself and my thinking. I've not been focused on God these past weeks, months, semester... In fact, I haven't pursued God actively for a long time, except for when I've needed something, like a good grade when I hadn't studied, or for good weather on a trip, or for food, and I haven't been doing that recently either. (no relation to my losing my ID card... another story completely) I have a history of “giving” my life to Christ, then taking it back after a while, because it's what I'm used to. I guess it would be more like showing my life to God, saying “Hey God, my life stinks right now, can you do something about it?” and then when things get better, with or without God's intervention, I say, “OK, that was nice. I'll have this back now, thanks”
Anyway, that conversation really got me thinking, “Why am I who I am? Why do I do what I do and think what I think?” Which is why I'm glad that our Biblical Foundations class is going over woldviews and hopefull going to get into how we form our own and how we should check the validity of our worldview. It's been a really interesting chain of events, I just hope I don't forget about it and revert back to my apathetic life of complacency.