Delight in the Lord?

Psalms 37:4:Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Now if this verse hasn't been misconstrued and pondered on and been ever so confusing to me and I'm sure many others, but they are true, and Spurgeon has an excellent word on why.

The teaching of these words must seem very surprising to those who are strangers to vital godliness, but to the sincere believer it is only the inculcation of a recognized truth. The life of the believer is here described as a delight in God, and we are thus certified of the great fact that true religion overflows with happiness and joy. Ungodly persons and mere professors never look upon religion as a joyful thing; to them it is service, duty, or necessity, but never pleasure or delight.
...
They who love God with all their hearts, find that his ways are ways of pleasantness, and all his paths are peace. Such joys, such brimful delights, such overflowing blessednesses, do the saints discover in their Lord, that so far from serving him from custom, they would follow him though all the world cast out his name as evil.
...
"'Tis when we taste thy love,
Our joys divinely grow,
Unspeakable like those above,
And heaven begins below."

Basically, It all begins with God, and we've built up a religion around His teachings. His teachings are the true religion, that which, when followed, lead to a better life, a more humble one maybe, but He who is close to God needs nothing else. Certainly He may give us material things, but we must recognize that we are merely stewards on this earth serving the Creator and caring for His creation.

A twofer from Spurgeon

Proverbs 30:8: Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
    give me neither poverty nor riches;
    feed me with the food that is needful for me
Psalm 38:21: Do not forsake me, O LORD!
    O my God, be not far from me!

Here we have two great lessons-what to deprecate and what to supplicate. The happiest state of a Christian is the holiest state.
...
No Christian enjoys comfort when his eyes are fixed on vanity-he finds no satisfaction unless his soul is quickened in the ways of God. The world may win happiness elsewhere, but he cannot. I do not blame ungodly men for rushing to their pleasures. Why should I? Let them have their fill. That is all they have to enjoy.
...
Christians must seek their delights in a higher sphere than the insipid frivolities or sinful enjoyments of the world. Vain pursuits are dangerous to renewed souls. We have heard of a philosopher who, while he looked up to the stars, fell into a pit; but how deeply do they fall who look down. Their fall is fatal. No Christian is safe when his soul is slothful, and his God is far from him. Every Christian is always safe as to the great matter of his standing in Christ, but he is not safe as regards his experience in holiness, and communion with Jesus in this life.
...
[Satan] may sometimes stand foot to foot with the child of God who is active in his Master's service, but the battle is generally short: he who slips as he goes down into the Valley of Humiliation, every time he takes a false step invites Apollyon to assail him. O for grace to walk humbly with our God!

I've noticed that Spurgeon likes to repeat himself repeat himself a lot. It helps get the point across, and it tends to make the highlights a little more difficult to pull out, since he is such an excellent writer. Fear not! I shall only be pulling from object lessons from Spurgeon from now on when I feel they're appropriate for daily living, which, it seems he's very good at doing as well. ;-)

Take freely, and drink fully

Revelation 22:17:The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

Drink freely of the gifts of God, and it will make you well. You need not pay him for them, though they are so perfect and good that we wish to glorify him for them, and to tell our neighbor of them. Those who preach are those who have either tasted, or are selling their own snake oil. Test them and find the true water of life, then drink it in and enjoy. It is for everyone.

Jesus says, "take freely." He wants no payment or preparation. He seeks no recommendation from our virtuous emotions. If you have no good feelings, if you be but willing, you are invited; therefore come! You have no belief and no repentance,-come to him, and he will give them to you. Come just as you are, and take "Freely," without money and without price.
...
The drinking fountains at the corners of our streets are valuable institutions; and we can hardly imagine any one so foolish as to feel for his purse, when he stands before one of them, and to cry, "I cannot drink because I have not five pounds in my pocket." However poor the man is, there is the fountain, and just as he is he may drink of it.
...
The liberality of some good friends has put the refreshing crystal there and we take it, and ask no questions. Perhaps the only persons who need go thirsty through the street where there is a drinking fountain, are the fine ladies and gentlemen who are in their carriages. They are very thirsty, but cannot think of being so vulgar as to get out to drink. It would demean them, they think, to drink at a common drinking fountain: so they ride by with parched lips. Oh, how many there are who are rich in their own good works and cannot therefore come to Christ! "I will not be saved," they say, "in the same way as the harlot or the swearer." What! go to heaven in the same way as a chimney sweep. Is there no pathway to glory but the path which led the thief there? I will not be saved that way. Such proud boasters must remain without the living water; but, "WHOSOEVER WILL, LET HIM TAKE THE WATER OF LIFE FREELY."

Spurgeon on salvation

2 Timothy 1:9
Salvation is a one-time thing.

The apostle uses the perfect tense and says, "Who hath saved us." Believers in Christ Jesus are saved. They are not looked upon as persons who are in a hopeful state, and may ultimately be saved, but they are already saved. Salvation is not a blessing to be enjoyed upon the dying bed, and to be sung of in a future state above, but a matter to be obtained, received, promised, and enjoyed now.
...
The believer is also perfectly saved in his covenant head, for as he fell in Adam, so he lives in Christ. This complete salvation is accompanied by a holy calling. Those whom the Saviour saved upon the cross are in due time effectually called by the power of God the Holy Spirit unto holiness: they leave their sins; they endeavour to be like Christ; they choose holiness, not out of any compulsion, but from the stress of a new nature, which leads them to rejoice in holiness just as naturally as aforetime they delighted in sin. God neither chose them nor called them because they were holy, but he called them that they might be holy, and holiness is the beauty produced by his workmanship in them.
...
Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord is the author of it: and what motive but grace could move him to save the guilty? Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord works in such a manner that our righteousness is for ever excluded. Such is the believer's privilege-a present salvation; such is the evidence that he is called to it-a holy life.

Spurgeon on love

1 John 4:19: We love because He first loved us.
With this statement, I could not agree more. How foolish do we think ourselves when we pride ourselves on our love. We rarely realize that true love springs not from our hearts, but from that of the One who made us. We would not be able to love Him, had He not loved us first. Now, we can love others, as we love ourselves, but this is only love that is a reflection of our own self-love. Loving God requires His nurturing the seed He plants in us, and we can either shade ourselves from his warm sunlight or embrace it and seek Him out, thus perpetuating the cycle of love. Here's what Spurgeon has to say on it.

There is no light in the planet but that which proceedeth from the sun; and there is no true love to Jesus in the heart but that which cometh from the Lord Jesus himself. From this overflowing fountain of the infinite love of God, all our love to God must spring.
...
How great the wonder that such as we should ever have been brought to love Jesus at all! How marvellous that when we had rebelled against him, he should, by a display of such amazing love, seek to draw us back.
...
Love is an exotic; it is not a plant which will flourish naturally in human soil, it must be watered from above. Love to Jesus is a flower of a delicate nature, and if it received no nourishment but that which could be drawn from the rock of our hearts it would soon wither.

Arg and Glory! (A week of Spurgeon)

No that's not a typo.

I'd fallen miserably behind (Well I suppose that's a rather subjective term) in reading Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotionals, as I said I would be doing regularly. I'm now more than a week behind, and was going to write up a catch-up post ccontaining excerpts and short comments on each day's devo, but of course hadn't saved the file when my computer decided to freeze up and I had to reboot it. So instead I will just say to you dear reader, read the devo for yourself, it is quite edifying. I will continue my posting starting from two days ago, that is, Sunday the 8th, with a few excerpts and comments, like I was planning to originally. And as always, keep praying for me that I may not lose sight of the glorious wonders of God's grace.

Thought for the morning of Sunday June 8

1 Chronicles 5:22

Warrior, fighting under the banner of the Lord Jesus, observe this verse with holy joy, for as it was in the days of old so is it now, if the war be of God the victory is sure.

Well then, good sir, what say you of the fight which I wage daily against myself? Of what war exactly do you speak?

The Lord saveth not by many nor by few; it is ours to go forth in Jehovah's name if we be but a handful of men, for the Lord of Hosts is with us for our Captain. They did not neglect buckler, and sword, and bow, neither did they place their trust in these weapons; we must use all fitting means, but our confidence must rest in the Lord alone, for he is the sword and the shield of his people.

So then, we must place our confidence in the Lord, using earthly tools. We must wage war upon sin and evil, fighting it not of our own strength but with the Lord's, using implements familiar to us, and effective weapons.

Beloved, in fighting with sin without and within, with error doctrinal or practical, with spiritual wickedness in high places or low places, with devils and the devil's allies, you are waging Jehovah's war, and unless he himself can be worsted, you need not fear defeat.

Fighting against sin is not our war, it is God's, so how about we let Him fight it? No, for we are soldiers of Christ, and thus are commanded by our Lord and Master to fight the good fight.

Thought for the evening of Sunday June 8

Numbers 11:23

God had made a positive promise to Moses that for the space of a whole month he would feed the vast host in the wilderness with flesh. Moses, being overtaken by a fit of unbelief, looks to the outward means, and is at a loss to know how the promise can be fulfilled. He looked to the creature instead of the Creator. But doth the Creator expect the creature to fulfil his promise for him? No; he who makes the promise ever fulfils it by his own unaided omnipotence. If he speaks, it is done-done by himself. His promises do not depend for their fulfilment upon the co-operation of the puny strength of man. We can at once perceive the mistake which Moses made. And yet how commonly we do the same! God has promised to supply our needs, and we look to the creature to do what God has promised to do; and then, because we perceive the creature to be weak and feeble, we indulge in unbelief.

Why do we so often doubt the Creator? Is He not omnipotent? Does His word return void in our lives? Perhaps that is our perception, but then we are most likely not resting in His unfailing word and giving Him our full trust. We cannot do God's work for Him, or rather, we should not attempt to hurry His plan along. His timing is perfect, and as long as we rest in that fact, things will work out. It's when we try and take things into our own hands that God has to remind us who is really in charge.

The ground of faith is not the sufficiency of the visible means for the performance of the promise, but the all-sufficiency of the invisible God, who will most surely do as he hath said. If after clearly seeing that the onus lies with the Lord and not with the creature, we dare to indulge in mistrust, the question of God comes home mightily to us: "Has the Lord's hand waxed short?" May it happen, too, in his mercy, that with the question there may flash upon our souls that blessed declaration, "Thou shalt see now whether my word shall come to pass unto thee or not."

And God's word shall pass unto us as He has said.

Thought for the morning of Monday June 9

Psalms 126:3

Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. Ask for their impression of the Christian life, and they will describe their continual conflicts, their deep afflictions, their sad adversities, and the sinfulness of their hearts, yet with scarcely any allusion to the mercy and help which God has vouchsafed them. But a Christian whose soul is in a healthy state, will come forward joyously, and say, "I will speak, not about myself, but to the honour of my God. He hath brought me up out of an horrible pit, and out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings: and he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God. The Lord hath done great things for me, whereof I am glad."

Here is an example of looking down rather than up, looking around at the rough waters rather than gazing into the eyes of our savior. It reminds me of the last line from the poem "Footprints in the Sand", when the Lord replied, "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an all-sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion.

The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise, we reckon them to be the bass part of our life's song, "He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad."

Thought for the evening of Monday June 9

John 5:39

The Greek word here rendered search signifies a strict, close, diligent, curious search, such as men make when they are seeking gold, or hunters when they are in earnest after game. We must not rest content with having given a superficial reading to a chapter or two, but with the candle of the Spirit we must deliberately seek out the hidden meaning of the word.

There is much to be found in the Scriptures, the living word of God. Much of it is revealed to us just when we need it through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The Scriptures claim searching. They are the writings of God, bearing the divine stamp and imprimatur- who shall dare to treat them with levity? He who despises them despises the God who wrote them.

If you tossed away your girlfriend's letter, or a letter from your Mother or Father, without reading or cherishing it, what would they think? Here Spurgeon is applying human attributes to God, but aren't we really somewhat reflections of Him?

God does not bid us sift a mountain of chaff with here and there a grain of wheat in it, but the Bible is winnowed corn-we have but to open the granary door and find it. Scripture grows upon the student. It is full of surprises.

There is not simply a few nuggets of truth hidden far away, nestled deep in the crevices of the Word, no, it is burting forth with Truth, filled to the brim and running over!

Lastly, the Scriptures reveal Jesus: "They are they which testify of me." No more powerful motive can be urged upon Bible readers than this: he who finds Jesus finds life, heaven, all things. Happy he who, searching his Bible, discovers his Saviour.

Thought for the morning of Tuesday June 10

Romans 14:8

If God had willed it, each of us might have entered heaven at the moment of conversion. It was not absolutely necessary for our preparation for immortality that we should tarry here.

Why then, Mr. Spurgeon, are we still here? He asks the same question.

Why are his children still wandering hither and thither through a maze, when a solitary word from his lips would bring them into the centre of their hopes in heaven?

And here he gives the answer:

We are here as the "salt of the earth," to be a blessing to the world. We are here to glorify Christ in our daily life. We are here as workers for him, and as "workers together with him." Let us see that our life answereth its end. Let us live earnest, useful, holy lives, to "the praise of the glory of his grace."

We are here to increase the fold, to bring more to the flock of Christ, and to better the world through our imitation of Christ.

Thought for the evening of Tuesday June 10

John 5:39

Jesus Christ is the Alpha and Omega of the Bible. He is the constant theme of its sacred pages; from first to last they testify of him.

We should always read Scripture in this light; we should consider the word to be as a mirror into which Christ looks down from heaven; and then we, looking into it, see his face reflected as in a glass-darkly, it is true, but still in such a way as to be a blessed preparation for seeing him as we shall see him face to face. This volume contains Jesus Christ's letters to us, perfumed by his love.

The Scriptures are the swaddling bands of the holy child Jesus; unroll them and you find your Saviour. The quintessence of the word of God is Christ.

Not much I can say to all that. It's certainly true.

Waking up can be sooo troublesome

Have a little Spurgeon in the morning?

Well now... that's quite engaging.

I've started reading Charles' Spurgeon's Morning and Evening for my daily devotionals... and boy does he have a heavy word to speak today.
"There can hardly be any goodness in a man if he be not angry at sin; he who loves truth must hate every false way." That's for sure. We are to imitate Christ, for He is the perfect man, and he calls us to be perfect, which we can only strive for through His strength, and will never accomplish until the day we step out of this world.

"He [Jesus] hated wickedness, so much so that He bled to wound it to the heart; He died that it might die; He was buried that He might bury it in His tomb; and He rose that He might forever trample it beneath His feet. Christ is in the Gospel, and that Gospel is opposed to wickedness in every shape." Well, that's just great. So God hates wickedness, we know this... what does it mean for me? That because I am wicked, I am also hated by God? No.

"As warm as is His love to sinners, so hot is His hatred of sin; as perfect as is His righteousness, so complete shall be the destruction of every form of wickedness."
Amen! May God's name be praised! I feel a little like a charasmatic preacher... but it is glorious that the Holy God, who has every right to punish us fully, sent His son as a substitute for all of mankind, and for me, that I might not know God's full wrath. Life may still suck sometimes, but it's nowhere near what we deserve, and even in the hard times, God is closer to us than anything else.

-Gilligan(Cleansed in Christ)

Na08

Incredible, amazing, and awesome.

Just three of the many many words I'd use to describe the New Attitude conference I just got back from... It was awe-FULL!

God really grabbed my heart and tugged it ever so gently but firmly back to Him. I've now got a passion to read the Word and delve ever deeper into the wonders of His grace and majesty. Each and every message spoke to me in some way, and showed me things for myself and others that were incredibly poignant and relevant to what I was (am?) going through. When God speaks, you better listen, because it is good. I'm currently going through the messages again, listening to them and taking more detailed notes this time around. (There's only so much you can fit in the little booklet they give you, especially when some of the speakers speak quickly!)

Also, I'll be starting to read Spurgeon's Morning & Evening tomorrow, the idea is to read it both in the morning and the evening. (Who'dathunkit?) Here's to God!

-Gilligan(All I have is Christ)

People Suck

Well, this week is turning out to be one filled with drama and applicable advice and satire. I suppose it's in preparation for the conference I'm going to this weekend, and thus will not be blogging. I'll be sure to post more once I get back. A friend of mine had some choice words for another this morning, and I felt that they were adequately appropriate to, well, everyone. She has graciously allowed me to use her words on this blog that no one reads.
Thanks Dori.
I'll let her take it from here:

People suck. God said so himself, just not in that way. Every person on this earth is dishonest, and they will be until they die. No matter how many people say they don't lie, they're lying right there. People will hurt you, people will let you down. People are awful. We're ALL awful. Even you, [even me].

Just know that God is the One that makes us all better. It depends on who actually takes God's offer of eternal life and starts to use it and listen to it. The key word there is listen. People don't listen to God. People just go about and do their own thing, and most don't think they need God. Actually, all people usually think they don't need God. Well, they do. We do. You do.

Like I said, people suck. But God is the only One that makes us better. People just need to stop, look, and listen.

--Dori

Still kinda weird...

I'm not sure if there has ever been this much application to my life from other sources, or if I've just been particularly attuned to them lately, but these came this morning in a daily quote and joke email I get.

"No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad."

--Unknown

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

--Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"Troubles in marriage often start when one gets too busy earning the salt that they forget their sugar."

--Unknown


And this is the cartoon:


Not directly applicable, except for the break-up and subsequent distance created by one of the parties.

Well Golly Day!

Is EVERYONE on the internet trying to read my mind/mock my life lately? First Lolcats... TWICE, and now XKCD. Gosh. I wonder what apropos meme tomorrow will bring.

New Design

Wait, I might hesitate
Am I a minute too late?
Please Lord, I need to know,
This pressure's got me letting go
If I'm wrong, will I still carry on
And end up where I belong?
I've never felt this way, before

I've never come so close
I've never worn so thin
I'm stepping out, instead of closing in
I left myself behind
When I made up my mind
No turning back this time
This is my new design

Sometimes, I feel so alone
It feels like I'm standing on my own
And I've never, felt so far from home
it's coming on, it hits me when I step
outside my zone

I see, what you're doing to me
Could've been you so easily
but you look the other way
Even though we were close the other day
And I'm still trying to get up this hill
I need you just like a pill
And I've never felt this way before

Do ya get the feeling, everything will be alright?
I'm moving, so pleased to meet you
But I am moving on, tried to pass it to another
But it's coming on, I can't wait to find out
Break me, I can't seem to climb out
Of this hole, I'm stuck again
If I'm not out in a minute, I'm jumping in
Let's start again
I'm sick of this

Let's just, get it out, are ya feelin' it?
Move back, ya wanna feel how real it is?

Sometimes I feel so alone!

(Thousand Foot Krutch: Phenomenon)

TFK really spoke to how I feel tonight... God had me stick their CD in and put it on random for a reason. In it it's really me talking to two people, they'll know who they are. In the explanation below, I kind of expound upon the lyrics and add my own thoughts.

Here it is:

Wait, I might hesitate
(To do the right thing)
Am I a minute too late?
(To save the relationship before it's too late)
Please Lord, I need to know,
(What can I do now?)
This pressure's got me letting go
(Too much stress, what's the cause? Is it me?)
If I'm wrong, will I still carry on
(Will you carry me on?)
And end up where I belong?
(Where do I belong?)
I've never felt this way before
(Why have you told me to let go and give You the one I love?)

I've never come so close
(To breaking down)
I've never worn so thin
(I'm on my last threads)
I'm stepping out, instead of closing in
(Stepping out to You in faith, rather than closing everyone else out)
I left myself behind
(I really don't want it to be this way)
When I made up my mind
(You made it so clear it has to be)
No turning back this time
(I'm going forward in You, please bring her along too)
This is my new design
(I am a new creature, being formed into Your image daily)

Sometimes, I feel so alone
(It seems you've left me all alone?)
It feels like I'm standing on my own
(Why was I ignoring You)
And I've never, felt so far from home
(Home is where the heart is, and mine's in Texas)
it's coming on, it hits me when I step
(You stopped me in my tracks)
outside my zone
(And guided me to a different path)

I see, what you're doing to me
(Change object: I was pulling my hair out)
Could've been you so easily
(I want you to be the one)
but you look the other way
(Why, except that I'm so far away?)
Even though we were close the other day
(A few months ago)
And I'm still trying to get up this hill
(It's hard going uphill when it feels like you're not pushing too)
I need you just like a pill
(I was addicted to you, couldn't get off you)
And I've never felt this way before
(It's weird listening to God and still not knowing where we're going)

Do ya get the feeling, everything will be alright?
(I pray you do)
I'm moving, so pleased to meet you
(May God bless you)
But I am moving on, tried to pass it to another
(This doesn't particularly apply)
But it's coming on, I can't wait to find out
(God's leading me, I don't know where)
Break me, I can't seem to climb out
(From myself, I can't do it by myself)
Of this hole, I'm stuck again
(I fall back away from God)
If I'm not out in a minute, I'm jumping in
(I'm so eager to trust myself)
Let's start again
(God, and you if He leads us)
I'm sick of this
(I need loyalty and reliability and trust... God can provide)

Let's just, get it out, are ya feelin' it?
(Can you let go of yourself)
Move back, ya wanna feel how real it is?
(Can you trust God fully for your strength?)

Sometimes... I... feel... so... alone!
(Without God, life pretty much sucks)

I just wish I could have...

But I will when I come back.

Flavr... Where is it?

Hey God, I'd like an order of life, with a heaping of flavor. Thanks very much.
And can you make it snappy?
No? Oh, ok.
Drive around where??? For how long?
Oh, I guess I don't get those details... of course.
Gee, thanks a lot.
*sigh*

Gilligan (1 month)

Relief

It comes in many forms, but generally follows a pattern, or so I've noticed.

First, there is calm, peace, things are moving along well. Then, a bit of pressure builds up, stress. Over a long time or a little while, but it's there. It may be there all along, just too small to notice until it stacks and stacks so high you can't help but trip over it.

Then at some point, the pressure becomes so great that there is an explosion, a release of the pressure build-up, or, possibly, a steady stream of pressure release as if from a valve channeled properly. It is after the pressure is released that the relief sets in, and things can continue. Things are different, something has changed, but life goes on in light of, or in spite of, the change.

In the form of school, the pressure is homework and projects and tests... they don't seem that bad until the week before, when you have little time to work on them and have to cram it all into a small amount of time. The same goes for exams.


In the form of relationships, which are much more fluid and generally more rugged, it is like a stream with rocks tossed in every once and a while, and some of them are small and roll along, while others are big and cause a huge splash for a moment, and then the stream winds its way around the obstacle. Sometimes a huge boulder is dropped in, and if the river is wide enough, or the relationship deep enough, it will move around or over the obstacle without much difficulty.

But, if the relationship hasn't been fed in a while, or if there have been many smaller rocks tossed in and rolling along the bottom for a while, or worse: both, the river will stop. A dam will have been formed, and the relationship must deepen or widen in order to continue in the same way.

It will remain cut off if it is not fed and nurtured, but if it grows even a little after this damming, it will eventually wear away at the boulder, and the smaller rocks and pebbles will seem to shrink as well. Eventually, the boulder will be worked around, provided the river is given fresh water and a chance to change. This will take a long time, and to the observers it may seem an unbearable amount of time.

It can happen, on the other hand, that an outside force, we'll say a stonemason, comes in and chips away at the boulder, helping the river by giving it some of it's strength. This also takes a long time, but it generally leaves the boulder a smaller rock than if the river were to simply weave it's way around it by itself. The stonemason can even take the large boulder and turn it into a sculpture that the river could never create by itself. This also takes time, but if the river resists, since I'm personifying it, the stonemason will not work on the boulder, and it will not be as good as it could be.

I hope you enjoyed my metaphor for life. I hope it made sense too. Please comment and let me know what you think.

Questions.

Questions.
Too many questions, wrapped up inside.
I feel them all, not wanting to hide.
Writhing inside, I feel pain, I feel hurt.
Wandering around, I wonder what works.
Asking questions, not getting answers,
Makes the head hurt, and the heart yearn.

The last of the poems.

Amen.

Or not.

Here's to an all-nighter

Well, I didn't think I'd be staying up all night tonight... I just kept looking at my watch and the hours flew by. Well, all is not lost. Here's a list of what I've achieved thus far:

1. Figure out my class schedules for this summer and coming fall.
2. Look into various computer certifications, gape at the requirements for CompTIA A+ at the community college... 14 credits. Ouch. The CISCO certificate is 16, and the Security one is 15, so it's par for the course I guess. A beast of a cert. is the Database Certificate, at a whopping 31 credits. It's like it's own minor.
3. Find out I know most of the first A+ objective, but fail miserably at the other two.
4. Look over some more scholarships and determine which ones should be applied for soon.
5. Check Gmail.
6. Find a free web based touch-typing aid.
7. Check Google Reader.
8. Check Twitter.
9. Watch several video podcasts
10. Check Gmail.
11. Blog.
12. Look out the window and realize "Holy crap it's getting light out!"

Yay me! And yes, I know I put checking my email on there twice, I did it a lot, as well as Reader, cause I added a few RSS feeds tonight.

Stuff I need to do today:

1. Call Financial Aid and the Registrar.
2. Get the oil changed in the car.
3. Finish homework.
4. Catch up on Statistics labs.
5. Stay away in class.
6. Sleep.

I really need sleep, but I'm afraid if I go to bed I won't wake up in time to call around and get the oil changed. So, if anybody reads this, please put down your favorite energy drink or stay-awake method that doesn't involve coffee... though Mom just got some Autocrat coffee syrup... it may be just the right time to try some. Anywho... now for another 15.25 hours of wakefulness... Maybe a little nap wouldn't hurt...

Gilligan(zzzzz)

Words vs Thoughts

Too many words, lots of thinking
Bunches of words, not enough thoughts
Fewer words, little thought
No words, no thought
Many words, too much thought.
End. Or the beginning?

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

Today, at least.

Poetry

Poetry is lovely, poetry is nice
Often is warm, sometimes like ice.
Poetry reveals life,
just like novels do.
I'm writing a poem,
You should too.

lolcats make me laugh

and I just thought this one was too good to resist sharing. I may post some more later as they come up...

Missed one, so here's two.

Sometimes I like you, others I'm sad.
But I never hate you, and often I'm glad.
You seem to see the trouble,
but fixing it is hard
Popping the bubble
into a million shards.
Bringing you down
Is what I'll do
Turning you around
And finding something new.


Is this the end, or only a beginning?
What will mistakes, in the future be bringing?
Will life go on, as does the mail?
Or will everything crash, catastrophic fail?

A change of pace

A change of pace,
A brand new space
Life seems dense
When you just see the fence
Climb up, climb over
See the field of clover
Waiting on the other side
The clover, it is there
You can smell it in the air
And all that you must do is venture around
The fence on this side, firmly on the ground
Walk around, walk around, for a year maybe two
You keep getting closer, and it teases you
With it's fragrance you smell it
And desperately want it
But alas, it is not yet ripe to pluck

Angsty Blog #2

What can I do? I'm just a born fool.
Singing sweet nothings into the air.
I feel that I knew, I just jumped in a pool,
Swimming in garbage with narry a care.

Angsty poem #1

Life is good when nobody cares.
You only hurt people when they see your life, or you see theirs.
Sometimes you feel you've fallen down a flight of stairs.
Getting up is too hard, can't turn back cause I'm not scared,
Why should I care? You'll only stare.
Life is good when nobody cares.
Especially me, because life isn't fair.

Drat, missed another one.

At least I was being productive.

The Count

One week more to call my own.
Two lives to shape and hone.
Three may bring much fear and doubt.
Four times forty I'll cry and shout.
Five fingers on each hand of mine.
Six days before I lose my mind.
Seven before I make my home.

Poems

I think I shall write a poem.
I'll use the words cause I know'em.
I write in rhyme
and sing in time
And now I'll say Shalom.

National Poetry Month?

Well lookie there... I've been reminded that it's National Poetry month... and I just happened to have been dealt a heaping pile of angst. We'll see how this works out. Next post before midnight.

Speaking of planes...

My girlfriend and best guy friend will both be flying here in a month, and I'm gonna ask off work... the thing is I probably won't get off both Friday and Saturday, so I'll probably just ask off for the mornings of those days. Or maybe the morning of one and the night of the other (date night). That will be decided come March 1.

Thing is, the only time she can come up is a weekend (Thu-Sun), which is when I work (Thu-Sat), so we won't be able to spend most of the day together. What are she, and best friend, supposed to do for 8 hours in a city they don't know with a family they don't know... I guess they could just chill at my house, but that's boring. Maybe we'll have snow and they can build a snowman or something. Anywho, I'm gonna take her out on a date Friday or Saturday night, but that can be decided a little later.

I really really miss her, and I can't wait to see her, smell her hair, touch her face, hear her voice, and taste her lips. Sorry if I wax a bit poetic, something about absence and fondness of the heart.

Gilligan(longing)

Geocities return part 5c: The final countdown!

Alright, here's the last bit, the final piece... the end of my journey into the web past... A countdown I made for when I'd be coming home for my first winter break. I hadn't developed many strong connections here yet. ;-)



Obviously it's all over now, but it was a fun exercise in learning about time formats and Javascript, so this is probably my most favorite page of all. Enjoy.

Gilligan (the nerd)

Geocities return part 5b: Bookmarks

I had a lot of bookmarks... still do. I should really use some online web link storage site like Del.icio.us or Furl... oh wait, I'm on Furl, but I forget my login info. Anywho, here's my list of bookmarks, feel free to waste time looking through them.

Geocities return part 5a: Pages upon pages

Greetings once again to my little corner of the interwebs. Now we shall look over the pages I attached to my site, though none of these except for the index has been seen by public eyes since they were created.

First, the homepage:


Obviously made in, or at least not updated since, 2005, since the banner ad is for something being released in November of that year.
Also, a heavily influenced color scheme... can you tell from what? ;-)
I'm thinking an apology isn't the best thing to have as the ONLY paragraph on the page... The links are nice though. I wonder how many are dead?

Next, a countdown that was both an exercise in Javascript and futility.

Gilligan(product of the 90's)

Geocities revisit part 4: Vanity

What can I say? I like pictures of myself. And I like Spider-man. And The Matrix is(was) one of the best mind blowing action sci-fi movies I've seen for a long long time. Dark City and Equilibrium were good too.

Of course, I have to say that the first picture is from November 2004, the second is from July 2005, and the third, from November of '05 as well. Sooo long ago. Goodness. I'll have to update my blogger profile pic sometime soon.

Well, that's all the pictures, next I'll post screenshots and links to the other webpages from way back when. There really aren't that many, just informative stuff, but they'll go up here regardless. Cheers!

Gilligan(fond of memories)

Geocities refresh part 3: Email joys

I was obviously very enthused waaay back in November 2004, when Hotmail increased their storage capacity from a meager 10mb (or was it 25?) to a whopping 250mb.



Yes, that's megabytes. I could never imagine I'd need more, though I think I was beginning to max out my account (at 80% or so) before they bumped it. Later of course I found out about Gmail, which at the time offered an entire Gigabyte, and it's kept growing ever since. (Now at 6.25 GB and counting...) Amazing. Back then, I was only using 857KB... Now, even though I'm using up 926MB, I'll still definitely never use it all...

Coming up next, a bit of vanity.

Gilligan(nerd)

100 Posts!

W00T!
*ahem*
A momentous occasion... 100 posts on a blog. Considering I've been a "blogger" since September 5. 2004, I've posted an average of one post every 12.5 days... or once nearly every two weeks. I guess that month of blogging doesn't really do much when you've got 3 years to make up for. :-p
Alright, now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Gilligan(Reminiscing)

Geocities rehash Part 2: Banners

Late in the month of November 2005, I had a banner-posting fiesta.
This one:

this one:

(had to make sure you got the website)
and this one:

Now, most of my Latin from High School has left me, but at the time I was fresh out of my Senior year, so apparently I thought it's be pretty neat to have a slogan that no one would understand. If I recall correctly, I think I modified some famous Roman's motto. I shall now attempt to translate. It reads: "Obey God; serve mankind; oppose tyranny!"

Ok ok, I have something to admit. I didn't actually translate it, because my version would have been "Venerate God, serve man, obliterate tyrrany", though that would have been close. No, I chose to Google it, which gave me the googlebomb of Mike New's webpage: http://www.mikenew.com/motto.html. His story is a good one, and I still support his views of duty, honor, and country. You can read up on his webpage to see what his situation is, or watch a half-hour documentary on Google Video.

11 days later, I made this web banner.
I believe I got the slogan from "The Advertising Slogan Generator", which was all the rage for about three minutes sometime 3 years ago. I believe I could consider myself a fadboy... but I've grown up and my perception has matured a bit. I now research things far more than most people do, and reject the more ridiculous fanboyisms.

Gilligan (GO MAC/LINUX!)

Geocities recovery: Part 1

Alright, so here we go. I'm going through my old geocities account and posting the files I hosted there (moved to photobucket for storage) in mostly alphabetical order, though I doubt I'll be using it at all any more.

I decided to put up my schedules for fall of 2005 and spring of 2006, freshman year. Most likely so that Mom and Dad wouldn't have to nag me all the time about when my classes were, and so that friends could see my schedule. This was obviously before I'd discovered the awesomeness that was Facebook and the magic that is Google Calendar.

Fall 2005


Yes, I did have to retake Discrete Math, and no I don't know why the room numbers are on the Fall schedule but not the Spring.

Spring 2006

Ah, Spring semestar was so glorious... darn Physics had to mess up my empty TuTh schedule. :-)

Links from the past

My Geocities account has risen from the dead... or rather, I was reminded of it by a friend. I fear this site must die... or be remolded into something much, much better... but most likely death. However, in memoriam, I shall be posting pictures and linking files from it here in the style of Rachelskirts most recent series: Embarrassing Skirts Trivia; Vol. 1 and Vol. 2.
Expect more tomorrow.

Gilligan

Ah the old days...

When Dial-up was all the rage...

Found this website through this man's blog. And I thought it was quite appropriate. I've been looking for a 56k connection sound clip for a very long time... and now I've got it! :-)

Gilligan(is geeky happy)

Photo post

I'd meant to post a while ago a picture of my ghetto watch fix, but never got around to uploading it. And so, when I saw the results of the Dishwasher vs. Peanut Butter Pretzel container, I had to post it.

Here's the watch:


And the results of Dishwasher vs. PBPC, with an unscathed jar for comparison.
(Hint, it wasn't a tie.)



Dishwasher: 1 Plastic jar: 0

Gah!

School starts Monday... I have no books, I have only a schedule, no idea on building locations... I watched Cloverfield, and I need sleep. I was very sick this week, but I'm better now. Monies were saved... or at least not spent Wednesday. However, soon cometh the first of the month bills, and I need to tithe tomorrow. This will be a good week.

Gilligan(abbr.)

20 Days...

... since I last blogged. It's been a long... long time. Dec 28th... hmm, it seems so long ago, BECAUSE IT IS! Nearly three weeks... Hmph. Well lets see if I can't give a recap of my life since then.

Week of December 30th: In California! Spent a week with my girlfriend at her parent's house, but neglected to speak to her father about future plans. Strike for me. It will come later. However, we did speak with her pastor there... it went well. No official counseling yet, since we aren't engaged. I can't wait to change that. Ah, we also went ring shopping and learned that diamonds aren't cheap (duh).

Week of January 6th: I finally realize it's a new year and I have to start writing "08" on my checks and other documents. Started back work and got some extra hours in due to the post christmas rush. Wish I could have gone to Cali for Christmas, because we were much slower then than we were the two weeks after. Meh. I had a larger paycheck for a week or two, all is good.

Week of January 13th: Had a budgeting conversation with Dad, worked out some numbers the week before, and Dad helped me adjust them. I'd estimated low on several things and added some stuff that was only a one-time deal. Turns out I'll need to make $12 an hour and Laura will need $10 an hour to get by comfortably depending on gas and car payments, if we're both working 40 hour weeks.

Also, had a misunderstanding/disagreement/fight with the girlfriend... I said some harsh words that were based on an incomplete view of the female psyche, specifically, my girlfriend's. Luckily it got resolved in a day or two. I came in to work today, apparently too early, and he sent me home anyways. God knows I need the money, so he gave me a little bonus this week. Thank you God.

Now I'm realizing that I have 6 days until I go to court, and am hoping and praying that they take at least $100 off my tickets... because I'll only have about $620 (minus ~$50-70 in tithe) in my account when I go. Too bad the court date couldn't have been a Thursday or Friday. I'll have to remember to bring my checkbook. Oh, maybe some more rebates will come in... That would be great. I can also sell some stuff I got on Black Friday like I've been meaning to.

As of tonight, I am relying on God much, much more than I have in the past. Unfortunately I haven't been able to make it to care group so far this year (2008) because I've been working Tuesdays and Wednesdays because of the customer rush, and it looks like I won't be able to at all this semester, because I've got a class that falls right into that time slot on Tuesday nights.

Pray for me, friends and strangers, I'll need much more discipline this Spring semester, as I'll be taking 18 credits and working 20 or so hours at JC's. That translates to 18 hours of class + 1.5-2 times that for homework (27-36 hrs) plus 20-25 hours of work, so... 65-80 hours a week of school and work. Take 2 hours for Church and I've got 30 hours left, or roughly 4 hours a day of free time. Sorry, that's a lot of numbers... I like numbers... I might make a good manager. Now I'm estimating the highest amounts for all this, so I'll probably have more free time than that, but it's just a framework. Thank you all, and have a good week!

Gilligan(God Bless)

11 days...

...Into my 20th year, and I'm already being reminded of responsibility all over the place. I've already gone a quarter to a fifth of my life... what have I done with it so far? I can't wait till I'm 21. In fact, I think I'll move out in August. Who knows, maybe I'll have to stay in Maryland for school, but if I'm going to LeTourneau, I'm going to Texas. There are a few things wrapped up in that statement, and some that follow from them, see if you can decipher them all. ;-)

2 days till I see my girlfriend, I can't wait! Though I have to... Anywho, I haven't been late enough for the boss to take away my vacation, except for today, when he's being merciful and giving me an hour off for family photos, with a condition. I need to be in the store (presumably clocked in) by 13:00 on the dot or I no longer have a job at JC's. Not the best thing in the world, but it's better than nothing, and instead of everybody losing, it's a compromise of sorts. I just wish my parents saw my job as a real job. They haven't been supportive of it from the start, saying I need experience in my field, which is true, but I've got a job that I wouldn't be able to hold anywhere else, and if they want me to do school instead of work, what kind of message are they sending there? how do they expect me to pay car insurance or cell phone bills (or unexpected things like speeding tickets... ugh)? I'll have to hold a job and work for the rest of my college career probably, even if it's delivering pizzas. I'll most definitely have to work on getting things done, like homework and devotions. But other than that, I'll be out of my parents house in 2 years at the max. If things go well, that is, if God decides to bless my path, things may turn out differently. I think I'll go start building credit now.

-Gilligan (Vingtième anné)

BLOG!

SIXTEEN DAYS!

It's the season

for Christmas ROCKING!!!

Now that we're almost a week into December, I believe it is high time to start listening to some Christmas music. And so I've got Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Mannheim Steamroller, Relient K and TobyMac's holiday albums running in shuffle on my computer. Yay Christmas!

In all honesty, I think that music is a wonderful thing, but that the radio stations play the same stuff over and over, which annoys me. That's also one of the main reasons I don't really listen to much radio.

-Gilligan(Christmas Rock Opera!)

Another Monday

And another day goes whizzing by. Today I got up in time for most of my history class. Darn those '8 o'clock's! Grr... Why do I ever think I can take them? Oh, right, because it was the only class available. Grr...again. Anywho, I made it to class, ten minutes late, so I caught most of it. It stinks that the part where American History gets interesting, I start missing classes. Not cool. I'll have to get the notes for the last two classes on Wednesday.

Also, I've got a presentation on Wednesday, and a program due in a week. Yay CIS and Data Structures.

Tomorrow, I shall go forth and get my name out there, talking with some folks in business, sticking my foot in the door for an (unpaid, six month, 6-18 hrs/wk) internship... I guess I should work up a resume first... maybe I can just ask them what they'd like to see on it. Yay me.

Let's see... seems like the rest of the week is going well, oh, and I'm gonna visit one of my good friends, who just got out of surgery Saturday. Should be fun, I'll stay for an hour or so, then be on my way.

Can I think of anything else? Oh, my girlfriend's in a choir! And they had a concert! I get to see the video when I go out to Cali in less than a month. I can't wait... *sigh* gonna be great... *sigh again with a smile.*

That about wraps up this blurb of a blog, hope you all have a wonderful December, we're supposed to get snow on Thursday! (But you know how accurate the weatherman is... ;-)

-Gilligan(chilly)

Well, NaBloPoMo is over

And Thanksgiving took priority. Yay food! :-p Oh well, better luck next year, and hey, maybe even the rest of this year. Who knows? I'll probably blog about books I'm reading, movies I've seen, and of course the normal day-to-day stuff, and special stuff like the fact that I'm realizing I screwed myself... er, didn't read the fine print... on some rebates from CompUSA. Needless to say, I will be returning some merchandise (2/3), getting rebates on another (1/3) and selling it, and recouping good money in the process. Also, I shall be selling stuffs on eBay to recoup some cash, and praying I get those rebates I sent for on those items. So, if you'd like to help a fellow blogger out, get some neat tech toys for cheap, and have a wonderful Christmas all around, check out my eBay seller page... uh... as soon as I set up a seller account/ upgrade my buyer account. Shoot. How does that work? More research before finals... woot.

Thanks for an excellent month of posts!

-Gilligan

Yesterday, not so fun

Title says it all. Basically, a bunch of stuff happened, I found out I was more in debt than I've ever been, and that I need to find out what monies I'll be getting back from rebates and whether I should just return the stuff rather than selling it, and I got home late from school and found out I had to pick my brother up from his Wednesday night group, I didn't get to talk to my girlfriend as long as I wanted to because we were working on school, I found out I'll be working early on Saturday morning, and as I was getting into my car earlier, my watch band broke, specifically the plastic loop that the strap goes through to hold it as the Velcro folds back on itself, snapped. (Did you know that Velcro is a proper noun? Google does.) Luckily I have come up with a solution for that one. Now I just need to find a paper clip or two. Why can't God give me just one thing to deal with at a time? /end rant.

-Gilligan(moving on, over burning bridges)

Money and me, they don't mix.

I need money!

Ok ok... so I don't really need to buy the stuff I bought. But I got great deals on them, and I'm going to get rebates and sell them for more money than I ultimately paid. But that doesn't help when I've got insurance and phone bills to pay for, gas to buy, as well as payments on a computer and paintball gun. (Although I think the gun is completely mine now...) PLUS a whopping speeding ticket for more money than I've had in my account over the past month.

I'm a spender. and a bad one at that. I NEED a budget, but I never keep up with it. I've tried several times, to no avail. I just need to not buy anything except for gas, and fast food maybe twice a month. Maybe I'll skip the burgers... (But Five Guys is sooo good.) I'm a college kid, and I'm turning into a poor college kid. I wasn't rich before, but now I'm in debt. A lot. Not cool at all.

Gilligan(3rd Steward)

Epic fail.

Never... I repeat... Never assume.

Especially when your girlfriend sends a pic. To your phone. After she's was just talking about trying an outfit. And you had just mentioned taking a pic. And especially when the pic is nothing like what she described because that's not something she'd take a picture of anyways. Always take your time looking at the picture before you reply. If anything... even the slightest bit, doesn't look right, or like what you expect. MAKE SURE you know what you're talking about in the next text.

Ok, that was a random rant that nobody knows the context of and nobody needs to. I'm fine, she's fine, and I'm going to bed. Right after I finish my term project.

Gilligan(hasty judgment never wins)

Mint is awesome.

Well I finally set up Mint, a clean, easy interface for your finances. It's pretty great. I did have to hack my online bank account to get all the security questions it needed, but once I got that out of the way it's a piece of cake. Mint shows you your account balances, spending history, alerts you to over budget spending, and even gives you ways you can save (or earn) money, by switching to another account or bank. One of my savings accounts isn't earning any interest at my current bank, so Mint suggested that I move it to a different bank with 5.01% APR interest! Pretty snazzy, I'd say. I'd love it if you could compare banks arbitrarily, but the different systems are probably closed and difficult for an independent company such as Mint to get into. Such is the world of banking.

There's your brief update for today. Have a great rest of the month! And if you use online banking, check out Mint today!

-Gilligan

Well that stinks...

This thanksgiving was good, except that I was so distracted by work and play that I forgot to blog. ...ever-forgetful, that's me. Oh well, and I was going to win this one too! :-p

Word from the wise: Life is tough. If your girlfriend is being vulnerable with you, choose your words very carefully, or your attempts to help or think things out or be logical will only feel like daggers to her beating heart. And don't even think of asking her to be strong, because she needs you, not a stone wall.

Gilligan(wandering and rambling)

Contacts

Well, I changed my contacts today. This may not seem like a significant event, especially considering they are monthly contacts, which means I'm supposed to throw them out every month and use a new pair. However, this is the 21st day of November, and I've been using this pair of contacts since a week or so into October, and, I haven't taken them out of my eyes for the past three or four weeks, with little to no ill effects. In fact, my eyes felt dry, naked and unprotected without them. Perhaps that is an ill effect. But I can see!

Now, I'm not completely sure this is healthy, so I'll ask my optometrist about it after the holiday, but I do recall hearing her mention that some people can wear their contacts day and night without worry. I believe I am one of those people. Yay for non-stop semi-clear vision! I may need to get my prescription readjusted... but they're difficult to perfect, and I've still got six pairs left or so, so I'll probably just have to deal with a tiny bit of blurriness.

-Gilligan(mostly-clearsighted)

Headache.

I've got one.

No post tonight. :-/

-Gilligan

Elevation and Expectations

Ok, so I just found out that my city's elevation is 33 feet above sea level... 33 FEET! Whereas my girlfriend's parents' town is more than 3000 feet above sea level... And I'm going up there for New Years... Dang... it's gonna be cold, and I won't be able to breath. Sounds like an awesome plan. :-p

Oh, and my girlfriend is turning into much more of a planner than she used to be... it's fun watching (or rather, listening to) her go at the calendar and scribble scribble scribble... :-)

Which I should be doing much more of... homework and all that. Meh. Tomorrow is another day, and aside from hanging out with friends for a while for lunch, I think I'll try to get something accomplished.

-Gilligan

Thank God I have a girlfriend

If not, I wouldn't be updating this every day, and I'd be out of the running for NaBloPoMo. :-p

Also, I wouldn't have someone to talk with late at night... or flirt with... or go to Candy Mountain with... Oh, wait. That's later. DANGIT!

Anywho, I love my girlfriend, and she loves me. We were recently talking about how our relationship (of approximately 7 and a half months) has lost its luster, so to say... "It's not shiny anymore." I blame it mostly on the fact that we're talking about serious things most of the times that we do talk, because we don't really have time to talk about frivolous things, since we're FREAKING 1,000 MILES APART! *ughsigh* I want her... rather, I want to be with her... next to her... to see her... Oh!

Speaking of which, she just recently got a laptop with an integrated webcam. Unfortunately, it's an HP pavilion, and she doesn't know if it will work under Linux (of the Ubuntu 7.04 variety), which she promptly installed after receiving it. I think it will, it will just take some finagling... and then I need to get a webcam myself. hmph. Got any ideas? I'm sure my vast readership of 5 might have some ideas... :-p

In any case, I shall sign off, and mention that I myself run Ubuntu 7.10. Go Linux!

-Gilligan

Birthday!

So, it's my birthday in a month... I'll be the big 2-0. Yippee.
Even better, I'll be two weeks away from seeing my love!
Yay!

No blog?

Blog!

I got a speeding ticket tonight.

In other news, I'm stupid.
This news bulletin brought to you by Harford County cops.

The end (of my spotless driving record).

Too much to do

Not enough motivation to do it all... Or rather I'm feeling like a lazy bum. Guess that means I'll just be working more this weekend. As usual. :-\

I really feel... drained. I don't know. Probably because it's nearing the end of the semster, and I'm stuck playing a little bit of catch-up, which is never good, and I'd told myself I wouldn't put myself in this situation again. *sigh* Oh well. Here it goes! See you all in the morning.

Oh Lordy...

Whatever am I to do? Here's little young me... wanting ever so much to be finished school and on to the next stage in life... and also wanting some of that stage to be near. I love Laura... and it hurts. It hurts to be so far away, and to not have the warmth of her smile, the twinkle of her eyes, even the coolness of her tears nearby, that I might partake in their beauty, in her, every bit... Lord thank you for beauty.

I am a wistful soul, torn between father and lover. Sounds like a Shakespeare play, doesn't it? Thank you for wit, Lord.

I want to take charge, to head in a direction and have God lead me on from there. I think that' what I'll do. I just need to pick up the map and go. Well, first I need to draw out a map, make up my mind on a direction, and then go. God help us, please?

As far as directions go, I've got a dozen and one ways to go about it, and none of them match up with either Laura's plans or my dad's plans... They're all (mostly) somewhere in between. Lord help me plan.

The bible says to "commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3, NLT) Well, I'm committing my actions!

Psalm 37 is also rich with guidance...

Psalm 37:3-5 (NLT)

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.

Psalm 37:7 (NLT)

7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Well now... what am I supposed to do but act and pray God leads me on the right path? My plan now is to continue progressing through school, pick out a couple important times and start planning for them. If God doesn't want me to, then He can show me.

Signing off - The Beaver.

Post.

Blegh...

Hello again

Goodness.... we're halfway through the month, and I'm running quickly out of ideas... stories... anecdotes to fill the blathering pages of my withering blog...

Anybody got any ideas? Stories you'd like me to make up? Advice you'd like me to give? I'm almost desperate...

Oh, school. Yeah it's alright. Got a quiz in History coming up on Monday. Fun fun.

I'm still talking with my girlfriend... she's still awesome.

I'm still running Ubuntu on my laptop, and it's working well. I haven't gone back to windows for much of anything... Though I will have to clean everything out eventually.

And life marches on. Sorry tonight isn't much of an update... I'm in a bit of a dry spell. Better luck tomorrow! Leave comments!

Gilligan

Awesome mice

I got myself a new mouse for my laptop. It rocks!
It's small, wireless, and turns itself off after a time of disuse.
And it was only 30 bucks! (I unfortunately missed the $20 rebate by a day)
No, this isn't a product placement, I just don't have much to report on my life today.

I talked with my parents about school and stuff... How I shouldn't multitask while doing homework, and that I shouldn't stay up late on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. *sigh* They have a point.
Grr on graduating late.

Aaand tomorrow I get to have breakfast with Dori! Yay!

So, there's my brief update... Tomorrow is school, so I need to head to bed.

Darn blisters...

Well, it's a known fact: Blisters are annoying. I wish I had a pic, but my camera has gone into hiding, probably anticipating my very thought of taking a picture of the thing on my hand. It actually isn't horrible, it's just a little sore, and should be gone in a month and a half.

Meanwhile, I shall listen to music and ignore the homework I should be doing. No, wait. I guess I'll do some while I wait for my girlfriend to get online.

I do way too much planning. I love it. I'm already thinking about when Laura will come out next August, and I've only just figured out the plane tickets for New Years when I go out to California and meet Laura's family. :-)

It's getting colder outside... currently 35 degrees Fahrenheit... dang. Could be seeing snow in a couple weeks. Oh boy...

Well there you have it, several random thoughts for the day. Wish I had more, but it's late. Maybe I'll blog twice tomorrow, once after church and once at night. Perhaps...

Anywho, Gilligan signing off.

Move to the beat

I enjoy music. Anyone who knows me probably knows this. In fact, I like music so much that I've got more music than I've ever listened to on my hard drive. Actually, most of that stuff consists of albums I've heard one or two tracks from and decided to get the whole album. I think I'll have to go through and delete the stuff I really don't listen to anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, most of it's good, but it just doesn't hold my interest. Also, I'm running out of room. I need to do a full system clean out anyways. Items on that list?

1. Wipe Windows partition, start afresh, possibly in a Virtual machine


2. Increase Ubuntu Partition, or separate home partition


3. Go through and clean out all:


• Documents,


• Videos,


• Pictures, and


• Music


4. Properly tag and organize my music


5. Install native EvE Online client on Ubuntu


6. And maybe even install Kubuntu

Notice the technical nature of all of those? Yes. I am a geek. And sorry ladies, but I'm already taken. :-p And she loves me!

Have a good weekend all, I shall wake up in the early morn (after getting an hour extra sleep) and go to work. The rest of you will have a wonderful Saturday I'm sure.

Gilligan

Phantom Cell Chargers

Have you ever experienced the phenomonon where you lose something, then buy a replacement, and immediately find whatever it was you thought you'd lost? Well, that happened to me yesterday... I had lost my phone charger, and after looking most places I thought it could be... I went out in desperation and got a car charger.... and when I got home, I look in a box in my room, after merely glancing at it and noticing a suspiciously familiar looking wire... what do you know, it's my wall charger! *Doh!*

So, now I have two chargers... one of which I will return once I upgrade my phone in less than a month. *sigh* And of course, they don't have the phone I wanted... they've moved on to the newer model... Oh well. Maybe I can find a cheap one online that they'll activate for me.

Ta till next time,
Gilligan

Blood, Needles, Warts, Ice, Blisters, and pain.

Yesterday was interesting... And yes, it involved everything mentioned in the title, and my Uncle too! I shall expound.

I had a Red Cross blood donation appointment at 12:15, no big deal, get there, read the paper, get pricked (in the finger), get blood pressure tested, get a drink (of orange juice), sit in a chair, rest your arm on one side and hold your drink in the other, and you're ready to go! Well, then there's everything leading up to the needle stick, and the pumping and squeezing of my hand, and then it's all over (in 6 minutes! Hurrah!). Then they take the needle out, put gauze over the puncture wound, have you hold it high for a minute, and bandage you up. Here lies a problem, at least on this particular day. My arm didn't want to stop bleeding! I had to hold my arm up with pressure on it for 30 seconds or more, at least three times. And then she did it for me once or twice until it finally clotted and she could wrap my elbow with no fear of me spilling any of my life force upon the street. Wouldn't want any leaky humans out there... bad rep for the Red Cross. How do they get away with poking people full of holes (ok, it's only one) and then sending them off, seemingly unscathed. Oh, right, the amazing human body. Where was I? Oh, right. Blood. Mmm...

Luckily for me, this nurse knew some tricks, one of which was a bag of ice, which she promptly wrapped on my arm on top of the gauze pad and told me to leave it on there for ten minutes. I did so, and gorged myself on cookies and pretzels while I waited. Fun times. I had a nice chat with one of the volunteers who was working there. She said she'd been doing it for the past 16 years or so... After having retired, and apparently still married. A sweet old lady... had a lazy eye, minorly unnerving, but still nice to listen to and quite friendly. Then I took the ice bag off and left the building, taking my papers, a sticker for my shirt and a calendar reminder (I'm eligible again on 1/1/08! Woot!), as well as two bags of cookies and a bag of pretzels. Yay munchies. What can I say? They had chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and wheel pretzles, I couldn't resist.

Ah yes, then came the wart. This one also involved ice, but in a different sense. I had a dermatology appointment at 2:15, for the removal of one itty bitty wart on my palm. It's been bugging me for a while and I finally told my mom about it. The appointment consisted of me signing in at the front desk, sitting in the office, sitting in the patient room, chatting with the doctor, and getting an area about 4 times the size of the wart frozen by liquid nitrogen from a can. Unpleasant at best. Though I can say that the most pain was felt as all the cells being frozen screamed in horror as they gave up their last... breath?.. of life. Now I've got a nice blister (which of course the doctor warned me about) the size of a pencil eraser on my hand, and an appointment in 7 weeks for a follow-up. She also looked at some moles on my back and scars from moles removed, as well as a few pimples on my head, and said I was a-ok. End of appointment, pay the front desk and be on my way. The co-pay was only $35, so I am very glad for insurance. (Must needs get some o' dat before, or shortly following, marriage.)

So, that's it for the title credits, now for some bonus material. That evening, I went out with my Uncle to chat about life and school and women (one in particular to me), and see how things are going. He gave me a few pointers and tips on how to take better notes in school, edited one of my programs, and encouraged me to have some backup plans if my original plan doesn't work out. I pray that it doesn't, because even though my school schedule is pretty packed from here on out, it looks like I won't be graduated until Fall of '09. Not a bad thing in itself, but, considering other plans I and one other have in mind, it might push things back a little. That will certainly be a point of discussion shortly.

Speaking of which, he gave me several things to consider and focus on in my pursuit of my current relationship and the progression thereof. In short, he said waiting is better, but every situation is unique, so counseling is best no matter what. We need to consider many things and bring them to light before they might become points of division. And yes I'm being vague, because at the current time, those who understand this paragraph are the only ones it matters to. More will be revealed at a later date.

And now that I have reached the end of this post, I shall sign off without further ado.

Thank you all,
Gilligan

Shoot, Y'all

I gotta go to bed... I'll blog in the morning, here's just so I've updated my blog on the 6th day.

Ha! 11 o'clock!

Welcome once again to my humble ablogode... great, I'm making up works now. Did that even make sense?

So, here I am once again, starting my blog entry late at night... though not as late this time. 10:15. Let's see how far I can get.

Anyways, back to the glorious wonderful tale of one lone college student's journey through the day. It started just like any other normal college student's day, sharply at 6:30, no, 6:45, no... just a few minutes longer... 7:10. CRAP! A quick shower and shoving of books into a tattered backpack and I was off. Made it to class on time. No thanks to the commute and parking, though I got a fairly close spot today. Note to self: Small campus is a blessing. Being able to WALK to class and be there within 10 minutes is AWESOME. Having to drive 40 minutes, on a 20 minute commute, because of rush hour, and walk another 7-10 is not. (Let me know if those commas are confusing.)

So, I'm in class on time, the prof is 5 minutes late as usual. As he sets up his folder of notes, he "reminds" us that there will be a quiz on Wednesday. On the notes from last week, and the book we're supposed to be finishing shortly. One thing he must surely have forgotten was that I got up too late to get to class on Wednesday AND Friday of last week. 8 AM class... Sorry. :-/ Oh, and that book we're supposed to have read? I haven't even cracked the cover. I need to find it before tomorrow... and I've got a blood donation appointment, a dermatology appointment, and a meeting with my Uncle tomorrow. Lots of time for reading... Yeah right.

So, tomorrow's shot. Oh, and I need to drop off some papers at work tomorrow before 11 as well. Double shot. And not the espresso kind either. I highly dislike coffee. Unless it's merely a flavoring. Moving on.

Hmm... so, after class, I asked the dedicated note-taker for the notes from the classes I missed, so I'll get those before class on Wednesday. Which means I'll have to leave half an hour earlier than usual, which means 6:30. Which means actually getting up at 6, showering, dressing, and getting out the door at 6:30. Quite a feat. I'll have to go to bed at 10. Eeesh... Sleep at 10. Means I probably won't get to talk to my girlfriend that night. Poo. AND I still haven't found my cell phone charger.

Yeah, I lost my cell phone charger, and my phone is dead. Has been since Saturday. Not fun. Need to get another possibly without spending a fortune... and I'm eligible for an upgrade next month (I DEFINITELY want one). Figures.

Well, looks like I got a good two paragraphs in, so I think I'll stop for now. The rest of my day was kind of bland, and it'd take way too long to describe it all. Have a good night people!

-Gilligan, Gorilla of the night.

Greetings once again!

Ok, hey there. Here I am... 11 o'clock again... At least this time I was working on homework. And talking to friends. And watching Dane Cook videos. And Diggnation episodes... Ok, so homework was a tertiary activity... but I'm working on it!

I don't have any major projects, except for one presentation... online... for Computer Information Systems... Luckily it's just a powerpoint due before the beginning of class, and it's at 12:30pm. So, I've got at least 4 hours to work on this thing.

And less than 15 minutes to finish this one. Drat. Got distracted by my girlfriend. Oh well. Not complaining. :-)

Well, looks like today is especially boring. Kind of like this morning's church service. (Sorry Pastor Don, but your voice is so soothing... I nodded off a few times, luckily my mom was there to tug on my hair to keep me mostly awake.)

And that's me. On Sunday. Have a good week!
-Gilligan

Randomosity of Life

Ok, so, I'm in this one blog post a day for a month thing and goshdangit if I don't start procrastinating... Starting at 11:30ish... Alright, we'll see how it goes.

Turns out the guys at my work are participating in the Novel-in-a-Month thing (NaNoWriMo for the uninitiated) that inspired this activity, which I thought was kind of cool, and unrelated, since I got my inspiration from RachelSkirts. (You go girl!)

Today was a good day at work, life went smoothly, and there were many (paying) customers.

In other news, I have an online presentation due in Computer Information Systems on Monday that I need to pick the topic for... It has to be a new technology or an innovative use of existing technology that will help change business or improve it somehow. There are already a bunch of topics chosen, so if you tech-savvy ones out there could lend me a hand and toss out some ideas, I wouldn't mind it one bit.

Heehee... I've had a good hearty chuckle in my time, but this one strikes home pretty well. :-)
If you want to see why the LeTourneau Campus makes fun of the LETU Security, this is a prime example: http://letu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2008894&id=159101477


Ok, so there you have it, a fairly random selection of highlights from my day. Oh, one last thing... My car won't start. Again. It's got enough to turn on the headlights, radio, dome light, etc, but not enough for the starter to turn the engine. All it does is click repeatedly when I turn the key. :-/ So it's still at work, I got my Cousin/Manager to drive me home. Please pray for the car, that it would be repaired easily (such as replacing the battery) and/or inexpensively.

Gilligan, signing off
(perhaps I should use better links, or fewer... they seem to be getting simply gratuitous.)

NaBloPoMo?

Ok, so apparently November is National Blog Posting Month... Which I just found out about through Rachelskirts, and unfortunately, I've almost missed the first day. :-/ Oh well. I said I'd kick up my blogging pace a bit, so, here's an excellent opportunity. I guess I'll make up for it by posting really early in the morning. This morning, in fact.

Well let's see, where shall I start? Well today I found a stack of about 5 burned CDs in the center console of my car, just begging to be played, so I obliged. I stuck the first one in... and after a few seconds of reading, the player spat it out. "Ew... this one has no flava!" it seemed to say. So, I set that one on the passengers seat along with my hoodie and a stack of school books, which are there for the simple reason that I am lazy and didn't put them in the bookbag. Anywho, back to the CD's.

I stuck the next one in, and lo and behold, it began to play! I believe this one was labeled (oh so professionally; with a sharpie, thin tip) "Christmas", so I wasn't too surprised to hear Christmas music. I suppose it's appropriate to start thinking about Christmas music on the first day of the month before... right? Well, I'm not sure if it's music from the Broadway Christmas Spectacular Shindig... (real name obscured to protect the innocent, and cause I'm too tired to remember it or look it up) but it sure could be.

And the rest of the day has gone quite smoothly. Hope your's has too. More from my life as an average Gilligan later. ;-)

-Gilligan, you're trusty... wait, no, that doesn't work.
-Gilligan, you're sometimes blogging, but now more often, friend or acquaintance.
(Love that Firefox 2.0 inline spell check feature!)

Life in Stop-Motion

So, I should blog now, right?

Recently, I went to Texas to see my beautiful girlkittehfriend, who has been invisible for quite some time now. I heard her lovely lady voice lilting through the landlines (Well, cell phones and ethernet and WiFi... :-P), but I got to see her and hold her and kiss her and be with her a week ago for about 3 days. It was nice, very nice.

Edit: Oh, and BIG BIG news! SHE LOVES ME!!! Can't believe that slipped my mind last night... What can you expect at 12:30 in the morning? I just want to be with her... :-) But yeah, she really LOVES me... Amazing, no? *happy sigh* I'm glad we've liked each other for a while... I want to be her best friend AND her lover. What? you didn't know? I love her too. :-D We match!

In the course of those three days, I gave her a shiny ring, signifying my commitment to pursue her and the relationship to (and through) engagement and, eventually, marriage. This is a big step, and we're not quite sure how exactly we got there, but here we are, and this looks good. We really fit with each other very very well. It's amazing, and I give God the credit for that match. I pray he holds us together throughout our whole relationship.

Speaking of God, I really do need to keep talking to him more often. I'm reaching the end of my goal to read the entire Bible front to back, and after that I'm gonna pick up a devotional with assorted scriptures and possibly an exhortation for each day, maybe even read Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening". There's a copy in the bathroom.

Oh, other books I "need" to read... "Guiding the relationship" books, "Pursuing marriage" books... "Raising kids" books... though I hope that knowledge isn't employed for a good long while... eessh...

On another note, the girlfriend is getting a laptop, and guess what the first thing she's doing with it is? Installing Ubuntu! Huzzah! She's awesome. She's got a Mac Mini, and is getting an awesome laptop for cheap (at my recommendation) and sticking Linux on it! :-) I is a happy nerd boyfriend.

And speaking of nerdness... well, moreso laziness... I've got a program due tomorrow at 5pm that I'm not finished, but all that I have finished works! (Yay modular testing!) So I have to write the UI tomorrow, and a web page for Computer Information Systems. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

Let's see. Anything else exciting happen recently? Hmm... Well if I think of any (or I get poked with more sticks) I'll try and write them down for you.

That's all folks!
-Gilligan

But I don't want to fall 20 feet down...

So it seems gravity has a fondness for me... Luckily I've been able to resist it's grasp so far. First, on Monday, I nearly tripped down a flight of about 10 concrete steps on campus. (Yes, in Maryland, we have many steps... that's because our land is not all flat.) And today, I had to climb up a 24 foot ladder to cut down some overhanging branches and nail in some siding trim. That was fun an interesting experience.

On Tuesday, well, I didn't do much, except I did turn in my first programming assignment. I'll need to get cracking on the next one, it's due the 29th. Wednesday... I had three midterms. We'll see how those went tomorrow. I feel alright about them. The accounting one... probably a low B/high C. The CIS one... about the same, maybe a little lower. The Data Structures one... Probably a solid C. (I'm hoping low, so I'll more likely be pleasantly surprised when I see the results.)

Anywho... Things have gone well since then, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were work. I was late once more, on Friday. (Three down, two to go. :-( I really hope there isn't even one more. I've got two months...) Now, it's sunday yet again, and I've got ONE WEEK till I see Laura again! Woot! Now for today, I'm working on homework, then I'll be installing some ballasts for ceiling lights in the store, and then I'll be eating dinner, working on more homework, and falling asleep... And of course in between I'll probably be talking with Laura, keeping her on track of her homework.

As far as this week goes... it'll be a week of homework, packing, and high anticipation.

Now, for some food, and it's off to ballast fixing! (And quick money, too!) Oh, did I mention I'm getting paid to fix the ballasts? Not much, only $10 per ballast (there are three), but it'll be nice.

Things come and go.

Like my memory.

See, if I wasn't nagged by my (wonderful, caring, beautiful) girlfriend, I'd update my blog even more rarely, or have lots of one-paragraph blogs. Meh. Here's an update!

So, school's going... and I'm falling behind. Not good. Tomorrow I'll do better, do more.
I need to pay my dad for Cell phone and car bills for this month and next, oh joy of joys, and I need to finally give my tithe checks to the church... and write another. I'm like three months behind... eek. Sorry God.

In 20 days, I get to see my girlfriend. YAY!!! :-D (Much rejoicing) We're going to hang out and do nothing and everything, except each other. Packing 5 months (out of 6) of dating into three days of togetherness is gonna be real tough, but I think we can squeeze in the highlights. :-) Gotta work on bringing down the 5:1 ratio though... :-/

I'm still working... yay work. I'm lacking motivation, but, things are still getting done. Don't have to go back till Thursday, yay. :-p (It's a good job for sure.)

Oh, and lots and lots of planning has been going on lately... I'm so excited... 1.5 years... at minimum. At least it's better than 7.

Well, here's me signing off until another spark of inspiration hits me.

Gilligan(6 Months!)

Welcome back to my blog, y'all!

Yeesh... I really haven't been on here is a while. Two weeks, that's an eternity in Blog-time.
A few bullet points to get people up to speed:

• I've started school, gotten through the first week (all 5 classes. Yay MW(F) schedule!)


• I've gone through another contemplative period with my girlfriend, we decided to curb the phone and IM talking and restrict ourselves to letters and email (well, mostly email) for two weeks, to get in the groove for school. One thing I'm sure of is I'm really glad we're talking on the phone again. :-) The groove is still grooving.


• I'm looking forward to October immensely! Two exciting things happen in October:


1. I get to see my girlfriend (and other friends) at LeTourneau!


2. Ubuntu 7.10 comes out!


• Did I mention I get to see Laura in October?!?! :-D


• Also, things with work have been straightened out to a degree... after a bit of back and forth and thinking things had been set, my schedule is now four hours on Thursday, eight hours on Friday, and ten hours on Saturday.

School is looking good so far. I've got a lot of work ahead of me this semester, gotta stay focused. I have today and tomorrow to get ahead in reading and stuff, which I've already done for History and Info Systems, but I'll need to get cracking on Accounting and Data Structures... those will be my harder courses this semester. Yuk. Luckily, the Data Structures prof seems good. Most of the programs we'll be writing won't need much more than a simple code editor, which I am very glad for. Accounting will be... accounting. Lots of numbers and balance sheets and cash flow charts and argh... I need to keep track of my own money!

Laura and I are doing quite well considering we've been apart for nearly 4 months... wow. I get to see her in 48 days! That's one month, two weeks, and four days! :-) Just need to buy that ticket, as soon as I let her dad know. :-/ Gotta call him tonight.

Where was I? Oh right.

With all this great academic progression stuff going on, I'll still want to make time for stuff like installing Ubuntu on my lappy, and reinstalling Windows... Oh the horrors, I know. Eventually the plan is to be running only Linux, with any windows only programs I need running in Wine, and if I really need it, Windows in a Virtual Machine. That'll be awesome. First though, must come the great cleaning of disk space. my C: drive has become quite congested, since I allocated 20 gigs for Windows, and all my documents and data on another partition. Step one: catalog all the programs I've installed and want to keep. Step two: Archive all important data and media. Step three: repartition the drives. Step four: uninstall and reinstall Windows, then install Ubuntu or Kubuntu (Linux) I'll have to see if the latest Ubuntu live CD will give me wireless, and I might just install both and see which one I like better. Problem is, they're both good. I can't wait for KDE 4 though... that'll be a while. Eek! I've regressed to my geeky ways! Haha! Revel in my geekiness!

Anyways, things are going well so far, and as long as I stay productive, I'll be alright. And now that I'm doing alright, I'm praying to God that He'll guide me through this year and give me the strength that I need. I have a tendency to try to do things on my own, and that generally doesn't end up so well. Now, I'm going off to do some homework. Yay productivity.

Gilligan - Signing off.