This is personal.
She's not mine, Lord. She is Yours.
She was never mine, and how I've been the fool.
Thinking I could own things, thinking I knew.
Grasping on to hope apart from you.
I tried to hold on to that from which I wanted love,
Planning things out without thinking from above.
Thinking I deserved her, thinking she deserved me.
What could I do? What could I say?
Humans are fragile, humans are frail.
We are precious, and only you can tell
What we really need, who we really are.
Without you behind me I am empty, lost beyond words.
Only with you can I be the man I should be.
The man I need to be. Not just for her, but for me.
Not just for me, but for You. Because you love me.
Help me love you, Lord, as only you can.
Grow me from this misery,
Push me through this pain.
Kill this jealousy, grow your kindness.
Make me a better person through it all.
I pray not only for myself, but for her as well.
I thank you for the kind heart you have given her.
I pray that I may not have wounded it more than You can heal.
I know that You can.
Take me at my word, for I am worth not much more.
Speak your words of Life, Hope, Courage and Strength.
Humility, Power, Meekness and Wisdom.
I need You. I need Your love.
I need Your comfort. I need Your guidance.
More than anything else, I need You.
I Use Firefox!
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Statistically significant
HAHAHAHA!!! This is my exact method for determining whether or not someone is "together", whether or not it's official. :-p (Ok, maybe not totally exactly, but it's the whole "Normal friends don't spend that much time with each other." bit. ;-) Of course, if one doesn't get out much anyways, it can throw off your numbers. Oh well.)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Song Lyrics Soothe the Soul
Miserable Exaggeration
by John Reuben
Inconsistent my feelings change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I'm thinking
Inconsistent I don't have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it's left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I'd rather swallow my pride than spit it out
(Chorus)
What a miserable exaggeration
Happier said than done
What a wasted conversation
In my head everyone was listening
Everyone was interested
Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That's why I have to let my pride interfere
I'll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don't worry
That's just me dialogging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio's grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise
(Chorus)
It's that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I've been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It's as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It's best to just do what you feel in the end
But you'll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you're living in becomes bigger than you
(Chorus x2)
The last verse is what gets me... I've been getting better at committing to a thought process once I've thought about it for a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately the most important commitment in my life recently has been made too late, so I have to let go and let God deal with me and life... again and again.
Patience: I had it, but then I lost it for this... jealousy. Darn that stupid selfish nature.
Pray that I can let go, live my own life, and let God take care of the details.
-Gilligan (one day at a time)
by John Reuben
Inconsistent my feelings change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I'm thinking
Inconsistent I don't have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it's left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I'd rather swallow my pride than spit it out
(Chorus)
What a miserable exaggeration
Happier said than done
What a wasted conversation
In my head everyone was listening
Everyone was interested
Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That's why I have to let my pride interfere
I'll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don't worry
That's just me dialogging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio's grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise
(Chorus)
It's that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I've been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It's as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It's best to just do what you feel in the end
But you'll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you're living in becomes bigger than you
(Chorus x2)
The last verse is what gets me... I've been getting better at committing to a thought process once I've thought about it for a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately the most important commitment in my life recently has been made too late, so I have to let go and let God deal with me and life... again and again.
Patience: I had it, but then I lost it for this... jealousy. Darn that stupid selfish nature.
Pray that I can let go, live my own life, and let God take care of the details.
-Gilligan (one day at a time)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Life is too complicated.
I want to give up, really I do. Not on life, but on the whole relationship thing... maybe. But I don't really... I want the love and the affection, just not the mistrust and the bickering and the fighting... I want to go back in time and fix my mistakes... but then that would just postpone them, right? I don't think so, if I went back with the knowledge I have now. 9th grade might be a good starting place. I'd do well in high school, get all A's, come to LeTourneau, get an honor's scholarship, keep a 4.0 GPA (or at least a 3.0), hang out with all my friends, try not to creep them out as I got to know them again... make better decisions with the relationships I make (Not lose any, but make them better than they are now), and be more assertive with what I want or don't want, or like or dislike, and such and such.
Life would be different if I had God-like powers, but I don't, and probably for good reason... somewhere.
God, teach me to be assertive. Lead me through the path to great leadership. Instruct me to rest in you... and get your Holy Spirit to get me to listen. :-/ Help me not to grab or take by force things that shouldn't be mine, and give me grace when I fail at doing the right thing. Give others grace to deal with me as well. I thank you for the grace you've given so far... it's been good.
Stephen *tripping*
Life would be different if I had God-like powers, but I don't, and probably for good reason... somewhere.
God, teach me to be assertive. Lead me through the path to great leadership. Instruct me to rest in you... and get your Holy Spirit to get me to listen. :-/ Help me not to grab or take by force things that shouldn't be mine, and give me grace when I fail at doing the right thing. Give others grace to deal with me as well. I thank you for the grace you've given so far... it's been good.
Stephen *tripping*
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Birthday times!
So, it was my birthday today... er, yesterday, by now. I'm now officially 21, and my sister is 17 and a half... both kinda scary thoughts. I can now legally drink intoxicating beverages and my sister is only 6 months away from being able to get a credit card. *shudders* Ooh the responsibility.
What have I done today? Not too much, actually. I woke up around 11:30ish I think, then got up a while later and took a shower before getting dressed and ready for the day. My mom and I went to Goodwill and bought some new (old) pants, which I thought were pretty spiffy. Consignment shops are tomorrow, because I woke up too late to get much done. Then I went home while Mom did some picking up of siblings and other errandy-stuff, and then we went out to get out family Christmas pictures taken. The actual picture taking part went just as smooth as can be, but the paying-for part with special-coupons-that-are-printed-on-the-same-card-but-not-combinable part was not so fun for my mom, but I'm sure her gray hairs welcomed a few newcomers to the fold.
Then we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant called Bacoli Delight, down in Essex. It was pretty dang good for a small establishment such as it was. I had Veal Chesapeake, which included Veal Medallions, crab, and large shrimp over fettuccine and covered in some sort of sauce... I forget what it was called, but it was goood... I've still got some left over in the fridge.
I got my birthday gift from my parents, which was a box with a bunch of small items I'd asked for on my wishlists this year. I'd honestly forgotten about that and was genuinely pleased when I got the stuffs, and then Dad made the remark "Isn't it great you got all this stuff you really wanted?" (or something similar), at which point I thought "Oh yeah! I did have a wishlist for presents and stuff. Sweet!" Of course, I was still just as thankful, and I think I'll keep the wishlist around for future years, though I won't be in college much longer to take advantage of it, just one more birthday, and I'll be graduating then. More presents! Yay! :-p
Afterwards we came home and had some light conversation over great cake that my mom made herself (*applauds*) before plopping down in front of our respective screens, me catching up on some video podcasts I'd stopped watching while at school (darn bandwidth cap), and my brother watching some cool shows on the Discovery channel. Now it's getting late and I'll probably go to bed in a few moments, so I just want to thank all of you who wished me a happy birthday today. I appreciate it.
-Gilligan
What have I done today? Not too much, actually. I woke up around 11:30ish I think, then got up a while later and took a shower before getting dressed and ready for the day. My mom and I went to Goodwill and bought some new (old) pants, which I thought were pretty spiffy. Consignment shops are tomorrow, because I woke up too late to get much done. Then I went home while Mom did some picking up of siblings and other errandy-stuff, and then we went out to get out family Christmas pictures taken. The actual picture taking part went just as smooth as can be, but the paying-for part with special-coupons-that-are-printed-on-the-same-card-but-not-combinable part was not so fun for my mom, but I'm sure her gray hairs welcomed a few newcomers to the fold.
Then we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant called Bacoli Delight, down in Essex. It was pretty dang good for a small establishment such as it was. I had Veal Chesapeake, which included Veal Medallions, crab, and large shrimp over fettuccine and covered in some sort of sauce... I forget what it was called, but it was goood... I've still got some left over in the fridge.
I got my birthday gift from my parents, which was a box with a bunch of small items I'd asked for on my wishlists this year. I'd honestly forgotten about that and was genuinely pleased when I got the stuffs, and then Dad made the remark "Isn't it great you got all this stuff you really wanted?" (or something similar), at which point I thought "Oh yeah! I did have a wishlist for presents and stuff. Sweet!" Of course, I was still just as thankful, and I think I'll keep the wishlist around for future years, though I won't be in college much longer to take advantage of it, just one more birthday, and I'll be graduating then. More presents! Yay! :-p
Afterwards we came home and had some light conversation over great cake that my mom made herself (*applauds*) before plopping down in front of our respective screens, me catching up on some video podcasts I'd stopped watching while at school (darn bandwidth cap), and my brother watching some cool shows on the Discovery channel. Now it's getting late and I'll probably go to bed in a few moments, so I just want to thank all of you who wished me a happy birthday today. I appreciate it.
-Gilligan
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Even MORE thoughts from Relient K
If you haven't guessed by now, I like Relient K's music.
"Come Right Out And Say It"
I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable
[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear
I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up
[Chorus]
And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking
Also,
Life's tough.
Leaders push through the difficulty.
Good leaders do it on their own.
Better leaders don't.
The best leaders take their direction from God.
"Come Right Out And Say It"
I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable
[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear
I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up
[Chorus]
And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking
Also,
Life's tough.
Leaders push through the difficulty.
Good leaders do it on their own.
Better leaders don't.
The best leaders take their direction from God.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, it's that time of year again... Time for all of the US to spend as much as they can, saving a bunch that they would have spent otherwise, and will still spend anyways. :-p I however, have spent too much this fall, and thus didn't participate in this year's camp-out in front of Best Buy, Target, and Radio Shack. But oh well. I've got a 16 GB flash drive waiting for me when I get back from break.
Right now I'm sitting on the couch in roughly the same position I've been in since 11 this morning. :-) I've been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Deb, Dano's older sister, down in Austin for the whole break. I'm also torrenting the whole series so I won't have to be stuck in the sofa for the rest of the weekend. :-p I've seen some of the episodes so I can skip those, and also, my computer has PAUSE. :-) Very important.
In other news, I'm still plodding along in my life and studies... and relationships. :-/ Unfortunately, hanging around Laura, she gets jealous of EVERY new female I come in contact with. I know it's just jealousy... and I'm happy for her being with Andrew, she's trying to be good, even though she fails sometimes too. I'm trying to help her with that but nobody's perfect.
Of course, she may have a reason to be jealous, because there are girls that I think would be good candidates for pursuit, (though putting it that way makes it sound like a game or a business venture, it's not that at all.) I'm just not dating anyone and don't plan to for a while (The semester's end is near, but the future is unclear as usual.) *sigh* God help me, please.
On a final note, seeing the SAME 15 commercials OVER and OVER and OVER all day long... is really freaking annoying. However, I do get multiple chances to pick out every single detail. My sarcasm muscles are getting an excellent workout.
That's all for now I suppose, I can't wait for Christmas break, but I need to prepare for the summer and other stuff in the future. Yay planning. :-/
-Gilligan
Right now I'm sitting on the couch in roughly the same position I've been in since 11 this morning. :-) I've been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Deb, Dano's older sister, down in Austin for the whole break. I'm also torrenting the whole series so I won't have to be stuck in the sofa for the rest of the weekend. :-p I've seen some of the episodes so I can skip those, and also, my computer has PAUSE. :-) Very important.
In other news, I'm still plodding along in my life and studies... and relationships. :-/ Unfortunately, hanging around Laura, she gets jealous of EVERY new female I come in contact with. I know it's just jealousy... and I'm happy for her being with Andrew, she's trying to be good, even though she fails sometimes too. I'm trying to help her with that but nobody's perfect.
Of course, she may have a reason to be jealous, because there are girls that I think would be good candidates for pursuit, (though putting it that way makes it sound like a game or a business venture, it's not that at all.) I'm just not dating anyone and don't plan to for a while (The semester's end is near, but the future is unclear as usual.) *sigh* God help me, please.
On a final note, seeing the SAME 15 commercials OVER and OVER and OVER all day long... is really freaking annoying. However, I do get multiple chances to pick out every single detail. My sarcasm muscles are getting an excellent workout.
That's all for now I suppose, I can't wait for Christmas break, but I need to prepare for the summer and other stuff in the future. Yay planning. :-/
-Gilligan
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Woah... long time.
So, long time no blog... dang. more than a month.
Well then, let's see... what has happened since September 28th? hmm... well, to put it mildly, lots. I've had 3 Business Law tests, 2 Networks tests, 3 Financial Management tests (two of which I finished late... darn take-homes), one Managerial Accounting test (a midterm) and a few case studies, and a Database test or two. I have not done the two or three Programming assignments for Networks, nor have I completed all of the SQL exercises for Databases. I have seen one play/production at the school, Tomas' Kubinek... lunatic extraordinaire or something like that. I'm passing 4 out of 5 classes with A's as of midterms (really need to get on those programming assignments...) and I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving break. :-D Whew. that's a lot of school.
As far as life in general goes, I'm doing pretty good I suppose. A few major hiccups in the general routine here and there, but so far it's been fairly smooth. I've rediscovered the amazing results that not-procrastinating can do, namely: things get done! Incredible, I know.
In the realm of relationships, things have been tipsy-turvy emotionally, but outwardly they've been pretty darn smooth. The ex is now dating someone, so I'm glad for that. There was still the possibility we might get back together, but that was putting a big strain on me, possibly my own fault, 'cause I've set a deadline of the spring for a yes or no on that... things can't really flow naturally when you put a deadline on relational decisions... Speaking of which, there was a major bump in the road... and I mean REALLY major... like life decisions flashing before my eyes (almost literally, in fact) back in the middle of October... I did get back together with Laura, but then reason got the better of me and I broke it off 26 hours later... because I'd made a promise not to date at all this semester. :-/ In the end, I realize it was a rash decision, but I'm pretty sure I would have been pleased with the results, but I'm still good this way, and I think it might be better.
I'm looking out for new friends to hang out with, and still keeping in touch with the ones I love, namely Dano and Laura, my two best friends. I hope to carry their relationships with me until the day I die.
Speaking of new relationships, I'm also looking for a mentor to help guide me through life a little bit, someone whose brain I can pick every so often about questions I've got about this or that. Still haven't found one, but I haven't been looking extremely hard either. I've emailed one guy, my RD's husband, but he hasn't responded, so I'm questioning whether I sent it to the wrong email address... I'll probably just go down and knock on their door once I'm done writing this.
Another thing that happened was the (bi?)annual Career Fair hosted by LeTourneau... which gave me a few contacts for internships and co-ops for this summer. I'm hoping to get paid, but there's an opportunity through Gospel for Asia that seems really intriguing and something I'm quite interested in. It's a small operation managing their administration, so I'd get to wear a lot of hats, managing a network, databases, help desk, even some web development, front and back end stuffs... so all in all it'll give me a bigger taste of real-world problems and hopefully set me off in the right direction for the rest of my career, which might even be with them for a long while.
A last word of wisdom, from me to you, and advice for us both:
We've all got some growing to do. The one person to stick your life together with is not someone that is perfect (aside from Jesus, no one is), but someone that is committed to improvement, and continual devotion to Christ, the supreme ruler and example for us all. :-) So don't try to be perfect, but strive for it daily, and don't get discouraged when you fail. We all do, and God loves us anyways.
Well then, let's see... what has happened since September 28th? hmm... well, to put it mildly, lots. I've had 3 Business Law tests, 2 Networks tests, 3 Financial Management tests (two of which I finished late... darn take-homes), one Managerial Accounting test (a midterm) and a few case studies, and a Database test or two. I have not done the two or three Programming assignments for Networks, nor have I completed all of the SQL exercises for Databases. I have seen one play/production at the school, Tomas' Kubinek... lunatic extraordinaire or something like that. I'm passing 4 out of 5 classes with A's as of midterms (really need to get on those programming assignments...) and I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving break. :-D Whew. that's a lot of school.
As far as life in general goes, I'm doing pretty good I suppose. A few major hiccups in the general routine here and there, but so far it's been fairly smooth. I've rediscovered the amazing results that not-procrastinating can do, namely: things get done! Incredible, I know.
In the realm of relationships, things have been tipsy-turvy emotionally, but outwardly they've been pretty darn smooth. The ex is now dating someone, so I'm glad for that. There was still the possibility we might get back together, but that was putting a big strain on me, possibly my own fault, 'cause I've set a deadline of the spring for a yes or no on that... things can't really flow naturally when you put a deadline on relational decisions... Speaking of which, there was a major bump in the road... and I mean REALLY major... like life decisions flashing before my eyes (almost literally, in fact) back in the middle of October... I did get back together with Laura, but then reason got the better of me and I broke it off 26 hours later... because I'd made a promise not to date at all this semester. :-/ In the end, I realize it was a rash decision, but I'm pretty sure I would have been pleased with the results, but I'm still good this way, and I think it might be better.
I'm looking out for new friends to hang out with, and still keeping in touch with the ones I love, namely Dano and Laura, my two best friends. I hope to carry their relationships with me until the day I die.
Speaking of new relationships, I'm also looking for a mentor to help guide me through life a little bit, someone whose brain I can pick every so often about questions I've got about this or that. Still haven't found one, but I haven't been looking extremely hard either. I've emailed one guy, my RD's husband, but he hasn't responded, so I'm questioning whether I sent it to the wrong email address... I'll probably just go down and knock on their door once I'm done writing this.
Another thing that happened was the (bi?)annual Career Fair hosted by LeTourneau... which gave me a few contacts for internships and co-ops for this summer. I'm hoping to get paid, but there's an opportunity through Gospel for Asia that seems really intriguing and something I'm quite interested in. It's a small operation managing their administration, so I'd get to wear a lot of hats, managing a network, databases, help desk, even some web development, front and back end stuffs... so all in all it'll give me a bigger taste of real-world problems and hopefully set me off in the right direction for the rest of my career, which might even be with them for a long while.
A last word of wisdom, from me to you, and advice for us both:
We've all got some growing to do. The one person to stick your life together with is not someone that is perfect (aside from Jesus, no one is), but someone that is committed to improvement, and continual devotion to Christ, the supreme ruler and example for us all. :-) So don't try to be perfect, but strive for it daily, and don't get discouraged when you fail. We all do, and God loves us anyways.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
More Thoughts from Relient K
Nothing Without You
Relient K
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll deliver what's expected of me
Let's make believe we're all okay
Or better yet pretend
We're doing better
Than we've ever been
I think it's safe to say
That we've forgotten what regret's worth
Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance
We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Unmask ourselves
And we'll find...
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)
I've given up on acting
Like I'm perfect
I advise you all
To do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced
To feeling ashamed
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back
As soon as God lets me
Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance
We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Cause when we try it alone
Then we find...
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)
(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)
You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)
(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)
Relient K
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll deliver what's expected of me
Let's make believe we're all okay
Or better yet pretend
We're doing better
Than we've ever been
I think it's safe to say
That we've forgotten what regret's worth
Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance
We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Unmask ourselves
And we'll find...
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)
I've given up on acting
Like I'm perfect
I advise you all
To do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced
To feeling ashamed
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back
As soon as God lets me
Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance
We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Cause when we try it alone
Then we find...
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)
(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)
You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)
(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Deodorant and God
So, I changed my deodorant a little while ago, and thought nothing of it.
Then yesterday I was poking around Digg, and came across GoodGuide.com, a new site designed to help you make good choices when buying products, so that you can support companies and products that are good for the environment and good for you.
I was poking around and clicking on random categories, and one of the first I went to was Men's deodorant, cause every guy needs deodorant, right? (Answer: YES.) As it turns out, my new deodorant choice, Degree Clean Slate, was one of the top rated deodorants there. This is a good thing. :-)
That got me thinking metaphorically, (because really, what doesn't?) and I thought about how much of a jerk I've been recently (Amazingly enough a sinful human like myself CAN be completely self-centered and blinded by false passions... who knew?), and how God has given, or is willing to give me a clean slate as long as I'm willing to turn everything over to Him, again. It really stinks when you realize that your plan for things really won't turn out that great for anyone involved. That's when I have to simply throw my hands up and say "It's all yours, God! It never was mine in the first place. Forgive me for being selfish and screwing things up. Help me to follow you, and mend my mistakes as only You can. Thank you for teaching me through this, and give me your strength and wisdom that I might not sin against you and others in the future."
Now that I've done that... I need to make sure to keep it in God's hands, and to try and follow His will, wherever that may lead my life.
Then yesterday I was poking around Digg, and came across GoodGuide.com, a new site designed to help you make good choices when buying products, so that you can support companies and products that are good for the environment and good for you.
I was poking around and clicking on random categories, and one of the first I went to was Men's deodorant, cause every guy needs deodorant, right? (Answer: YES.) As it turns out, my new deodorant choice, Degree Clean Slate, was one of the top rated deodorants there. This is a good thing. :-)
That got me thinking metaphorically, (because really, what doesn't?) and I thought about how much of a jerk I've been recently (Amazingly enough a sinful human like myself CAN be completely self-centered and blinded by false passions... who knew?), and how God has given, or is willing to give me a clean slate as long as I'm willing to turn everything over to Him, again. It really stinks when you realize that your plan for things really won't turn out that great for anyone involved. That's when I have to simply throw my hands up and say "It's all yours, God! It never was mine in the first place. Forgive me for being selfish and screwing things up. Help me to follow you, and mend my mistakes as only You can. Thank you for teaching me through this, and give me your strength and wisdom that I might not sin against you and others in the future."
Now that I've done that... I need to make sure to keep it in God's hands, and to try and follow His will, wherever that may lead my life.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Pictures = Words*1000
I stole this idea from Teal, who stole it from someone else. It's a fun and thought-provoking project, and I love the way the images flow together.
So here goes. The rules were:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose 3 columns with 4 rows.
The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your favorite animal.
And this is the result:
1) First name is Stephen, and that's a picture of St. Stephen's something-or-other.
2) Favorite food is Italian. Maybe it wasn't fair to choose an entire genre, but I like all food in general, so it's tough to pick.
3) High school was Redeemer Classical Christian School, but that didn't bring anything up, nor did "Redeemer Classical Christian". "Redeemer Classical" finally brought up this picture of a statue.
4) My favorite color is black I suppose, cause it absorbs every color. I have no idea how that picture is related.
5) I used to have a crush on the Olson twins, so I searched for olson twins.. and this is what came up. :-p
6) CHAI! 'Nough said. Not so sure about the book though. Never heard of it.
7) Dream vacation is a world cruise, so a search brought up the world's largest cruise ship, which would be awesome as well.
8) I like all desserts, so I typed in dessert, and that looks pretty tasty, I must say.
9) I want to work in home networking and automation, and this diagram of a "Smart Home" pretty much fits it well.
10) I love (or am trying to) love God first and foremost... so this "Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club" fits, right?
11) I can definitely describe myself as a beaver. If you don't know the animal personality types, check out this blog.
12) My favorite animals are definitely cats. Big cats are awesome, but house cats rock too.
So here goes. The rules were:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose 3 columns with 4 rows.
The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your favorite animal.
And this is the result:
1. Saint Stephen's Basilica, 2. Italian food., 3. Jesus, sculpted by Bertel Thorvaldsen, 4. DIY: Black Straws Snoot Grid_001, 5. An Olsen Twin??!??....ackkkkkk!!!, 6. Chai (Tea) and Moth Smoke..., 7. World's Largest Cruise Ship III, 8. An Enticing Array of Toothsome Dessert..., 9. Smart home, 10. Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club, 11. Beavers Breakfast, 12. Cute cat
1) First name is Stephen, and that's a picture of St. Stephen's something-or-other.
2) Favorite food is Italian. Maybe it wasn't fair to choose an entire genre, but I like all food in general, so it's tough to pick.
3) High school was Redeemer Classical Christian School, but that didn't bring anything up, nor did "Redeemer Classical Christian". "Redeemer Classical" finally brought up this picture of a statue.
4) My favorite color is black I suppose, cause it absorbs every color. I have no idea how that picture is related.
5) I used to have a crush on the Olson twins, so I searched for olson twins.. and this is what came up. :-p
6) CHAI! 'Nough said. Not so sure about the book though. Never heard of it.
7) Dream vacation is a world cruise, so a search brought up the world's largest cruise ship, which would be awesome as well.
8) I like all desserts, so I typed in dessert, and that looks pretty tasty, I must say.
9) I want to work in home networking and automation, and this diagram of a "Smart Home" pretty much fits it well.
10) I love (or am trying to) love God first and foremost... so this "Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club" fits, right?
11) I can definitely describe myself as a beaver. If you don't know the animal personality types, check out this blog.
12) My favorite animals are definitely cats. Big cats are awesome, but house cats rock too.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Thoughts from Relient K
I don't like the steps I took
To get to look
Into your deepest feelings
And I don't like the place I'm in
Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling
Cause if I'm restless then why do I
I want nothing but to rest my soul
And I don't get this and I know why
You see sometimes things are just beyond control
But I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
I'm not surprised to find that you do
I know you do
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die too
Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which direction's the correct one
Do I discard or remake it
Cause if I don't know then I don't know
But I may know someone who knows me more than I
And If I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life
Well I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
You see I know that I have done all this to you
To you
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
Yeah I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die
Yeah I'll curl up with you until I die with you
To get to look
Into your deepest feelings
And I don't like the place I'm in
Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling
Cause if I'm restless then why do I
I want nothing but to rest my soul
And I don't get this and I know why
You see sometimes things are just beyond control
But I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
I'm not surprised to find that you do
I know you do
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die too
Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which direction's the correct one
Do I discard or remake it
Cause if I don't know then I don't know
But I may know someone who knows me more than I
And If I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life
Well I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
You see I know that I have done all this to you
To you
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
Yeah I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die
Yeah I'll curl up with you until I die with you
Monday, August 25, 2008
Things I have accomplished
In the past week or two:
1. Got my unread Google Reader feeds down to 14 (from 140something)
2. Got my unread Gmail down to 0 (from 80something)
3. Drove to school (w/ my mom)
4. Unpacked.
5. Hooked up to internet. (Yay!)
6. Met old friends and talked to some new people. (Can't call them friends yet... I can't remember most of their names.)
7. Fixed a MAJOR problem with the registrar. (Finishing that up tomorrow... ugh. More details to follow)
8. Fixed a MAJOR problem with a friend. (That's mostly dealt with... no loose ends to think of at this point.)
That's about it... Ok, now for the more details.
Basically I'd been working with the school to get me re-enrolled over the summer, and hopefully pre-registered, even though I wasn't coming back as a "returning student". I'd been away for a year and thus should have done things the new-student way, but I've got connections. Which is a VERY good thing, because we got 40 or so freshmen on our floor, and I wouldn't have been able to snag a spot had I waited much longer. Anywho, on to the financial snafu. Issue one: How to get LeTourneau to receive the $30,000 loan I'd applied for... Apparently they need to certify it before they can get the money (to prove they're a legitimate school, I suppose.) That slowed things down a bit, and it still hasn't gone through, but now I have till September 8th to get it done. Whew.
Issue two: EVEN THOUGH I'd been talking with the school ALL SUMMER about getting me registered and enrolled and all that, when they asked for some papers, and I forgot to send a copy of my W-2s (and then handed them to Dad to deal with...) they assumed I'd withdrawn, thus clearing my Student affairs information, Blackboard account, classes, and financial aid. Ugh. Double ugh, and triple ugh. Luckily it all seemed to have gotten straightened out, but I still need to get some health forms re-submitted and dad needs to send in another piece of paper (apparently it's an important one) before everything is completely smoothed out. Also good is I will only have one more fall to deal with, and that will be done as a returning student. Easy, right? (Let's hope so.)
Also on the academic side of things, I've returned with more fervor for getting things done this time around, and actually achieving a 3.0 or better. It's too bad I didn't keep it before, cause then I'd still have some scholarships... and some need based aid. Ugh. I sucketh(ed). But no longer! Now all that's needed is a consistent schedule, getting ahead in class, and a heavy reliance on the One that keeps me alive. It's a good thing.
In relationships... Well specifically ones with girls, and most particularly the deep important ones, mine have had less than stellar interactions recently. Though most recently, we've had a big long talk that have put things to rest and in their place. I hope. I'm not dating for the next semester, and I'll be looking for potential mates starting in the spring, who knows if I'll find a suitable female... But I've got a year and a half left after this one. *sigh* Why can't relationships be so hard? Why can't they just work out? When they're on track, life is grand. When they take a turn for the worse, your whole world is upside down.
In the words of an excellent friend, "It's over, it's done, I'm back. Now time for trouble." Uh... well actually, scratch that second sentence. ;-)
Stephe (planning)
1. Got my unread Google Reader feeds down to 14 (from 140something)
2. Got my unread Gmail down to 0 (from 80something)
3. Drove to school (w/ my mom)
4. Unpacked.
5. Hooked up to internet. (Yay!)
6. Met old friends and talked to some new people. (Can't call them friends yet... I can't remember most of their names.)
7. Fixed a MAJOR problem with the registrar. (Finishing that up tomorrow... ugh. More details to follow)
8. Fixed a MAJOR problem with a friend. (That's mostly dealt with... no loose ends to think of at this point.)
That's about it... Ok, now for the more details.
Basically I'd been working with the school to get me re-enrolled over the summer, and hopefully pre-registered, even though I wasn't coming back as a "returning student". I'd been away for a year and thus should have done things the new-student way, but I've got connections. Which is a VERY good thing, because we got 40 or so freshmen on our floor, and I wouldn't have been able to snag a spot had I waited much longer. Anywho, on to the financial snafu. Issue one: How to get LeTourneau to receive the $30,000 loan I'd applied for... Apparently they need to certify it before they can get the money (to prove they're a legitimate school, I suppose.) That slowed things down a bit, and it still hasn't gone through, but now I have till September 8th to get it done. Whew.
Issue two: EVEN THOUGH I'd been talking with the school ALL SUMMER about getting me registered and enrolled and all that, when they asked for some papers, and I forgot to send a copy of my W-2s (and then handed them to Dad to deal with...) they assumed I'd withdrawn, thus clearing my Student affairs information, Blackboard account, classes, and financial aid. Ugh. Double ugh, and triple ugh. Luckily it all seemed to have gotten straightened out, but I still need to get some health forms re-submitted and dad needs to send in another piece of paper (apparently it's an important one) before everything is completely smoothed out. Also good is I will only have one more fall to deal with, and that will be done as a returning student. Easy, right? (Let's hope so.)
Also on the academic side of things, I've returned with more fervor for getting things done this time around, and actually achieving a 3.0 or better. It's too bad I didn't keep it before, cause then I'd still have some scholarships... and some need based aid. Ugh. I sucketh(ed). But no longer! Now all that's needed is a consistent schedule, getting ahead in class, and a heavy reliance on the One that keeps me alive. It's a good thing.
In relationships... Well specifically ones with girls, and most particularly the deep important ones, mine have had less than stellar interactions recently. Though most recently, we've had a big long talk that have put things to rest and in their place. I hope. I'm not dating for the next semester, and I'll be looking for potential mates starting in the spring, who knows if I'll find a suitable female... But I've got a year and a half left after this one. *sigh* Why can't relationships be so hard? Why can't they just work out? When they're on track, life is grand. When they take a turn for the worse, your whole world is upside down.
In the words of an excellent friend, "It's over, it's done, I'm back. Now time for trouble." Uh... well actually, scratch that second sentence. ;-)
Stephe (planning)
To all those concerned
Everything's fine, or at least as good as it's gonna be for a while. I'm finally down at school, I shall post again to let y'all know what's been going on, in summary. The long and short of it is, I'm excited, and nervous, and goshdarnit gonna get B's at the very least. :-) Ta.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Lost in drama?
Unlikely, but at least I think we've crested a peak. There was a lot of misunderstanding, very little actual communication, even though we were saying the same thing, there were assumptions being made and of course neither knew of the others... But now that straight answers have been given, there looks to be peace for the time being.
In other news, I just finished my last day of Physics II, and I think I completely bombed the test. Well, not a 0, but less than 50... no, less than 40% complete. :-/ But, I've got a solid B in the class so far, and I did turn in all of the homework (except for the last chapter), so I'm not too worried.
And finally, I'm leaving for Vermont in an hour or so, need to scrape up some books and make sure my library items won't go overdue on me before I get back. Also, some breakfast would be nice. mmm... eggs... Right! So I'll be out of town and most likely out of bandwidth, so don't worry all 5 of you that read this blog, I haven't died. But I may in a month... School starts up again.
Stephe(train of thoug...SQUIRRELS!)
(Note: This was originally part of the previous post, "An end to the drama?", but since more people are finding it useful for dealing with scammers, I've decided to separate out the personal life from the transaction.)
In other news, I just finished my last day of Physics II, and I think I completely bombed the test. Well, not a 0, but less than 50... no, less than 40% complete. :-/ But, I've got a solid B in the class so far, and I did turn in all of the homework (except for the last chapter), so I'm not too worried.
And finally, I'm leaving for Vermont in an hour or so, need to scrape up some books and make sure my library items won't go overdue on me before I get back. Also, some breakfast would be nice. mmm... eggs... Right! So I'll be out of town and most likely out of bandwidth, so don't worry all 5 of you that read this blog, I haven't died. But I may in a month... School starts up again.
Stephe(train of thoug...SQUIRRELS!)
(Note: This was originally part of the previous post, "An end to the drama?", but since more people are finding it useful for dealing with scammers, I've decided to separate out the personal life from the transaction.)
An end to the drama?
Scams are funny things, even better when you catch on and try and take the guy for a ride. Here's an example of one that unfolded over this past week:
Now time to go click that "Report Message" link. A lot.
Hi
Between You and Donald FloraThank you for your interest, but I have already gotten another offer and am waiting for him to send payment.ok.. but in case the buyer did not turn up, plz do let me know ok..Sure thing. In fact, I think that one was a scam. He wanted to set up his "shipping company" and have me wire money back to him. So, I have a question for you: Your name is Donald, but your brief profile says you're female? Where are you located? (Don't need an address, just a locale)ok.. My full name is Donald Flora and i base in UK.. i actually want to buy your item for my collegue in West Africa Lagos, Nigeria and i will appreciate if you can send the item to him on my behalf ok.. if you can do this for me kindly get back to me with the total amount i will be sending to you including the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria ok.. and also include your full name and house address and phone number so that i can make payment to you imediately via Western Union Bidpay ok.. I wait your soonest reply..Nope, no thanks. I don't do international scams either.what do you mean by that my friend.. I base in Uk and i want the item for my collegue in Nigeria, i don,t mean any harm ok.. i will appreciate if you sell to me but if you don,t want to sell to me.. no problem ok.. but i am not a scammer.. Takia and have a nice weekend...Sorry, but anything having to do with Nigeria and wiring money sounds fishy to me. I'll use paypal, but I don't want to ship it internationally.Well i know the problem we white face with blacks most expecially Nigerians but i want you to know that we still have some good Nigerians ok.. just like we the whites, we have some good white and bad white, so i will appreciate if you are not being skeptical.. I will appreciate if you can send the item to Lagos,Nigeria and i am willing to pay for the shipping cost.. fine you want me to send you money via Paypal no problem ok.. you get me the total amount i will be remitting into your Paypal account and don,t forget to include the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria and i want you to send me the item description and your email address ok.. all we need is trusting each other ok. and i think i am taking more risk by sending you money first before you send the item but i don,t think i have problem with that because you sound very nice and honest.
please do this me and you wll never regret meeting or knowing me ok..
Thank you and have a lovely weekend..
Donald..Alright, I'll trust you on this. Please forgive my ignorance and hesitation. Please remit $260 to the paypal account registered to stephen21236@gmail.com.
Also include the name and address where you would like me to ship it. Once I receive payment, it will take approximately 2-3 days to get the funds transferred to my bank account and shipped out. Thank you and have a good day.
StephenHello..
I have sent you the total sum 260$ has you have requested via paypal.. please don,t you think 2-3days is too long before you send the item down to Nigeria.. please think about that cos i want the item send down to Lagos, Nigeria before the week runs out.. this is the address you will be sending the item to Below.
A.M.KELVIN,
15,MAXWELL IJEH CRESCENT,
AGUDA,SURULERE,
LAGOS,23401.
NIGERIA,Tel.234014819214.
Please i wait the shipment tracking number as soon as you send the item to the above address ok.. thank you and is nice meeting you..Thank you, but I have not yet recieved an email from Paypal alerting me that I have the money in my account. I also checked my balance and recent transactions and they have not changed. As soon as I get the money I will be happy to ship it out. Perhaps you would like me to send a request for payment through paypal? What is the email address you have registered with paypal?I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the to you.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..
Donald..I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the payment to you by paypal.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..
Donald..Yes, please send me a copy of that invoice. I have not yet received an official email from Paypal. Also, Paypal is instant, and I should see the money in my account. I don't care who you are, I do believe you are trying to scam me, and not doing a very good job. As soon as I see the funds transferred, I will ship, but I cannot ship something without having the money to pay for it.You sound a little bit too ash ok..i am an elderly man and i can see from your pics that you are a young man and i can never scammed a boy of your age ok..if you think this is a scam then lets cancel this transaction since you don,t trust me that much ok.. there is no need for the invoice ok.. plz makeup your mind before the day runs out ok.. i can not tolorate anymore of you insult thank you and have a niceday..Well, since I don't believe you, that's perfectly fine with me. You sent me three copies of the same fake Paypal email, with a fake transaction number and from a false email address. You haven't attempted to verify your identity against my accusations, your profile does not match the description of yourself, and you've just contradicted even your own fake email. Thank you for the amusing ride. Expect to be hearing from Facebook and Paypal soon.
Now time to go click that "Report Message" link. A lot.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
5 years later, 60-70% true.
Relient K - College Kids
Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do.
(Edited for accuracy. :-P)
Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what I did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in theend midst of it I questioned why I did
I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend
Sell all my books for front row tickets to Dave Matthews Band
My girlfriend's at another school I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had 3 other boyfriends last semester
[Chorus]
And that's why I say
Oh no, not for me, not for me
Call it torture, call it university
No, arts and crafts is all I need
I'll take calligraphy and then I'll make a fake degree
80 100 grand later I found out that all I had learned
Is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
The party scene is kinda mean, I think it's sick and twisted
The navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that I enlisted
[Chorus]
Don't get excited, she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
And I've decided college girls just won't go out with me
They make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
Like cell phone service I drop out 'cause college is too hard
It's time to call my father
'Cause it's his alma mater
Good grades aren't what they seem
I think he knows the dean
It's time to call my father
Cause it's his alma mater
He said he's proud of me
But college always was his dream (My dad did go to college, but he knew I could do better than he)
And I would always say it's not for me
[Chorus]
Phi, beta, delta, kappa
Do what will makeyou God happy
Do what youfeel know is right
Only but one thing matters
Learn how to live your life.
5 years later and it's more relevant than ever... Except for the fact that I'm going back to school with renewed fervor and a desire to excel academically, as well as spiritually, and hopefully, eventually, relationally. But that comes later, and in whatever timing God deems appropriate. Blasted God, not fitting into my timetable. The nerve. ;-) Here's to the future! It's out of my control, and I'm fine with that! :-D (But it's scary!)
Stephen(Quivering In God's Hands)
Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do.
(Edited for accuracy. :-P)
Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what I did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in the
I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend
My girlfriend's at another school I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had 3 other boyfriends last semester
[Chorus]
And that's why I say
Call it torture, call it university
Is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
The party scene is kinda mean, I think it's sick and twisted
[Chorus]
Don't get excited, she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
And I've decided college girls just won't go out with me
They make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
It's time to call my father
Good grades aren't what they seem
He said he's proud of me
But college always was his dream (My dad did go to college, but he knew I could do better than he)
[Chorus]
Phi, beta, delta, kappa
Do what will make
Do what you
Only but one thing matters
Learn how to live your life.
5 years later and it's more relevant than ever... Except for the fact that I'm going back to school with renewed fervor and a desire to excel academically, as well as spiritually, and hopefully, eventually, relationally. But that comes later, and in whatever timing God deems appropriate. Blasted God, not fitting into my timetable. The nerve. ;-) Here's to the future! It's out of my control, and I'm fine with that! :-D (But it's scary!)
Stephen(Quivering In God's Hands)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Timing. It happens.
Last Saturday I went to a session on Do Hard Things, an idea, and now a book, and a "Rebeloution" started by Alex and Brett Harris, which is a "Teenage rebellion against low expectations" as they call it. It was pretty encouraging, to see how god can use you to do hard things, and how that benefits everybody. We picked up the book and a DVD of the conference (previously recorded... :-p), and I plan to read through it before I leave for school. Hopefully I'll be able to apply it... Well, I know I'll be able to apply it somehow, with God's help, since that is the premise.
Secondly, I'd gotten pretty frustrated with a certain someone just before that, because it seemed we were in a quandary and one of us needed to make a decision. That decision hasn't come yet, but my attitude has changed about it, or rather, gotten more firm in one direction, and I'm being intentionally vague. Partly because I'm not exactly sure what's ahead, partly because it may not matter, and partly because I'd like to protect the somewhat innocent and/or guilty.
Thirdly, because of these issues, I desired to talk with a pastor about them and ask for advice, being quite blunt and honest and hoping for a direction that I realized may not come. But, it turned out that that pastor was the one giving the sermon yesterday (we have seven pastors, btw) and it happened to be on faith, and how God uses it, specifically how our flawed faith looks for God to fix the situation, when really God wants to draw us closer to him and transform our faith into a faith in Himself, rather than His actions. It was pretty intense, cause it applied to my issues at the moment, and it seemed to apply to another friend's life, and it was the pastor I'd wanted to talk to. I spoke with him briefly after church was over and asked him for a meeting sometime this week, which I need to email him about presently. We'll see how that goes.
Fourthly, I was really feeling not too great about stuff and life and myself and wanting to smack a certain person over the head, or eliminate another from the picture to make things easier... which I would never physically do, I realized. Luckily, I was going out to play paintball after church, which I was looking forward to, and hoped it would lighten my spirits possibly. So, we got there, and it was looking good for a bit, we set up the teams, and as the rules were being explained, it got really dark... an ominous sign. Then we sent everybody to their bases, and while we were waiting to start, it started to drizzle, then sprinkle, and eventually downpour... We all got soaked. I had brought my electronic gun too, so I was keeping it dry under my shirt, which didn't help too much. We played on, slowly, and after about half an hour or 45 minutes, it let up, and we kept playing. All in all, at the end of the day, I was feeling slightly better, and was ready to tackle life again and write up this post, which I didn't get to because of other distractions later, but that's another story.
In summary, God is not against me, and however He works things will be OK with me. It's alright I guess to have the control taken out of my hands, but I really wish He would give some guidance to others on the situation I'm in. Unfortunately, I can't change them, only myself. So, I will continue to work on being a competent leader, and be diligent in school and in life, and in working on relationships, which are the most important part of life.
I saw a T-shirt at the Do Hard Things seminar that had on the back of it: "Live. Love. Lead." and on the front, something like "Man School". I want that shirt, because it is a great motto to live by, and one I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life, but most pressingly in the next coming months. I also thought that there a lot of other "L" words that might be useful for life, such as "Learn", "Laugh", "Listen", and many others. I'll be editing this post with more as I find more, feel free to comment with your own wholesome additions.
Stephe(L^3)
Secondly, I'd gotten pretty frustrated with a certain someone just before that, because it seemed we were in a quandary and one of us needed to make a decision. That decision hasn't come yet, but my attitude has changed about it, or rather, gotten more firm in one direction, and I'm being intentionally vague. Partly because I'm not exactly sure what's ahead, partly because it may not matter, and partly because I'd like to protect the somewhat innocent and/or guilty.
Thirdly, because of these issues, I desired to talk with a pastor about them and ask for advice, being quite blunt and honest and hoping for a direction that I realized may not come. But, it turned out that that pastor was the one giving the sermon yesterday (we have seven pastors, btw) and it happened to be on faith, and how God uses it, specifically how our flawed faith looks for God to fix the situation, when really God wants to draw us closer to him and transform our faith into a faith in Himself, rather than His actions. It was pretty intense, cause it applied to my issues at the moment, and it seemed to apply to another friend's life, and it was the pastor I'd wanted to talk to. I spoke with him briefly after church was over and asked him for a meeting sometime this week, which I need to email him about presently. We'll see how that goes.
Fourthly, I was really feeling not too great about stuff and life and myself and wanting to smack a certain person over the head, or eliminate another from the picture to make things easier... which I would never physically do, I realized. Luckily, I was going out to play paintball after church, which I was looking forward to, and hoped it would lighten my spirits possibly. So, we got there, and it was looking good for a bit, we set up the teams, and as the rules were being explained, it got really dark... an ominous sign. Then we sent everybody to their bases, and while we were waiting to start, it started to drizzle, then sprinkle, and eventually downpour... We all got soaked. I had brought my electronic gun too, so I was keeping it dry under my shirt, which didn't help too much. We played on, slowly, and after about half an hour or 45 minutes, it let up, and we kept playing. All in all, at the end of the day, I was feeling slightly better, and was ready to tackle life again and write up this post, which I didn't get to because of other distractions later, but that's another story.
In summary, God is not against me, and however He works things will be OK with me. It's alright I guess to have the control taken out of my hands, but I really wish He would give some guidance to others on the situation I'm in. Unfortunately, I can't change them, only myself. So, I will continue to work on being a competent leader, and be diligent in school and in life, and in working on relationships, which are the most important part of life.
I saw a T-shirt at the Do Hard Things seminar that had on the back of it: "Live. Love. Lead." and on the front, something like "Man School". I want that shirt, because it is a great motto to live by, and one I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life, but most pressingly in the next coming months. I also thought that there a lot of other "L" words that might be useful for life, such as "Learn", "Laugh", "Listen", and many others. I'll be editing this post with more as I find more, feel free to comment with your own wholesome additions.
Stephe(L^3)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Another fun post
Not too much to report on the home front, except class is going, and I still don't have a job, and my CD is suddenly losing much of its value (in that I will have debts to pay off, and that's my only source of cash for the foreseeable future. I did however manage to land a job on campus for next semester, due to my magnificent human-networking skills... Actually it was a friend that offered me the position, by adding me to the team I'll be increasing the department's workforce by 50%. (Have some quick math, enjoy!) So, it looks like it should be alright, and I'll get some experience in a field that at least somewhat resembles what I'll be working with once I graduate. I've been fascinated by circuits as of late though... blame it on Physics II. Magnetism however, is a beast. Electric fields too, but at least those are in the scope of the course. :-/ Anywho, I digress. On to the funny! If you watch Diggnation regularly you might have already seen this one, but I thought it was pretty good. It's a list of "Twenty-five Signs You've Grown Up."
Now, I can personally attest to several of them, and of course it's from a worldview that is not my own, but on the whole it's a good list. Here are some of my favorites.
#4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
#11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (Pretty awkward, actually...)
#16. You take naps.
#21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Of course I eat it at breakfast time, I also eat it at other times. Pizza isn't bad though. ;-)
Heh, well I guess I've still got a little ways to go. I think most of them depend on me graduating from college first, so once I pass that mile marker, I'll knock several out at once. Until then, it's just a lot of hurry up and wait.
Stephe(growing)
Now, I can personally attest to several of them, and of course it's from a worldview that is not my own, but on the whole it's a good list. Here are some of my favorites.
#4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
#11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (Pretty awkward, actually...)
#16. You take naps.
#21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Of course I eat it at breakfast time, I also eat it at other times. Pizza isn't bad though. ;-)
Heh, well I guess I've still got a little ways to go. I think most of them depend on me graduating from college first, so once I pass that mile marker, I'll knock several out at once. Until then, it's just a lot of hurry up and wait.
Stephe(growing)
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