Yeah... about that.

Creepy is bad. Apparently I'm creepy. That's bad. Especially because I don't try to be, I'm just friendly... I guess being friendly is bad somehow? Or maybe it's the fact that trying to get to know someone when half the campus' male population is attempting the same thing doesn't usually bode well for anyone. Oh well. It's almost enough to make someone go emo and introverted... Luckily I'm not like that, I don't think. :-P Oh whatever, who cares? I've still got friends, and I've got good friends too, those that will tell me I'm being creepy are the ones that you shouldn't lose. So life is good, God is great, and I'm enjoying being here, except for the predator mentality most guys here have. So let's see... I think I'll simply hang out and wait for things to settle down. That would be good. lol, I'd better hang on, cause the world ain't moving any slower! :-D Have a good night everyone!

I'd like a date, but I might be too late. As usual.

You see, there's this little thing called Fall Fest we have here at LeTourneau. It's been described as a homecoming for a school with no football team and that deosn't believe in dancing, and most people dismiss it as a sad attempt at a social event for nerds. To that I say, "So what? It's still fun!"

Fall fest is several things, culminating in each floor's elected "monarch" (guy floors choose a queen, girl floors choose a king) competing for and being nominated "King and Queen of Fall Fest." That may not be an accurate description, but if you had homecoming, it's the same thing, with individual floors competing for their monarch, rather than the student body electing a single pair.

Anyways, the point of all this introduction leads up to the Fall Fest Banquet, at which all the monarchs and various members of the floors (whoever wants to go) all go to a nice country club where there is nice food, music, and presentations, and where the king and queen are nominated.

This is all fine and dandy, except, like most things, it's nice if you have a date. I have someone in mind that I'd really like to go with, but since I'm me and that means I'm a little slow on the uptake, I just might be too late. Oh well, at least it leaves me at status quo: Always the second, never the first. Maybe I'll ask anyways, and if I'm really sweet about it, she'll think about it. Who knows? Only God. And her of course, once I ask... If I ask.

haha! Change is good.

Well it seems like Google is updating things around here, and Blogger is one of those things. Apparently, earlier I couldn't sign in because of some rearranging due to the roll out of the new Beta version. Luckily, that has been fixed, and I might... just might migrate to the beta before they force it upon me. In the meantime, however, I'll just stay content with my little old blogger account, and keep posting away like always. As sporadically as I do blog, I don't think it'll be a problem. :-) Cheers! And happy living to all!

Life... It's worth living.

    You know those days when you feel like stopping everything just to get a break from it all? When you'd rather stay in bed all day long than deal with what lies ahead? Yeah, I've had those days too. However, something to keep in mind is that life keeps moving, whether you do or not, so why not make the best of it? So what if you make a few mistakes? As long as you learn from them, you don't need to be perfect. With God's help, you'll be moving towards perfection a little more everyday. So get up, take a look around you and thank God for the day, because you don't deserve it. Thank Him for your bed, because you don't deserve it. Thank Him for the food you eat, because believe it or not, you don't deserve that either. Thank Him for your friends, your family, and most especially, for Him!

¹⁷For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. [John 3:17-18]

So if you know God as your living Savior, rejoice! For we are no longer condemned, but we are to live life and live it abundantly [John 10:10b]!
In closing, I leave you with several stacatto sentences.

Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!

-Ms. Frizzle

Live well, laugh often, love much.

-paraphrased from Robert Louis Stevenson

Go out there, and have fun!

-Me

Why are we at war, daddy?

So it's been a while since my last post, and things are weird as always. However, on a different note, I thought I'd post something a little deeper than random ramblings. I found this from a friend, who got it from one of his friends, and I thought it was so cool I had to pass it on. Here it goes...


The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war.. My
husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend our Country again today. I knew that my husband would give him a good explanation. My husband thought for a few minutes and then told my son to go stand in our front living room window. He said "Son, stand there and tell me what you see?"

"I see trees and cars and our neighbor's houses." He replied.

"OK, now I want you to pretend that our house and our yard is the United States of America and you are President Bush."

Our son giggled and said "OK."

"Now son, I want you to look out the window and pretend that every house and yard on this block is a different country," my husband said.

"OK Dad, I'm pretending."

"Now I want you to stand there and look out the window and pretend you see
Saddam Hussein come out of his house with his wife, he has her by the hair and is
hitting her. You see her bleeding and crying. He hits her in the face, he throws her on the ground, then he starts to kick her to death. Their children run out and are afraid to stop him, they are screaming and crying, they are watching this but do nothing because they are kids and they are afraid of their father. You see all of this, son....what do you do?"

"Dad?"

"What do you do, son?"

"I'd call the police, Dad."

"OK. Pretend that the police are the United Nations. They take your call. They listen to what you know and saw but they refuse to help. What do you do then son?"

"Dad... but the police are supposed to help!" My son starts to whine.

"They don't want to son, because they say that it is not their place or your place to get involved and that you should stay out of it," my husband says.

"But Dad...he killed her!!" my son exclaims.

"I know he did...but the police tell you to stay out of it. Now I want you to look out that window and pretend you see our neighbor who you're pretending is Saddam turn around and do the same thing to his children."

"Daddy...he kills them?"

"Yes son, he does. What do you do?"

"Well, if the police don't want to help, I will go and ask my next door neighbor to help me stop him." our son says.

"Son, our next door neighbor sees what is happening and refuses to get involved as well. He refuses to open the door and help you stop him," my husband says.

"But Dad, I NEED help!!! I can't stop him by myself!!"

"WHAT DO YOU DO SON?" Our son starts to cry.

"OK, no one wants to help you, the man across the street saw you ask for help and saw that no one would help you stop him. He stands taller and puffs out his chest. Guess what he does next son?"

"What Daddy?"

"He walks across the street to the old ladies house and breaks down her door and drags her out, steals all her stuff and sets her house on fire and then...he kills her. He turns around and sees you standing in the window and laughs at you. WHAT DO YOU DO?"

"Daddy..."

"WHAT DO YOU DO?"

Our son is crying and he looks down and he whispers, "I'd close the blinds, Daddy."

My husband looks at our son with tears in his eyes and asks him. "Why?" "Because Daddy...the police are supposed to help people who needs them, and they won't help. You always say that neighbors are supposed to HELP neighbors, but they won't help either. They won't help me stop him. I'm afraid....I can't do it by myself, Daddy. I can't look out my window and just watch him do all these terrible things and...and...do nothing. So...I'm just going to close the blinds....so I can't see what he's doing...and I'm going to pretend that it is not happening."

I start to cry. My husband looks at our nine year old son standing in the window, looking pitiful and ashamed at his answers to my husband's questions and he says...

"Son."

"Yes, Daddy."

"Open the blinds because that man...he's at your front door! "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

My son looks at his father, anger and defiance in his eyes. He balls up his tiny fists and looks his father squarely in the eyes, without hesitation he says: "I DEFEND MY FAMILY DAD!! I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HURT MOMMY OR MY SISTER, DAD!!! I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM, DAD, I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM!!!!!"

I see a tear roll down my husband's cheek and he grabs our son to his chest and hugs him tight, and says... "It's too late to fight him, he's too strong and he's already at YOUR front door, son. You should have stopped him BEFORE he killed his wife, and his children, and the old lady across the way. You have to do what's right, even if you have to do it alone, before its too late," my husband whispers. THAT scenario I just gave you is WHY we are at war with Iraq. When good men stand by and let evil happen, son, THAT is when the greatest atrocities in the world will affect him. "YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT! EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!" BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN! BE PROUD OF OUR TROOPS!! SUPPORT THEM!!! SUPPORT AMERICA SO THAT IN THE FUTURE OUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER HAVE TO CLOSE THEIR BLINDS!"

Closure is good.

It's a time of change, and of rearranging, reorganizing, reprioritizing. I finally am happy with my current state of singleness, and I'm ready to deal with whatever happens, as it happens. My relationships with people are good, and I'm feeling quite happy for myself and everybody. Most likely, I'll be hanging out and having a blast with the guys and girls of Davis, and others I've met and made friends with here at school.
Girls are confusing, but that doesn't have to stop me from living my own life. I've decided that the key to living well is self-confidence, and that is dependent on the value of life Christ placed on us on the Cross. I think a recent conversation between a friend and I exemplifies this. (Names abbreviated to protect the innocent... My side of the conversation is in blue)

(12:08:24 PM) BC: I dont think I will ever understand women
(12:08:58 PM) SB: why do you say that?
(12:09:05 PM) BC: I dont know
(12:09:10 PM) BC: its just popped into my mind
(12:09:14 PM) SB: ah
(12:09:26 PM) SB: well, I think it's the plight of man
(12:15:06 PM) SB: I don't think we'll ever be able to think on the same wavelength as them, but I do think that we get better at reading them as we get older and grow closer to them.
(12:15:18 PM) BC: Thats the problem
(12:15:25 PM) BC: how do you grow closer to them?
(12:16:35 PM) SB: same way you grow closer to anyone. Develop a relationship by hanging out and talking a lot, and as you discuss things, you begin to see how she(they) view the world.
(12:16:58 PM) BC: It just seems different with women
(12:17:13 PM) SB: What is different?
(12:17:26 PM) BC: What Im allowed to say and what Im not
(12:17:28 PM) SB: ah
(12:17:38 PM) SB: that's part of the learning process
(12:17:55 PM) SB: I'm still struggling through it myself, of course
(12:18:09 PM) BC: of course
(12:18:31 PM) SB: But I figure if I keep my mouth shut, and think before I speak, I'm much better off
(12:18:40 PM) BC: But then I say nothing
(12:19:00 PM) SB: so?
(12:19:11 PM) BC: How can I hang out and talk it I say nothing?
(12:19:52 PM) SB: well you have to take some chances, but I would think someone like me or you would be able to keep someone's attention and just have fun
(12:20:31 PM) SB: and if you step over "the line", you'll know it, and then you can remember to be more careful something like that comes to mind
(12:20:44 PM) BC: Ok, here's where Im coming form
(12:21:09 PM) BC: At my old school, you say something wrong to a woman that your trying to become friends with, and soon all the women are mad at you, even if you dont know what you said
(12:21:32 PM) SB: ah, this is true. the community mind of girls
(12:21:43 PM) BC: then it always feel akward around the woman you said something to, and everything that has been built up disolves a bit, which makes it even harder to go back
(12:22:01 PM) SB: the key to that is self confidence
(12:22:22 PM) BC: I guess its no coincidence that my other friend said the same thing
(12:22:32 PM) SB: really?
(12:22:35 PM) BC: yeah
(12:23:21 PM) SB: I feel that if you just move past it, or ask what you said wrong, then you can apologize and move on. Unfortunately, women have a much better memory than we do.
(12:23:48 PM) BC: I dont see how they can have a better memory about how I screwed up than me
(12:24:48 PM) SB: believe me, the things that are offensive to them are more than what we consider offensive, so if their memory isn't better, it's just more specific
(12:26:14 PM) BC: ah, specific
(12:26:16 PM) BC: that sucks
(12:26:39 PM) SB: it does, until you begin to analyze what you say, like I was saying before
(12:27:12 PM) SB: and the things that offend vary by the girl, which makes it even more difficult
(12:28:43 PM)SB: but when you spend time with a few girls, you can see general trends of taboo topics and remarks, especially noting their reactions to other boys
(12:29:28 PM) BC: I'll keep my eyes open
(12:29:47 PM) SB: that's the best way
(12:29:57 PM) SB: eyes and ears open, mouth wide shut
(12:30:08 PM) SB: :-)
(12:30:10 PM) BC: sounds good to me
(12:30:38 PM) SB: of course, this could lead to "nice guy syndrome", which many men dislike
(12:31:29 PM) SB: I'm looking for a balance of boldness and wisdom, and I'm still leaning toward the quiet, reserved side
(12:34:02 PM) BC: My quiet reserved side tends to get me ignored, not even the nice guy syndeomre
(12:34:12 PM) SB: exactly
(12:34:35 PM) SB: enter: self confidence

Quotes

Well, I've been dumbstruck yet again by the Complex Infrastructure Known as the Female Mind... or in this case, heart. So I think I'll just let others who have already spoken do the talking for me. Note: I'm not usually emo, I'm just leaning that direction for now.

I've learned
Author unknown

• I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be some that can be loved. The rest is up to them.
  
• I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
  
• I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
  
• I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
  
• I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
  
• I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.
  
• I've learned that you can do some thing in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
  
• I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
  
• I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
  
• I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
  
• I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
  
• I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done regardless of the consequences.
  
• I've learned that money is a lousy way to keep score.
  
• I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
  
• I've learned that the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to pick you back up.
  
• I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
  
• I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
  
• I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
  
• I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
  
• I've learned that no matter good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
  
• I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
  
• I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
  
• I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
  

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' -- Erich Fromm
(oops, looks like I'm still in the immature love phase.)

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-=- Neil Gaiman

“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”
Doug Horton

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."
-- Kahlil Gibran

“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable." Dr. Joyce Brothers
(I'm working on this. It's not going so well.)

"When love hurts you, dare to love again." Steve Maraboli, from Dare To Be

and finally...
My quote for life:

"Live well, Learn plenty, Laugh often, Love much." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love it! Poetry is sweet!

Here are two poems I found that seem to mesh nearly perfectly with my feelings right now. These two poems combined express what I'm feeling inside, and even though they might seem to conflict, the main theme is the same, can you tell what it is? I did change the second one's last line to something more hopeful, because I'm just optimistic like that. Now I'm wondering if I should read these to her, or have her read them, or avoid mentioning them altogether... It's pretty confusing right now.

The Friendship Page: Friendship Poetry - Love

My One True Love

Throughout my short existence,
I've found but one true love,
Someone who fits me perfectly,
Just like a rubber glove.

This person is someone I trust,
Someone who's always there,
Someone who I can turn to,
Through darkness and despair.

I've known since I first met her,
I love her oh so much,
I long for her to love me,
And to feel her gentle touch.

She says that she still loves me,
Yet just wants to be my friend,
But I know that I'll still love her,
Until the very end.

I wish that I could have her,
As my very own,
But I guess I had my chance,
And I guess that chance was blown.

This girl I love so very much,
Means more to me than ever,
And I hope deep down inside,
That one day we'll be together.


The Death of Me

Everything you could have been
Everything you'll be.
Everything you dream about
And everything you see.
All the times you feel so much
And times you let them go.
Times you thought you wanted love
And times you'll never know.
Parts of you, you cannot hide
Parts I'll never see.
Parts that want to be alone
And parts you share with me.
All these things that make you whole
I love like no one could.
And this is why I dream of you
In ways a lover would.
For friends is not enough for me
I know that it's been years.
But love has grown to more than this
Despite my greatest fears.
Take a look behind these eyes
And see the death of me.
The love I feel for my best friend
The love I want her to see.