The ever-forgetful life I live

Marathons to endure... I mean enjoy

2011-07-29T01:15:00.001-05:00

Movies:
Lord of the Rings Extended Trilogy on Blu-Ray
Star Wars

TV:
Doctor Who
Fringe
Bleach

Books:
LOTR
H2G2 (All 5 books)
Bible.
All of C.S. Lewis' works
The dictionary (Just kidding!)

Sometimes, I miss out on things.
Internet, oh how you have sucked my time away, and yet I have not contributed back (aside from Twitter, Facebook, and now Google+) for so long.

Oh, and that printer thing? I reinstalled with Linux Mint Katya, and it took me three drivers to get it to work this time. Literally, the third driver in the list. No back-handed hpcups install, or going through the CUPS web interface... This one is the pcl3 hpcups driver, I haven't yet tried the Gutenprint driver, though I'm sure it would work as well.

And that subnetting? Well, I finally have a real job, doing real SysAdmin work, so the Certification chase is mostly behind me... for now.

Speaking of the job. I need to get off the internet and sleep now. Thanks for listening, y'all have been great.

Got a free printer, wasted 12 bucks, saved 80

2010-04-03T20:56:00.002-05:00

That was a hoot. I recieved a free printer from my best friend's parents while I was in Texas, and hadn't gotten a chance to set it up till now. What I didn't know was Ubuntu's "Keep it simple" mindset was just a little too simple. More details to follow.

The printer is an HP LaserJet 4 Plus, yes one of those huge 90 pound office machines that will crush your toe or finger if you ever venture too close or stumble a bit when moving it. No, I haven't weighed it. I like to keep my fingers intact and attached. The Operating System: Ubuntu 9.04. I plan to upgrade to 10.04 when it's released, but this is my desktop, and it has to work in the meantime. I needed to stick this printer somewhere where it couldn't fall, and was easily reachable by me at my desk.

I selected the left cubby, which it fit perfectly in with just the right amount of breathing room, while my computer is on the right side of my desk, on the outside, because while it would fit just as nicely in the computer cubby, I wanted a bit more airflow around the case, without having to tear out the cardboard backing... but we're talking about the printer here! Point being, the 6 foot cable that came with the printer wasn't long enough. So, I bought a 10 foot printer cable for $7 plus shipping, which I got today; and found out that the printer-side connector was the wrong type. Phooey! I mentioned it to Dad and he said "I might have one of those cables." So I looked in the box of cables and junk he had in his office and found a 3 foot cable that would serve well to extend the cable I had. $12 wasted. (Return, maybe?)

I'd installed both printers that Dad has shared in the basement from his Windows machine fine, so I figured I'd have the same luck with the directly connected HP LJ4+, but alas, it was not to be. The printer showed up in the New Printer window, replacing the LPT1 option with "HP LaserJet 4 Plus" and in the description showing "HPLIP software", straight from HP's open source labs. "Wonderful!" I thought to myself. "HP sure is great. I knew they liked Linux!"

Unfortunately, once I went through the install (fairly simple, it seemed) and tried to print a test page, nothing happened. I check the printer, and it was displaying a "W2 Invalid Pers" error. Ah, the days when printers actually told us what was wrong themselves! Anywho. I had no idea what that meant, so after some googling I discovered that I'd need to install a PostScript module and some extra ram into the printer to make it work. Oh, the days when printers needed font modules and more memory...

I checked on the price of those after some more searching and found Amazon selling them for $75, and another place for $80. "Holy moly!" I thought, "$80 for a simple little font module? They sure don't make them like they used to, and I bet they were much more expensive then." I really, really didn't want to have to spend 80 dollars just to use a free printer that seemed to have drivers already installed. So I looked through Synaptic for anything mentioning "hplip" and found a few things I thought might be useful: hplip-gui, hplip-cups, and hpijs-ppds. The first, because sometimes gui's are a bit more helpful than the command line, and it'd been mentioned in the forums I looked at. The second, because why would the hplips backend for cups not be installed? probably a good idea to have it in case. And the third, because if I needed to use a printer definition file, that would probably be the package I needed.

After I installed those I checked the GUI and got the same error that other folks had run into: No discovered devices. I thought, "Bollocks! You just showed me it in the System printer window!" So I went back a screen and it mentioned going to the CUPS management page on port 631. I know a bit about CUPS, but I've never actually installed a printer through the web-ui. I did recall that moments before, I'd installed the hplip backend for CUPS, and that some people had gotten their LJ4's working by selecting a generic printer driver, so I gave it a shot.

Turns out, that was just the thing it needed. For some reason, the default HPLIPS driver sends PostScript data to the printer, which of course it doesn't understand without the (freaking $80) module. So I selected the Gutenprint driver, selected the default options there, and voilà! The printer showed up in my printer configuration window and I can print a test page! So now my shiny happy (old and dusty) printer works; and for (nearly) free, I can print in my room, and I'm happy that I learned a bit more about CUPS.

And now, time to delve into another project. Learning about subnetting and VLSM... Oh how my head spins with numbers.

I don't like it.

2010-03-31T21:32:00.003-05:00

This thing inside me... this failing organ, this diabetes, or LADA, as they like to classify it. I'm working on getting an insulin pump, which might make things easier... I've gone from being on the high end of normal blood sugars consistently last week to being on the low side of normal consistently this week. It's not fun. I'd really like a Continuous Glucose Monitoring system.... but those things are a bit ambiguous as far as insurance coverage goes. I'm in talks with Animas, who makes the pump I want, and I'll ask them about the CGM solution they're working with/on.

I wanted to rant on stuff failing or being difficult, but I'm really kinda tired out from something... can't really tell if it's the blood sugar levels or the middle-of-the-week Cold Stone shift. I'm definitely quitting there by the end of the month. I think I'll bring that up at the crew meeting on Saturday morning (that I'm currently the only one signed up for... Should be interesting). Also, I've got that interview on the 8th... still anxious about it. Need to talk with my current boss about stuff and getting work hours.

In other news, my room is very nearly unpacked... untarred mostly, as there wasn't much compression, if any. I still need to set up my desktop, which will be good to do. I've covered and uncovered my desk several times in the process. Once I get the trash bags and boxes out of my room it'll be good to fill in the spaces in the last bits of organization. Need to figure out where I'm gonna fit those three or four other chassis I've acquired. On the other hand, I think I've just thought of the perfect spot. So, the end of a part-rant, part-update, the beginning of the end of the room set-up.

See y'all later!

What a Whirlwind Week!

2010-03-28T20:58:00.002-05:00

Well, this past week has been an adventure for sure... Putting up shelves in my room, driving to Jackson, Mississippi and then to Houston, Texas, packing all my stuff up in a day, driving up to Longview, spending a day there, and then driving for three days back to Maryland (I had time enough to pass the time listening to three novels and a short story, but it was still a long drive). I'm beat, and I've already been back for a day!

While I was in Longview I got to hang out with some old friends and some recent ones, and one dude I've never met before. We watched Gilligan's Island episodes and a made-for-TV sci-fi flick called Supernova. Bet you can't guess what that one's about, eh? I also had lunch with a most wonderful girl whom I hope to get to know more in the future, time/space/God permitting.

Now, this week I've got the elephantine task of unpacking and organizing all my stuffs in my room at home (probably gonna need some more shelves)... in the midst of 12 credit hours, a real job with more and more hours, letting my part-time job know I'm quitting, and certificate studies. Who knew real life would be so busy? And now I must be off, for I've got a letter to write!

An abbreviated conversation on versioning schemes

2010-03-04T11:29:00.002-06:00

Background: I'm named after my father, so I've got the suffix "II" after my name, and I like it. I like it so much I'm going to name my first son after myself and my dad, making him the third. Here's a conversation (edited for clarity) I had with a friend about that.

Her: Here's an idea: When you get that son you want, instead of naming him III, make it a 3
Me: Or even better, make it a 3.0.
Her: Thaaaaat's a little too nerdy.
Me: It's better than making them minor releases until they're 18, i.e. 2.1, 2.2, 2.x, etc. until they reach 18, and then they're 3.0
Her: You can't keep changing his name, paperwork my word!
Me: Oh, for the government we'll keep it simple. We'll just give them the release number they can expect to use. i.e. v3. He's in development before then; the 2.x series is an internal versioning scheme.
Her: Then will 2.11 go on school records?
Me: Well he'll probably be home-schooled, so that won't be an issue. However, if we put him into public school his nickname will be "Beta". Wow I'm having too much fun with this.
Her: I WASH MY HANDS OF THIS IDEA. Please God, send him a sensible wife
Me: Well, hopefully I'll get a sensible, or equally nerdy, wife. Then we can joke about it behind his back. :-p
Her: ...that poor kid.

Thoughts from a morning in Proverbs

2010-02-15T08:04:00.000-06:00

I'm reading through Proverbs (sporadically) and today is the 15th, so I read Proverbs 15.
Needless to say, there are many gems stored in the words of the Proverbs, some more famous than others. Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." is one my mom is quoting quite frequently... and it's good advice. I'll list a few more that I found noticeable.

v12 "Mockers resent correction, so they avoid the wise." (NIV)

v14 "The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.." (ESV)

v21 "Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense, but a man of understanding walks straight ahead." (ESV)

v22 "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." (ESV) (One of my personal favorites)

v23 "A person finds joy in giving an apt reply--and how good is a timely word!" (NIV)

and finally, vv31-33
31 "The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
33 The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom,
and humility comes before honor."

This week's adventures

2010-02-06T22:12:00.004-06:00

This weeks adventures include School, Health Insurance, More school, and SNOW!

A brief summary: At the beginning of the week, I was working on my certification {Now on to Network+ and I've got my exam scheduled for Monday) and health insurance was at the back of my mind. Now I've been alerted to the fact that I really really need to get a job with good health insurance so that my regular diabetic supplies will be covered. I've compiled a list of options, but we'll see what they say. I've aslo had some interaction with representatives from USA+, a group insurance agency/broker with a really pushy manager... I mean really pushy. But that's beside the point. He'd mentioned that because I have a pre-existing condition, I'm "basically uninsurable on an individual plan". Which means that I need to get a group plan, which he would prefer that I get through them.

Also, I've gotten some leads on jobs, one through my boss's boss at Cold Stone. The owner of the store was in and we chatted for a little bit. He knows a guy who has his own consulting firm, and has said that I can send him my resume and he'll forward it on. I need to get on that soon!

In the meantime, we've figured out that the best option for me right now is to go back to shool. But this time, it's mainly for the status. If I'm a full-time student, I can stay on my parent's insurance, AND I won't have to start paying off my student loans for a bit, AND I get some extra knowledge from whatever community college classes I decide to attend. Should be fun. Of course I still need to be seeking options, but that may literally buy me some more time to get things set up, especially to get me an insulin pump.

That's all for now folks, I hope to be posing still more regularly as time rolls on. Cheers, and thanks for reading!

So, about that weekly thing

2010-01-30T08:43:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been nearly 3 weeks since my last post, and lookie there, I'm posting again. I believe it's time to give an update on my Resolutions so far this month, and I'll repeat the process at the end of each month hence.

Complete 7 certificates
Progress is good on this front. I took and passed my A+ exams, and I'm almost halfway through the Network+ study material. For a bit I wasn't able to access some of the labs and exams, but an update to my client fixed that. I'm also going through the Linux+ study material in my "free time", and it turns out I don't know as much as I thought I did... the command line is nearly unnecessary these days in a desktop environment.

Read more of the Bible
I've been reading sporadically more of Proverbs, which is more than I have been in the past. I've missed a few days, but what I've read has been really good and instructional.

Set up a wireless N linked router
Well, we've given up on the N part of the network (alas) since we've got two WRT54GL's linked and broadcasting. Funny thing is though, with the second router hooked up, the signal from the first router is stronger, and when it's not, it's so weak you can hardly stay connected for 15 minutes. I find that odd.

Get a job with a $40k+ salary
Definitely haven't gotten this one near done at all. I'm currently working at Cold Stone Creamery on Friday's, which is not bad at all, but other than that I'm focused on certifications as my full time job.

Set up a media/backup server (Test FreeNAS, CoreNAS, OpenMediaVault, OpenFiler)
This simply needs hardware... and that's in Texas. I'm currently in MD, and will most likely stay here for a while. I'm here until March for sure, and then I'll be heading down to Texas after taking my sister back to school in ~~Louisiana~~Mississippi. (So, if you're at LeTourneau, the next time you'll see me is March 22nd)

Set up a media client (MythTV, XBMC, Boxee, LinuxMCE, Enna/GeeXBoX, etc)
This one also requires hardware... but I'm thinking I may not have to roll my own for the client. I've been looking at a few things, and the Popbox looks pretty darn slick. It plays just about every single format you could want (and more than I have in my collection), and give me access to streaming services like Netflix and Revision3's stuff and Crunchyroll (look it up if you're into anime.) The kicker: it'll be priced at only $129 when it comes out. Pretty darn amazing if you think about it. The Boxee Box is also intriguing, but it's not stackable and wouldn't fit in our media center unless we stuffed it behind the VCR and DVD players. I do so love the remote though. Hopefully someone will come up with a hack to use it with a regular computer.

Start re-learning Sign Language
No progress thus far, but it's only January.

Rent or own my own place
Comes after the job marker.

Get on an insulin pump
My next appointment with my endocrinologist is Feb 3, and I've gotten my sugars down and regulated pretty darn well, so we'll see what she thinks. If she gives us the go-ahead, we'll need to schedule another meeting with an insulin pump educator, because it's a whole different system than the pens I've been using

Write a blog entry a week
Fail. :-p

Actually put up a decent website for myself
I've got my URLs (still) but no progress as of yet.

Move my blog to that site/URL
Ditto.

Read a book a month
Haven't even picked one up this month, guess I'll have to start next month. Any suggestions?

New Year's Resolutions!

2010-01-10T22:24:00.000-06:00

Goals and resolutions:

I've got a dozen or so goals for this year, so I figured I'd hop on the bandwagon of resolution making, and the tenth day of the tenth year seemed like a decent day to start.

Complete 7 certificates: I'm currently halfway through my A+ certification, and plan to get the rest of the CompTIA suite and a security cert or two, as well as my CCNA cert. This will require about a workday's worth of time spent watching videos and taking practice tests for about three months. However, once I finish my A+, I'm going to start applying for jobs, but keep working on the certs. Basically they're working as my room and board (and insurance) while I'm living at home, so I gotta get 'em done!
Read more of the Bible: Now this may seem religious and old-fashioned, but I am going to do my best to read at least a chapter of Proverbs each day. Eventually I plan to expand to the Psalms and even a 365 plan, but we'll stick with the wisdom for now. Some of that will probably show up here even.
Set up a wireless N linked router: Dad's got a decent wireless router in the basement, but spotty reception on the main floor (Duh, it's in the basement!) We got a range expander, but that still doesn't let the TiVO hook up to the internet wirelessly, which is a real bummer when you want to, you know, have an accurate TV schedule for recording. So, we're looking into linking an N router to the one in the basement (not running an ethernet cable around the basement ceiling... the wire hole behind the TV is too crowded already. I'd rather just run the cable, but the four ports downstairs are already used up... more on that later too.
Get a job with a $40k+ salary: This one I think is a bit of a lofty goal, though possible depending on where I look. I'll be searching out "government" jobs, because there happens to be a military base near us that is relocating to a bigger base even closer, and they need a ton of tech guys because it's mostly IT stuff that they're moving. But that's another post and a half again.
Set up a media/backup server (Test FreeNAS, CoreNAS, OpenMediaVault, OpenFiler): Going to college and having a job was a blast, because I got to enjoy life and buy a few toys along the way... among those ended up being an awesome tower of a case and more than 6TB of hard-drive space. The eventual goal is to put most of the drives in a box in the (climate-controlled) basement, and have it serve up TV shows and movies or music whenever and wherever in the house I'd like, as well as serve as a central backup for all my other computers (desktop and laptop), though they be few. So I'll be exploring getting a cheapo box to experiment with before moving everything around.
Set up a media client (MythTV, XBMC, Boxee, LinuxMCE, Enna/GeeXBoX, etc): Again, with all that media, I'd kindof like to watch it on the bigger TV screen, so I'd like to have a better solution than plugging in the output from my laptop every time I want to watch a movie from more than two feet away. So, a dedicated/multipurpose box is the solution here. Honestly, it'll probably be both my server and client box for a while, at least until I get my own house.
Start re-learning Sign Language: A long time ago, I was taken to a class where we learned some sign language, and even got to ineract with some deaf people to practice our "speech". (Hint: They're normal people like you and me, don't yell at them or think they're dumb just because you can't communicate easily with them.) My best friend also knows a large chunk of ASL (American Sign Language) so I've been interested in it again since college, but haven't really made the time for it. I shall make some goals to get to so I can measure my progress. Starting with memorizing the alphabet forwards, backwards, and inside out.
Rent or own my own place: This one is easy, or is it really? It's actually pretty dependant on getting a job, which will allow for and require a lot of things to happen. I'd love to have my own personal network to play with so I'm not accidentally screwing up something with Dad's network or other's computers, even if I did help set it up in the first place, or fix it later when it's broken.
Get on an insulin pump: This one is a long story about the rapid progression of my diabetes, which came as a sudden surprise (as opposed to a slow surprise?) to me and the rest of my family. I'm dealing with it pretty well and we have things very nearly under control, so once I get my habits down I can get a pump and go from sticking myself with needles 5-7 times a day to 3 times a day, and then hopefully to just once every 3 days or so. Yippee!
Write a blog entry a week: Here's looking at ya! I'm already nearly two weeks behind, so I suppose we'll just count by business weeks, eh? This one I'll just need to keep plodding upon, and some weeks I'll post more, some less, but always at least one, even if it's just before midnight on Saturday!
Actually put up a decent website for myself: I currently own two domain names, and my dad got me a third, but right now they're just parked. I'd love to look into a hosting solution (media server multitakser maybe?) and putting up a real, actual website about myself, with resume and other info useful for those interested in hiring someone like myself.
Move my blog to that site/URL: Once I get the website up, I'll probably want to attach a blog to it. I haven't decided yet whether I'll simply move this blog over, or start up a new personal blog, or have two blogs, this informal life-related one and another more professional and documentarily focused. Of course, that's definitely a ways down, but hopefully not too far along!
Read a book a month: I really want to read more, and times to escape into literature will be harder and harder to come by, I'm sure. I'd love to get up to reading a book a week, but I doubt that'll happen till I retire. For now we'll just say a full fiction or non-fiction novel every month. There are some good books in the library with suggestions on classic literatures to read each month, but I think I'll just find a list of 'must-read's, cross off the 'have-read's, and start from there.

And now we start getting into longer-term goals. I'll get into those next week, when I continue fulfilling my resolutions for the year.

Marriage quotes

2009-10-03T01:35:00.002-05:00

I've been enthralled with the idea of marriage lately... and thought that a late night scouring of the internet might bring up some interesting quotes. Turns out I was right. Please comment with your thoughts, good or bad, on any of these.

If you want to leave your mate simply because there is something about them you don't like, you're going to want to leave every mate you ever get, because there's bound to be something you don't like about each one.

No matter how orderly a woman is by nature, it is a mistake for her to always be putting her husband in his place.

The word "engagement" has two meanings: in war it's a battle, in courtship it's surrender.

Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person!--It is a matter of being the right person!

People wouldn't get divorced for such trivial reasons if they didn't get married for such trivial reasons.

Marriage is a sexual relationship, or you could have simple stayed good friends.

Marriage: Trust is the start of it, joy is a part of it & love is the heart of it.

The Bible rules for marriage are still the ideal & work very well with God's help & your patience, if given half a chance.

A woman needs her love expressed in loving care, even more than loving sex.

Except Thou build it, Father,
The house is built in vain;
Except Thou, Saviour, bless it,
The joy will turn to pain;
But none can break the marriage
Of hearts in Thee made one,
And the Love Thy Spirit hallows
Is endless love begun.

If your mate loves you and loves the Lord, then he or she also loves others and wants to help them.

Ask God for His love for each other, or you'll never make it--as a marriage

Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
--I Corinthians 7:2-4

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
--Gary Busey

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.
--Amy Grant

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
--King Vidor

In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.
--H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
--Dave Meurer

Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.
--Euripedes Antigone

Therefore the Christian heart, since it has been thoroughly persuaded that all things happen by God's plan, and that nothing takes place by chance, will ever look to him as the principal causes of things, yet will give attention to the secondary causes in their proper place.
--John Calvin

The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life.
--James L. Christensen

Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives.
--Henri Nouwen from Some Quotable Christian Quotes

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
--Corinthians: 13:4-8

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
--The Book of Common Prayer: Solemnization of Matrimony

Love without faith is as bad as faith without love.
--Henry Ward Beecher

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
--I John 3:18

"It is better to light the candle, than chase away the darkness"

Qualities of a good marriage

By Maria Fontaine

So much has been said and written about marriage—much of it rather complicated or seemingly contradictory—that I was curious as to what Jesus would have to say on the subject. He has such a wonderful way of explaining things simply, clearly, and positively that I was sure He could put things in perspective. So I asked Him to summarize some of the main qualities of a good marriage, and He did. Here's the message He gave:

Marriage wasn't meant to be so complicated or difficult that only a few could do it successfully. It's within the reach of nearly everyone. It's also what will make most people happiest and their lives most meaningful, productive, and satisfying, because it's a basic part of God's plan for mankind. No one excels in all of the following areas, of course, so don't be discouraged if you feel you fall short in some. Just do your best and ask Me to help you with the rest.

Putting Me first.: It's a spiritual law that when you put your time with Me first, both alone and with your husband or wife, everything else falls into place. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these [other] things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).
Unselfishness.: Selfishness is at the root of most marriage problems. For a marriage to work, both partners need to put the happiness of the other before their own. That's real love—the kind that lasts.
I want to see you succeed in marriage and as individuals, and I'm the Answer Man. I can make mountains of problems melt away.
Willingness to recognize and work on problems.: Most of the problems that sink marriages start small but grow out of hand because the couple fails to deal with the problems soon enough. Often they tell themselves that the problem will go away if they ignore it or when circumstances change, but that passive approach seldom works. Those with the strongest marriages are those who learn to face their problems head-on and take active steps to overcome them together.
Good communication.: In order to understand and meet each other's needs, as well as to unite to overcome problems, good communication is a must.
Forgiveness.: A readiness to forgive is a key to a solid, secure marriage. Be quick to apologize for any hurtful words or actions you may have directed at your wife or husband.
Being supportive.: To make your marriage all it can be, dwell on each other's good qualities and always look for ways to bring out the best in each other, rather than belittle, criticize, or nag.
Teamwork.: Discuss and agree on goals and priorities, and learn to tackle problems together. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
Consideration.: Being considerate of each other's feelings, likes and dislikes, time, and energy not only says "I love you" in a most convincing and endearing way, but it also relieves stress, prevents friction, and keeps lots of little problems from ever happening.
Affection.: You'd be surprised at how many marriages fall short because of a lack of outward affection. Vocal expressions of your love for one another are also important, but sometimes touching, kissing, and hugging can convey love and reassurance even better. They are physical manifestations of inward feelings.
Equality.: Equality means involving each other in decisions, parenting your children together, and sharing financial and household responsibilities, but it goes deeper than that. It's not just a matter of scheduling or dividing the workload equally, but of valuing and respecting each other so each one's strengths can come to the fore.
Admiration.: Few things boost self-esteem or make people want to succeed in the truly important things of life more than hearing that their good qualities are noticed and admired. Sharpen your appreciation of the wonderful person you married, and watch him or her become even more wonderful.
Reaching out to others.: Even if you seem to be the most compatible couple in the world and feel completely satisfied and secure in each other's company, in order for your marriage to thrive, you both need other friends. Others can help you grow in ways that your husband or wife can't, so your marriage will actually be strengthened as you each spend time and do things with others.
A sense of humor.: "A merry heart does good, like medicine" (Proverbs 17:22). Lighten up a little and you'll find that most of the everyday inconveniences, annoyances, and problems you face aren't so bad after all.
Optimism.: Optimism—the tendency to believe and expect the best—linked to faith in Me nearly always pays off big, because I love to reward faith. Conversely, few things can drag down a marriage faster than pessimism—expecting the worst and complaining about the downside of situations.
Including Me.: I want to see you succeed in marriage and as individuals, and I'm the Answer Man. I can make mountains of problems melt away, and I can make your dreams come true, but there's one condition: Include Me. You'll be amazed at what the three of us can accomplish together!
A word of Love for you.

The beginning of the end?

2009-08-25T19:22:00.003-05:00

Plans never work out the way you intend them to.
This I have learned. Or at least learned to live with the fact.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
It's important to know, to trust in the One who does know where you're headed, or rather where He wants to guide you and how He wants to shape you. Too often I try to forge my own path to satisfy my desires. It seems to be a recurring theme here on this blog. Let me tell you the most recent ways it relates.

The Army vs. diabetes thing is not looking too good right now. I think it's still a matter of eating right and exercising, but I haven't exercised for the past three weeks at least, and have indulged in sweets and desserts way too much before coming back to school. Then, once I get here, all the food is starchy (as in potatoes and breads and pasta and stuffs, not pressed shirts. :-p) and thus loaded with carbs, which is what I need to be avoiding. So, I've checked my sugar a few times since arriving in Texas, and it's been lower each time, but all three were above my "acceptable" threshold, which has me a little concerned. However, I think that once I start running again and continuing to avoid breads and desserts for the most part (60 carbs is not much of a meal when you've got a heaping plate of pizza and pasta in front of you), I'll be back on the road to enlistment. Then comes a lab test in September or October, and that will most likely determine if I decide to pursue them any further.

Ok, enough of the Army. On to another area/era that's coming to a close in my life is my undergrad status. I hesitate to say my college life, because I'd love to stay in school, if it weren't for the school. Getting married is a very appealing option, but not for me at the moment. Maybe if no Army, definitely after Army. Army Army Army. Where was I again? Oh right, College. So this is the first day of classes for the last semester of my current college career. I graduate in December, and then it's world wide open. Oh boy.

Presently, I'm working at a local gym/recreational outreach center called, unsurprizingly, The ROC. I was hoping to work 16 hours a week in the evenings working on homework, but it looks like that's gonna get cut in half because there's another guy who was here before me that wants to work as well. Drats. So, not making as much as I wanted, but at least I have a guaranteed 8 hours each week. Also trying to get into the Network side of Network Services, but my roommate helped out over the summer and thus has higher priority now. Another closing door.

It's time to start looking at other options. I need to send out feelers all over to see if there's anyone (other than the Army) willing to hire me, and at a wage that will pay rent and other bills. Unless I live at home and get a government job, I'll need to find an apartment. I could live with a friend, but that may not be optimal. We shall see what develops, but I'd really rather not live at home, if only because that would require hauling ALL my stuff ALL the way back to Maryland, and I'm pretty sure it won't all fit in our van and my car. (YAY CAR!)

Not sure what else to put down, so I guess I'll sign off now. If you'd rather hear about something other than the Army or college or relationship whining, please tell me so. Then again, if that's the case, you probably stopped reading my blog long ago. :-p

Adios!
-Gilligan

Military Progress: Part Deux

2009-07-26T14:45:00.001-05:00

So it appears that there may be more complications than I'd originally expected. Turns out my pee is too sweet, or in less crude terms, my initial urinalysis resulted in an abnormally high glucose count. This has resulted in me being sent to various doctors and getting multiple lab works done to make sure I'm not actually diabetic. It's looking like I'm probably pre-diabetic, but that should be remedied by better diet and more exercise. Ugh. But that is necessary anyway if I'm to be a healthy recruit. I've been given a blood-tester-thing to check my sugar every once in a while and have been using it fairly regularly. At least once a day or so. A good healthy reading should be below 100, or below 140 two hours after a meal. My total average has been between 95-105, but I've only gotten about 9 tests in, so we'll see what the latest lab test says. Also, I haven't always waited the full two hours, and have snuck some sweets in here and there, but I have been running almost every other day now.

All that to say, that if I am determined to be officially diabetic (Type II if so), I won't be able to pursue the Army and all of its benefits any longer. BUT if I'm only pre-diabetic (more likely), I'll be able to go ahead with those plans. This has become the only blocking factor for my Army thoughts, and if God doesn't want me in the Army He'll let me know. Of course, I think it's best to be healthy no matter what, both physically and spiritually, so I think I'll go read some Romans again, and do some homework.

Ta ta for now!
!! >> Gilligan

Military Investigation

2009-06-21T16:45:00.002-05:00

No, they aren't investigating me, I'm looking into them. My oldest cousin Dave has decided he's going to join the Marines, which is awesome, and I'm happy for and proud of him. He invited me to a pool function (code for recruitee meet, where they run physical tests and give a little bit of instruction, punctuated by fun and games some weekends), and that got me thinking about joining once I've graduated from college. (I've got one semester left, no reason to quit now!) However, I'm interested in a girl, so that's a factor, but I've found out that being married in the military isn't so bad, and she's probably not too interested in me anyways. But even if I have to wait four more years for that chapter to unfold, God's looking out for me no matter what.

I figure being in the military would be a good experience for me, and would give me many benefits, including more self-discipline, self-respect, leadership and authority, as well as giving me a guaranteed job and practice of skills that I've been learning in school to do. (They do have IT in the military, believe it or not!) Well, the Marines will give me all of that, and they are quick to remind me of the "intangibles" that all Marines get, including teamwork, punctuality, leadership skills, and many more that I can't remember right now. But! The army is offering something that's a bit more attractive to me at this point in life: Elimination of debt.

I currently "own" a car and am making payments on that, and I have a cell phone that I pay to use every month, but that's pretty much it. Once I get out of college though, I'll need to pay off my loans, buy and furnish a house, (get married, maybe), and other large expenses that shock many fresh-out-of-college folks. With the Army, they will pay back up to $65,000 of my college loans, and depending on what MOS (Military Occupation Specialty) I choose, there is a small possibility I may get up to $40,000 in sign-up bonuses. (highly unlikely I'll get even $20,000, but it's something to keep in mind) The most important thing though, is the flexibility I have in choosing my MOS. When I sign up, I get to order the available jobs they have in preference, and they have the perfect job for me, an Information Technology Specialist (MOS 25B. Check out this Youtube video.) Now, if I choose to be an Officer, one of my top three has to be combat-related, but that's not too big of a deal for me.

I could also become a Data Communications Specialist in the Marines, but that's about the only job that's close enough to what I want, and since they are a smaller branch, it's less likely I'll be able to get it, and more likely I'll be thrust into the fit of battle. The Army's selection process is performance based, based on how well you do in Basic Training, and in either force I don't find out what MOS I'll get till the end, but if I do well in the Army, I get closer to first pick, as opposed to the Marines, who would pick it for me. Of course, my life is forfeit to whichever branch I'd choose, so choice is limited anyways. There are also Intelligence options, which would be cool and require me to get clearances even above Secret, some even Top Secret clearance.

Also, the Army's website is much more informative than the Marine's, which isn't a total killer, except I have to go to other sources to find out specifics on what's available and the processes behind the Marines. I suppose that's to help keep up the high, mysterious, and honored image that the Marines have, not that they need the website for that. I know that the Marines are tougher, and more unified, so I may consider them again, but after the Army. Which is another thing. The minimum required active duty in the Army is 3 years (again, depending on the MOS), and after that I can move to Inactive Reserves, get an approval to get out of the Army's Individual Ready Reserve (IRR), and enlist in the Marines. I may want to become a Commissioned Officer though, which would extend my stay in whichever branch, but they get paid at least half-again what I'd be making as an enlisted man, until I got into the Non-Commissioned Officer ranks. Anywho, it's a lot of information to take in, and not all of it is relevant to y'all, but I figured I'd be fairly thorough.

In the end, I'm leaning more towards the Army, mainly because of the possibilities, but also because of the financial benefits that the Marines don't offer. After that, I may look towards the Marines, but who knows, they might try and shove my time as "Ain't Ready (to be a) Marine Yet" down my throat, which would not be the most pleasant experience. I'll probably just become a civilian again. (IF I choose to go into the military in the first place! ;-p)

Summer plans?

2009-06-02T23:30:00.003-05:00

This post idea stolen from Rachelskirts and gRegorLove:

Most of these ideas aren't original, but they're still fun, and I won't get to all of them this summer, but they're still nice goals. What are yours?

Fly a kite.

Make s'mores.

Go to a water park.

Eat corn on the cob.

Finish 4 Certification exams.

Watch movies at the drive-in.

Read a book from the library every month.

Finish cleaning/re-arranging my desk/room.

Eat a funnel cake made at home with my brother.

Finish reading all the books I've started over the years.

Spend an evening looking at stars through the telescope with my sister.

Scan in all mom's picture albums and organize them in a Flickr account for posterity.

Read some other good books (recommendations welcome).

Work up to 75 crunches in 2 minutes, and 20 pullups.

Challenge my little brother to a game of HORSE.

Finish reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Eat at at least two barbecues.

Run 3 miles every other day.

Take French lessons.

Blog more regularly.

Dance in the rain.

Catch fireflies.

PROFIT!

Long Distance? Don't.

2009-05-31T15:33:00.005-05:00

Every body says the same thing. . . and everybody is wrong. There are only a FEW exceptions that I know of. I can only think of one off the top of my head, and they were excellent, upstanding, Christian people as far as I know. I think I may even try and get some man-school lessons from the Boy this coming semester.

However, this does bring up a good point. As long as there is consistent, good, honest, open communication between the parties, there is a chance the "Long distance thing" will work.

Irony. At it's best.

2009-05-23T01:01:00.002-05:00

Oddly enough, as I'm reading this comic, I'm sitting on a couch, READING A WEB-COMIC when I should be sleeping or studying/working. Hm.

*Taken without permission, linked for blah blah...zzzzzzzzz*

ADDicted

2009-05-19T00:56:00.001-05:00

And this one just made me think. And go to bed. It's freaking 2 in the morning!

*Courtesy: Piled Higher & Deeper. Taken without permission, but linked for attribution*

Proper posture

2009-05-19T00:26:00.005-05:00

This comic strip immediately made me sit up straight.

*Courtesy: Piled Higher & Deeper. Taken without permission, but linked for attribution*

Life and choices

2009-05-18T13:04:00.002-05:00

Well, this summer has been a bit of a disappointment lately, as there aren't that many jobs on the horizon (read: 0) and I'm behind in my online course material. So today I will be stopping by Denny's and a local Temp Agency or two. Maybe I can find some work somewhere. Dad's got a website he wants put together, so I may be able to gain some income from that. I need money more than ever this summer because my parents got me that new car I mentioned, but with the stipulation that if I can't pay for insurance through the school year, I won't be taking it out with me. Plus, I need to pay back the back-debt that Dad has kept for me with my insurance and cell phone bills. And while I don't need that car, it'd be very excellent for getting an off-campus job that I have a chance at next semester.

Also, there are friends going through some tough times, some making good decisions, others not so much, but mostly there's a bunch of confusion and waiting. So I'm praying for them, that things will work out for the best, and that I don't get in the way of anything important, as I tend to do it seems.

In other news, I'm getting dangerously close to the real world, as I'll be graduating in December. I need to brush up my networking skills and find some place that's willing to take a fresh CIS grad for a few years or more. I may even be able to do some consulting on the side, but first I need to grab some certifications, which are mad expensive, but worth it I'm sure.

And now for the predictable song lyrics, this time from Carrie Underwood and her song "Lessons Learned". Enjoy:

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some better endings
Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all all over again
But it don't really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger
Oh, some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were
Lessons learned

. . .

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should've taken
Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don't make no difference
The past can't be rewritten
You get the life you're given
Oh, Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were
Lessons learned

. . .

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

Major events summary - Spring '09

2009-05-05T11:51:00.003-05:00

SO. There's a lot going on, and I'm not quite sure what's gonna happen this summer. Here's a brief recap:

I've gotten through another semester of school, though I'm not really sure that I got C's or better in all my classes. I've got a B for sure in at least two of my classes, but currently carrying a D in two others before the final, and no idea about the fifth. Won't find about those until tomorrow, so here's hoping.

I've got two summer courses, Intertestamental Period and Romans, so we'll see how those go. I'm interested in the information presented, and they are online so it might be a bit easier, but I don't know how the quizzes will be.

I still need to find a job for the summer, and the options range from driving cars back and forth to dealerships for my dad to working at the IT department of a local hospital, to being a fitness guy at the new YMCA by my house. I may even look around for waitering jobs if nothing else comes through.

Also, and this is really exciting... I HAVE A NEW CAR! My parents bought me a 2001 Corolla LE. It's silver/grey/"Mica" So we'll be driving that out as well as the van when I go back to school in the Fall.

Speaking of school, I need to not get any D's (unlikely), or else I'm on my own for college next semester, as per my agreement with Dad. I'm already set up with responsibilities and maybe even a job next semester at LETU, so I'll be alright as long as I find enough work to pay for most of it, like my roommate did. (Un)fortunately that means I'll have to step up the responsibility a bit more, but I only need 13 more credits, so keeping up with the schoolwork shouldn't be too bad. I've finally got a schedule that will allow me to work non-stop during the day, have half an hour for breakfast, and hour for lunch, and a 2-hour dinner, then studying afterwards. I finally also realized that I CAN break up big assignments into 20 or 30 minute chunks, and NOT have to have a certain thing done before I can move on to the next assignment. That's what's killed me before. Big assignment = "ACK! What do I do? It's too big for right now, so I guess I'll put it off till later when I have more time... oh wait. It's due tomorrow! OK, late night it is!"

So, yeah... the summer is moving on... and now I'm off to the Y to ask about that job.

Boring? Bah Psh.

2009-03-25T20:22:00.002-05:00

So, back when I said it was boring in Chicago, I lied. Boring is not sitting in a room with three friends chatting about randomness... Boring is sitting in a room alone staring at a homework assignment that is large and due in the next few weeks.

Boring is not watching a movie with three friends and making funny jokes at every cliché and faux-pas and random silly stuff that happens. Boring is sitting in the cafeteria alone in a booth because you got there earlier than all your friends and no one has picked out a regular table yet.

Boring is not gallivanting around Chicago and going long distances the wrong way on a bus before an hour train ride late at night after an all-nighter playing Mario Kart with three friends... No.

Chicago was not boring. Boring only happens when I'm just tired enough to not care, but not so tired that the smallest thing is funny. Also, when I'm too lazy to go find some friends to hang out and do anything with.

Boring is not a necessary requirement for life, nor does it need be a natural state that things fall into.

Live un-boring lives!

Sure, the moments will come when you don't feel like doing anything, and go ahead and rest every once in a while, but as long as you have friends around, that's easy to remedy. Even when you're alone, anything can be made a game or an adventure.

Who knows what we can accomplish... in the boring moments of life?

Life in Chicago

2009-03-19T14:45:00.002-05:00

A bit more boring than I'd expected... But hey, it's pretty good anyways, and I'm enjoying my break because of it. :-)

I should definitely be doing some homework, but instead I'm catching up on blogs and chatting with friends, and blogging. Life's not so bad.

Not really too much else to report in the land of Gilligan... relationships are all going decently, and school... well I'm still behind, but that should be fixed by the end of today, or this week at least.

Watched Office Space last night for the first time. It was pretty funny, but not as gut-bustingly hilarious as I thought it would be. Still a good movie about the horrors of cubicle life. A bit like Dilbert, but definitely not a direct copy whatsoever. Other movies watched this week include: The Great Mouse Detective, Terminator, Casino Royale, and Doug's First Movie. All decent flicks, except for the last, which made me want to watch some episodes of Doug to get the new voice of Doug out of my head... The movie was done by Disney, who used a different voice actor than they had when the show was on Nickelodeon. I want my 90's television back dangit!

Freeverse prayer

2009-02-07T23:59:00.000-06:00

This is personal.

She's not mine, Lord. She is Yours.
She was never mine, and how I've been the fool.
Thinking I could own things, thinking I knew.
Grasping on to hope apart from you.
I tried to hold on to that from which I wanted love,
Planning things out without thinking from above.
Thinking I deserved her, thinking she deserved me.
What could I do? What could I say?
Humans are fragile, humans are frail.
We are precious, and only you can tell
What we really need, who we really are.
Without you behind me I am empty, lost beyond words.
Only with you can I be the man I should be.
The man I need to be. Not just for her, but for me.
Not just for me, but for You. Because you love me.
Help me love you, Lord, as only you can.
Grow me from this misery,
Push me through this pain.
Kill this jealousy, grow your kindness.
Make me a better person through it all.
I pray not only for myself, but for her as well.
I thank you for the kind heart you have given her.
I pray that I may not have wounded it more than You can heal.
I know that You can.
Take me at my word, for I am worth not much more.
Speak your words of Life, Hope, Courage and Strength.
Humility, Power, Meekness and Wisdom.
I need You. I need Your love.
I need Your comfort. I need Your guidance.
More than anything else, I need You.

Statistically significant

2009-02-04T18:14:00.006-06:00

HAHAHAHA!!! This is my exact method for determining whether or not someone is "together", whether or not it's official. :-p (Ok, maybe not totally exactly, but it's the whole "Normal friends don't spend that much time with each other." bit. ;-) Of course, if one doesn't get out much anyways, it can throw off your numbers. Oh well.)

Song Lyrics Soothe the Soul

2009-01-31T16:26:00.003-06:00

Miserable Exaggeration
by John Reuben

Inconsistent my feelings change quicker than
I can get the words out
And tell you what I'm thinking
Inconsistent I don't have much grace or patience
I hold this grudge and my tongue no further statements
It plays out in my mind
All the lost words I could have used to describe
And even though it's left such a bad taste in my mouth
I guess I'd rather swallow my pride than spit it out

(Chorus)
What a miserable exaggeration
Happier said than done
What a wasted conversation
In my head everyone was listening
Everyone was interested

Failure cuts the spirit to hear
That's why I have to let my pride interfere
I'll take it from there
If you see me acting differently
Don't worry
That's just me dialogging with me internally
About the hypothetical over-analytical
Still what do I know
Central Ohio's grey skies provide a lot of time to be stuck inside
Close the world out
Introvert's paradise

(Chorus)

It's that wishy washy topsy turvy monotony
I've been here before both emotionally and logically
You know that you know until the wind blows
It's as easy as no and as hard as no
People-pleasers never win
Spread yourself too thin
It's best to just do what you feel in the end
But you'll change how you feel for the sake of the truth
When the world you're living in becomes bigger than you

(Chorus x2)

The last verse is what gets me... I've been getting better at committing to a thought process once I've thought about it for a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately the most important commitment in my life recently has been made too late, so I have to let go and let God deal with me and life... again and again.
Patience: I had it, but then I lost it for this... jealousy. Darn that stupid selfish nature.
Pray that I can let go, live my own life, and let God take care of the details.

-Gilligan (one day at a time)

Life is too complicated.

2009-01-07T20:02:00.003-06:00

I want to give up, really I do. Not on life, but on the whole relationship thing... maybe. But I don't really... I want the love and the affection, just not the mistrust and the bickering and the fighting... I want to go back in time and fix my mistakes... but then that would just postpone them, right? I don't think so, if I went back with the knowledge I have now. 9th grade might be a good starting place. I'd do well in high school, get all A's, come to LeTourneau, get an honor's scholarship, keep a 4.0 GPA (or at least a 3.0), hang out with all my friends, try not to creep them out as I got to know them again... make better decisions with the relationships I make (Not lose any, but make them better than they are now), and be more assertive with what I want or don't want, or like or dislike, and such and such.
Life would be different if I had God-like powers, but I don't, and probably for good reason... somewhere.
God, teach me to be assertive. Lead me through the path to great leadership. Instruct me to rest in you... and get your Holy Spirit to get me to listen. :-/ Help me not to grab or take by force things that shouldn't be mine, and give me grace when I fail at doing the right thing. Give others grace to deal with me as well. I thank you for the grace you've given so far... it's been good.

Stephen *tripping*

Birthday times!

2008-12-18T00:45:00.004-06:00

So, it was my birthday today... er, yesterday, by now. I'm now officially 21, and my sister is 17 and a half... both kinda scary thoughts. I can now legally drink intoxicating beverages and my sister is only 6 months away from being able to get a credit card. *shudders* Ooh the responsibility.

What have I done today? Not too much, actually. I woke up around 11:30ish I think, then got up a while later and took a shower before getting dressed and ready for the day. My mom and I went to Goodwill and bought some new (old) pants, which I thought were pretty spiffy. Consignment shops are tomorrow, because I woke up too late to get much done. Then I went home while Mom did some picking up of siblings and other errandy-stuff, and then we went out to get out family Christmas pictures taken. The actual picture taking part went just as smooth as can be, but the paying-for part with special-coupons-that-are-printed-on-the-same-card-but-not-combinable part was not so fun for my mom, but I'm sure her gray hairs welcomed a few newcomers to the fold.

Then we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant called Bacoli Delight, down in Essex. It was pretty dang good for a small establishment such as it was. I had Veal Chesapeake, which included Veal Medallions, crab, and large shrimp over fettuccine and covered in some sort of sauce... I forget what it was called, but it was goood... I've still got some left over in the fridge.

I got my birthday gift from my parents, which was a box with a bunch of small items I'd asked for on my wishlists this year. I'd honestly forgotten about that and was genuinely pleased when I got the stuffs, and then Dad made the remark "Isn't it great you got all this stuff you really wanted?" (or something similar), at which point I thought "Oh yeah! I did have a wishlist for presents and stuff. Sweet!" Of course, I was still just as thankful, and I think I'll keep the wishlist around for future years, though I won't be in college much longer to take advantage of it, just one more birthday, and I'll be graduating then. More presents! Yay! :-p

Afterwards we came home and had some light conversation over great cake that my mom made herself (*applauds*) before plopping down in front of our respective screens, me catching up on some video podcasts I'd stopped watching while at school (darn bandwidth cap), and my brother watching some cool shows on the Discovery channel. Now it's getting late and I'll probably go to bed in a few moments, so I just want to thank all of you who wished me a happy birthday today. I appreciate it.

-Gilligan

Even MORE thoughts from Relient K

2008-12-09T10:52:00.003-06:00

If you haven't guessed by now, I like Relient K's music.

"Come Right Out And Say It"

I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up

[Chorus]

And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)

Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking

Also,
Life's tough.
Leaders push through the difficulty.
Good leaders do it on their own.
Better leaders don't.
The best leaders take their direction from God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-28T19:34:00.003-06:00

Well, it's that time of year again... Time for all of the US to spend as much as they can, saving a bunch that they would have spent otherwise, and will still spend anyways. :-p I however, have spent too much this fall, and thus didn't participate in this year's camp-out in front of Best Buy, Target, and Radio Shack. But oh well. I've got a 16 GB flash drive waiting for me when I get back from break.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch in roughly the same position I've been in since 11 this morning. :-) I've been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Deb, Dano's older sister, down in Austin for the whole break. I'm also torrenting the whole series so I won't have to be stuck in the sofa for the rest of the weekend. :-p I've seen some of the episodes so I can skip those, and also, my computer has PAUSE. :-) Very important.

In other news, I'm still plodding along in my life and studies... and relationships. :-/ Unfortunately, hanging around Laura, she gets jealous of EVERY new female I come in contact with. I know it's just jealousy... and I'm happy for her being with Andrew, she's trying to be good, even though she fails sometimes too. I'm trying to help her with that but nobody's perfect.

Of course, she may have a reason to be jealous, because there are girls that I think would be good candidates for pursuit, (though putting it that way makes it sound like a game or a business venture, it's not that at all.) I'm just not dating anyone and don't plan to for a while (The semester's end is near, but the future is unclear as usual.) *sigh* God help me, please.

On a final note, seeing the SAME 15 commercials OVER and OVER and OVER all day long... is really freaking annoying. However, I do get multiple chances to pick out every single detail. My sarcasm muscles are getting an excellent workout.

That's all for now I suppose, I can't wait for Christmas break, but I need to prepare for the summer and other stuff in the future. Yay planning. :-/

-Gilligan

Woah... long time.

2008-11-11T20:16:00.003-06:00

So, long time no blog... dang. more than a month.

Well then, let's see... what has happened since September 28th? hmm... well, to put it mildly, lots. I've had 3 Business Law tests, 2 Networks tests, 3 Financial Management tests (two of which I finished late... darn take-homes), one Managerial Accounting test (a midterm) and a few case studies, and a Database test or two. I have not done the two or three Programming assignments for Networks, nor have I completed all of the SQL exercises for Databases. I have seen one play/production at the school, Tomas' Kubinek... lunatic extraordinaire or something like that. I'm passing 4 out of 5 classes with A's as of midterms (really need to get on those programming assignments...) and I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving break. :-D Whew. that's a lot of school.

As far as life in general goes, I'm doing pretty good I suppose. A few major hiccups in the general routine here and there, but so far it's been fairly smooth. I've rediscovered the amazing results that not-procrastinating can do, namely: things get done! Incredible, I know.

In the realm of relationships, things have been tipsy-turvy emotionally, but outwardly they've been pretty darn smooth. The ex is now dating someone, so I'm glad for that. There was still the possibility we might get back together, but that was putting a big strain on me, possibly my own fault, 'cause I've set a deadline of the spring for a yes or no on that... things can't really flow naturally when you put a deadline on relational decisions... Speaking of which, there was a major bump in the road... and I mean REALLY major... like life decisions flashing before my eyes (almost literally, in fact) back in the middle of October... I did get back together with Laura, but then reason got the better of me and I broke it off 26 hours later... because I'd made a promise not to date at all this semester. :-/ In the end, I realize it was a rash decision, but I'm pretty sure I would have been pleased with the results, but I'm still good this way, and I think it might be better.

I'm looking out for new friends to hang out with, and still keeping in touch with the ones I love, namely Dano and Laura, my two best friends. I hope to carry their relationships with me until the day I die.

Speaking of new relationships, I'm also looking for a mentor to help guide me through life a little bit, someone whose brain I can pick every so often about questions I've got about this or that. Still haven't found one, but I haven't been looking extremely hard either. I've emailed one guy, my RD's husband, but he hasn't responded, so I'm questioning whether I sent it to the wrong email address... I'll probably just go down and knock on their door once I'm done writing this.

Another thing that happened was the (bi?)annual Career Fair hosted by LeTourneau... which gave me a few contacts for internships and co-ops for this summer. I'm hoping to get paid, but there's an opportunity through Gospel for Asia that seems really intriguing and something I'm quite interested in. It's a small operation managing their administration, so I'd get to wear a lot of hats, managing a network, databases, help desk, even some web development, front and back end stuffs... so all in all it'll give me a bigger taste of real-world problems and hopefully set me off in the right direction for the rest of my career, which might even be with them for a long while.

A last word of wisdom, from me to you, and advice for us both:
We've all got some growing to do. The one person to stick your life together with is not someone that is perfect (aside from Jesus, no one is), but someone that is committed to improvement, and continual devotion to Christ, the supreme ruler and example for us all. :-) So don't try to be perfect, but strive for it daily, and don't get discouraged when you fail. We all do, and God loves us anyways.

More Thoughts from Relient K

2008-09-28T19:53:00.002-05:00

Nothing Without You
Relient K

Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll deliver what's expected of me
Let's make believe we're all okay
Or better yet pretend
We're doing better
Than we've ever been
I think it's safe to say
That we've forgotten what regret's worth

Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance

We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Unmask ourselves
And we'll find...

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)

I've given up on acting
Like I'm perfect
I advise you all
To do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced
To feeling ashamed
Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain
But I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back
As soon as God lets me

Cause that's exactly
What a catastrophe is
Ignoring warnings
Thinking kids will be kids will be
A delusion
Kept at a distance
I think it's strange to have to
Fight resistance

We're gonna get it right for the first time
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right
Gonna get it right for the first time
Cause when we try it alone
Then we find...

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)

(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars
Only because it's Yours

We're nothing
We're nothing without You
We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x2)

(And it's been brought to my attention
That nothing's really worth the mention)
We're nothing
We're nothing without You
(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

We're nothing
We're nothing without You

We're nothing
We're nothing
We're nothing without You (x3)

Deodorant and God

2008-09-16T09:27:00.004-05:00

So, I changed my deodorant a little while ago, and thought nothing of it.
Then yesterday I was poking around Digg, and came across GoodGuide.com, a new site designed to help you make good choices when buying products, so that you can support companies and products that are good for the environment and good for you.

I was poking around and clicking on random categories, and one of the first I went to was Men's deodorant, cause every guy needs deodorant, right? (Answer: YES.) As it turns out, my new deodorant choice, Degree Clean Slate, was one of the top rated deodorants there. This is a good thing. :-)

That got me thinking metaphorically, (because really, what doesn't?) and I thought about how much of a jerk I've been recently (Amazingly enough a sinful human like myself CAN be completely self-centered and blinded by false passions... who knew?), and how God has given, or is willing to give me a clean slate as long as I'm willing to turn everything over to Him, again. It really stinks when you realize that your plan for things really won't turn out that great for anyone involved. That's when I have to simply throw my hands up and say "It's all yours, God! It never was mine in the first place. Forgive me for being selfish and screwing things up. Help me to follow you, and mend my mistakes as only You can. Thank you for teaching me through this, and give me your strength and wisdom that I might not sin against you and others in the future."

Now that I've done that... I need to make sure to keep it in God's hands, and to try and follow His will, wherever that may lead my life.

Pictures = Words*1000

2008-09-04T15:14:00.003-05:00

I stole this idea from Teal, who stole it from someone else. It's a fun and thought-provoking project, and I love the way the images flow together.
So here goes. The rules were:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose 3 columns with 4 rows.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your favorite animal.

And this is the result:

1. Saint Stephen's Basilica, 2. Italian food., 3. Jesus, sculpted by Bertel Thorvaldsen, 4. DIY: Black Straws Snoot Grid_001, 5. An Olsen Twin??!??....ackkkkkk!!!, 6. Chai (Tea) and Moth Smoke..., 7. World's Largest Cruise Ship III, 8. An Enticing Array of Toothsome Dessert..., 9. Smart home, 10. Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club, 11. Beavers Breakfast, 12. Cute cat

1) First name is Stephen, and that's a picture of St. Stephen's something-or-other.
2) Favorite food is Italian. Maybe it wasn't fair to choose an entire genre, but I like all food in general, so it's tough to pick.
3) High school was Redeemer Classical Christian School, but that didn't bring anything up, nor did "Redeemer Classical Christian". "Redeemer Classical" finally brought up this picture of a statue.
4) My favorite color is black I suppose, cause it absorbs every color. I have no idea how that picture is related.
5) I used to have a crush on the Olson twins, so I searched for olson twins.. and this is what came up. :-p
6) CHAI! 'Nough said. Not so sure about the book though. Never heard of it.
7) Dream vacation is a world cruise, so a search brought up the world's largest cruise ship, which would be awesome as well.
8) I like all desserts, so I typed in dessert, and that looks pretty tasty, I must say.
9) I want to work in home networking and automation, and this diagram of a "Smart Home" pretty much fits it well.
10) I love (or am trying to) love God first and foremost... so this "Sunset at the Garden of the Gods Club" fits, right?
11) I can definitely describe myself as a beaver. If you don't know the animal personality types, check out this blog.
12) My favorite animals are definitely cats. Big cats are awesome, but house cats rock too.

Thoughts from Relient K

2008-09-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

I don't like the steps I took
To get to look
Into your deepest feelings
And I don't like the place I'm in
Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling

Cause if I'm restless then why do I
I want nothing but to rest my soul
And I don't get this and I know why
You see sometimes things are just beyond control

But I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
I'm not surprised to find that you do
I know you do
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die too

Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which direction's the correct one
Do I discard or remake it
Cause if I don't know then I don't know
But I may know someone who knows me more than I
And If I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life

Well I don't mind
But I'm not surprised to find that you do
You see I know that I have done all this to you
To you
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
Yeah I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die
Yeah I'll curl up with you until I die with you

Things I have accomplished

2008-08-25T22:29:00.002-05:00

In the past week or two:

1. Got my unread Google Reader feeds down to 14 (from 140something)
2. Got my unread Gmail down to 0 (from 80something)
3. Drove to school (w/ my mom)
4. Unpacked.
5. Hooked up to internet. (Yay!)
6. Met old friends and talked to some new people. (Can't call them friends yet... I can't remember most of their names.)
7. Fixed a MAJOR problem with the registrar. (Finishing that up tomorrow... ugh. More details to follow)
8. Fixed a MAJOR problem with a friend. (That's mostly dealt with... no loose ends to think of at this point.)

That's about it... Ok, now for the more details.

Basically I'd been working with the school to get me re-enrolled over the summer, and hopefully pre-registered, even though I wasn't coming back as a "returning student". I'd been away for a year and thus should have done things the new-student way, but I've got connections. Which is a VERY good thing, because we got 40 or so freshmen on our floor, and I wouldn't have been able to snag a spot had I waited much longer. Anywho, on to the financial snafu. Issue one: How to get LeTourneau to receive the $30,000 loan I'd applied for... Apparently they need to certify it before they can get the money (to prove they're a legitimate school, I suppose.) That slowed things down a bit, and it still hasn't gone through, but now I have till September 8th to get it done. Whew.
Issue two: EVEN THOUGH I'd been talking with the school ALL SUMMER about getting me registered and enrolled and all that, when they asked for some papers, and I forgot to send a copy of my W-2s (and then handed them to Dad to deal with...) they assumed I'd withdrawn, thus clearing my Student affairs information, Blackboard account, classes, and financial aid. Ugh. Double ugh, and triple ugh. Luckily it all seemed to have gotten straightened out, but I still need to get some health forms re-submitted and dad needs to send in another piece of paper (apparently it's an important one) before everything is completely smoothed out. Also good is I will only have one more fall to deal with, and that will be done as a returning student. Easy, right? (Let's hope so.)

Also on the academic side of things, I've returned with more fervor for getting things done this time around, and actually achieving a 3.0 or better. It's too bad I didn't keep it before, cause then I'd still have some scholarships... and some need based aid. Ugh. I sucketh(ed). But no longer! Now all that's needed is a consistent schedule, getting ahead in class, and a heavy reliance on the One that keeps me alive. It's a good thing.

In relationships... Well specifically ones with girls, and most particularly the deep important ones, mine have had less than stellar interactions recently. Though most recently, we've had a big long talk that have put things to rest and in their place. I hope. I'm not dating for the next semester, and I'll be looking for potential mates starting in the spring, who knows if I'll find a suitable female... But I've got a year and a half left after this one. *sigh* Why can't relationships be so hard? Why can't they just work out? When they're on track, life is grand. When they take a turn for the worse, your whole world is upside down.

In the words of an excellent friend, "It's over, it's done, I'm back. Now time for trouble." Uh... well actually, scratch that second sentence. ;-)

Stephe (planning)

To all those concerned

2008-08-25T18:31:00.002-05:00

Everything's fine, or at least as good as it's gonna be for a while. I'm finally down at school, I shall post again to let y'all know what's been going on, in summary. The long and short of it is, I'm excited, and nervous, and goshdarnit gonna get B's at the very least. :-) Ta.

xkcd and CAD

2008-08-18T08:10:00.003-05:00

Lost in drama?

2008-08-07T09:15:00.003-05:00

Unlikely, but at least I think we've crested a peak. There was a lot of misunderstanding, very little actual communication, even though we were saying the same thing, there were assumptions being made and of course neither knew of the others... But now that straight answers have been given, there looks to be peace for the time being.

In other news, I just finished my last day of Physics II, and I think I completely bombed the test. Well, not a 0, but less than 50... no, less than 40% complete. :-/ But, I've got a solid B in the class so far, and I did turn in all of the homework (except for the last chapter), so I'm not too worried.

And finally, I'm leaving for Vermont in an hour or so, need to scrape up some books and make sure my library items won't go overdue on me before I get back. Also, some breakfast would be nice. mmm... eggs... Right! So I'll be out of town and most likely out of bandwidth, so don't worry all 5 of you that read this blog, I haven't died. But I may in a month... School starts up again.

Stephe(train of thoug...SQUIRRELS!)

(Note: This was originally part of the previous post, "An end to the drama?", but since more people are finding it useful for dealing with scammers, I've decided to separate out the personal life from the transaction.)

An end to the drama?

2008-08-07T09:11:00.000-05:00

Scams are funny things, even better when you catch on and try and take the guy for a ride. Here's an example of one that unfolded over this past week:

Hi
Between You and Donald Flora

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 1 at 1:07pm

Hi Jones Plz i am interested in buying your item, i will like to know if the item is still available ok..

You
August 1 at 2:03pm
Thank you for your interest, but I have already gotten another offer and am waiting for him to send payment.

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 2 at 4:44am
ok.. but in case the buyer did not turn up, plz do let me know ok..

You
August 2 at 12:14pm
Sure thing. In fact, I think that one was a scam. He wanted to set up his "shipping company" and have me wire money back to him. So, I have a question for you: Your name is Donald, but your brief profile says you're female? Where are you located? (Don't need an address, just a locale)

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 2 at 1:04pm
ok.. My full name is Donald Flora and i base in UK.. i actually want to buy your item for my collegue in West Africa Lagos, Nigeria and i will appreciate if you can send the item to him on my behalf ok.. if you can do this for me kindly get back to me with the total amount i will be sending to you including the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria ok.. and also include your full name and house address and phone number so that i can make payment to you imediately via Western Union Bidpay ok.. I wait your soonest reply..

You
August 3 at 12:53am
Nope, no thanks. I don't do international scams either.

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 3 at 8:48am
what do you mean by that my friend.. I base in Uk and i want the item for my collegue in Nigeria, i don,t mean any harm ok.. i will appreciate if you sell to me but if you don,t want to sell to me.. no problem ok.. but i am not a scammer.. Takia and have a nice weekend...

You
August 3 at 12:48pm
Sorry, but anything having to do with Nigeria and wiring money sounds fishy to me. I'll use paypal, but I don't want to ship it internationally.

Loading...
Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 3 at 1:47pm
Well i know the problem we white face with blacks most expecially Nigerians but i want you to know that we still have some good Nigerians ok.. just like we the whites, we have some good white and bad white, so i will appreciate if you are not being skeptical.. I will appreciate if you can send the item to Lagos,Nigeria and i am willing to pay for the shipping cost.. fine you want me to send you money via Paypal no problem ok.. you get me the total amount i will be remitting into your Paypal account and don,t forget to include the shipping cost to Lagos, Nigeria and i want you to send me the item description and your email address ok.. all we need is trusting each other ok. and i think i am taking more risk by sending you money first before you send the item but i don,t think i have problem with that because you sound very nice and honest.

please do this me and you wll never regret meeting or knowing me ok..

Thank you and have a lovely weekend..

Donald..

You
August 5 at 7:44pm
Alright, I'll trust you on this. Please forgive my ignorance and hesitation. Please remit $260 to the paypal account registered to stephen21236@gmail.com.
Also include the name and address where you would like me to ship it. Once I receive payment, it will take approximately 2-3 days to get the funds transferred to my bank account and shipped out. Thank you and have a good day.

Stephen

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 6 at 4:08am
Hello..

I have sent you the total sum 260$ has you have requested via paypal.. please don,t you think 2-3days is too long before you send the item down to Nigeria.. please think about that cos i want the item send down to Lagos, Nigeria before the week runs out.. this is the address you will be sending the item to Below.

A.M.KELVIN,
15,MAXWELL IJEH CRESCENT,
AGUDA,SURULERE,
LAGOS,23401.
NIGERIA,Tel.234014819214.

Please i wait the shipment tracking number as soon as you send the item to the above address ok.. thank you and is nice meeting you..

You
August 6 at 6:47am
Thank you, but I have not yet recieved an email from Paypal alerting me that I have the money in my account. I also checked my balance and recent transactions and they have not changed. As soon as I get the money I will be happy to ship it out. Perhaps you would like me to send a request for payment through paypal? What is the email address you have registered with paypal?

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 6 at 2:19pm
I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the to you.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..

Donald..

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
August 6 at 2:35pm
I already make the payment to you ok.. please check your mail box and bulk mail to confirm it ok.. if you want i can forward the invoice that was send to me after i make the payment to you by paypal.. please i will appreciate if you go ahead and send the item ok.. since is going to take 2-3days before the money will reflect in your account.. please trust me Brown you will get your money... ok.. thank you and have a niceday..

Donald..

You
August 6 at 3:27pm
Yes, please send me a copy of that invoice. I have not yet received an official email from Paypal. Also, Paypal is instant, and I should see the money in my account. I don't care who you are, I do believe you are trying to scam me, and not doing a very good job. As soon as I see the funds transferred, I will ship, but I cannot ship something without having the money to pay for it.

Donald Flora
Add as Friend
Report Message
Today at 4:01am
You sound a little bit too ash ok..i am an elderly man and i can see from your pics that you are a young man and i can never scammed a boy of your age ok..if you think this is a scam then lets cancel this transaction since you don,t trust me that much ok.. there is no need for the invoice ok.. plz makeup your mind before the day runs out ok.. i can not tolorate anymore of you insult thank you and have a niceday..

You
Today at 10:17am
Well, since I don't believe you, that's perfectly fine with me. You sent me three copies of the same fake Paypal email, with a fake transaction number and from a false email address. You haven't attempted to verify your identity against my accusations, your profile does not match the description of yourself, and you've just contradicted even your own fake email. Thank you for the amusing ride. Expect to be hearing from Facebook and Paypal soon.

Now time to go click that "Report Message" link. A lot.

5 years later, 60-70% true.

2008-07-30T16:15:00.007-05:00

Relient K - College Kids
Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do.
(Edited for accuracy. :-P)

Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what I did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in the ~~end~~ midst of it I questioned why I did

I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend
~~Sell all my books for front row tickets to Dave Matthews Band~~
My girlfriend's at another school I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had 3 other boyfriends last semester

[Chorus]
And that's why I say
~~Oh no, not for me, not for me~~
Call it torture, call it university
~~No, arts and crafts is all I need~~
~~I'll take calligraphy and then I'll make a fake degree~~

80 100 grand later I found out that all I had learned
Is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
The party scene is kinda mean, I think it's sick and twisted
~~The navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that I enlisted~~

[Chorus]

Don't get excited, she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
And I've decided college girls just won't go out with me
They make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
~~Like cell phone service I drop out 'cause college is too hard~~

It's time to call my father
~~'Cause it's his alma mater~~
Good grades aren't what they seem
~~I think he knows the dean~~
~~It's time to call my father~~
~~Cause it's his alma mater~~
He said he's proud of me
But college always was his dream (My dad did go to college, but he knew I could do better than he)
~~And I would always say it's not for me~~

[Chorus]

Phi, beta, delta, kappa
Do what will make ~~you~~ God happy
Do what you ~~feel~~ know is right
Only but one thing matters
Learn how to live your life.

5 years later and it's more relevant than ever... Except for the fact that I'm going back to school with renewed fervor and a desire to excel academically, as well as spiritually, and hopefully, eventually, relationally. But that comes later, and in whatever timing God deems appropriate. Blasted God, not fitting into my timetable. The nerve. ;-) Here's to the future! It's out of my control, and I'm fine with that! :-D (But it's scary!)

Stephen(Quivering In God's Hands)

Timing. It happens.

2008-07-28T09:41:00.005-05:00

Last Saturday I went to a session on Do Hard Things, an idea, and now a book, and a "Rebeloution" started by Alex and Brett Harris, which is a "Teenage rebellion against low expectations" as they call it. It was pretty encouraging, to see how god can use you to do hard things, and how that benefits everybody. We picked up the book and a DVD of the conference (previously recorded... :-p), and I plan to read through it before I leave for school. Hopefully I'll be able to apply it... Well, I know I'll be able to apply it somehow, with God's help, since that is the premise.

Secondly, I'd gotten pretty frustrated with a certain someone just before that, because it seemed we were in a quandary and one of us needed to make a decision. That decision hasn't come yet, but my attitude has changed about it, or rather, gotten more firm in one direction, and I'm being intentionally vague. Partly because I'm not exactly sure what's ahead, partly because it may not matter, and partly because I'd like to protect the somewhat innocent and/or guilty.

Thirdly, because of these issues, I desired to talk with a pastor about them and ask for advice, being quite blunt and honest and hoping for a direction that I realized may not come. But, it turned out that that pastor was the one giving the sermon yesterday (we have seven pastors, btw) and it happened to be on faith, and how God uses it, specifically how our flawed faith looks for God to fix the situation, when really God wants to draw us closer to him and transform our faith into a faith in Himself, rather than His actions. It was pretty intense, cause it applied to my issues at the moment, and it seemed to apply to another friend's life, and it was the pastor I'd wanted to talk to. I spoke with him briefly after church was over and asked him for a meeting sometime this week, which I need to email him about presently. We'll see how that goes.

Fourthly, I was really feeling not too great about stuff and life and myself and wanting to smack a certain person over the head, or eliminate another from the picture to make things easier... which I would never physically do, I realized. Luckily, I was going out to play paintball after church, which I was looking forward to, and hoped it would lighten my spirits possibly. So, we got there, and it was looking good for a bit, we set up the teams, and as the rules were being explained, it got really dark... an ominous sign. Then we sent everybody to their bases, and while we were waiting to start, it started to drizzle, then sprinkle, and eventually downpour... We all got soaked. I had brought my electronic gun too, so I was keeping it dry under my shirt, which didn't help too much. We played on, slowly, and after about half an hour or 45 minutes, it let up, and we kept playing. All in all, at the end of the day, I was feeling slightly better, and was ready to tackle life again and write up this post, which I didn't get to because of other distractions later, but that's another story.

In summary, God is not against me, and however He works things will be OK with me. It's alright I guess to have the control taken out of my hands, but I really wish He would give some guidance to others on the situation I'm in. Unfortunately, I can't change them, only myself. So, I will continue to work on being a competent leader, and be diligent in school and in life, and in working on relationships, which are the most important part of life.

I saw a T-shirt at the Do Hard Things seminar that had on the back of it: "Live. Love. Lead." and on the front, something like "Man School". I want that shirt, because it is a great motto to live by, and one I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life, but most pressingly in the next coming months. I also thought that there a lot of other "L" words that might be useful for life, such as "Learn", "Laugh", "Listen", and many others. I'll be editing this post with more as I find more, feel free to comment with your own wholesome additions.

Stephe(L^3)

Another fun post

2008-07-23T15:14:00.002-05:00

Not too much to report on the home front, except class is going, and I still don't have a job, and my CD is suddenly losing much of its value (in that I will have debts to pay off, and that's my only source of cash for the foreseeable future. I did however manage to land a job on campus for next semester, due to my magnificent human-networking skills... Actually it was a friend that offered me the position, by adding me to the team I'll be increasing the department's workforce by 50%. (Have some quick math, enjoy!) So, it looks like it should be alright, and I'll get some experience in a field that at least somewhat resembles what I'll be working with once I graduate. I've been fascinated by circuits as of late though... blame it on Physics II. Magnetism however, is a beast. Electric fields too, but at least those are in the scope of the course. :-/ Anywho, I digress. On to the funny! If you watch Diggnation regularly you might have already seen this one, but I thought it was pretty good. It's a list of "Twenty-five Signs You've Grown Up."
Now, I can personally attest to several of them, and of course it's from a worldview that is not my own, but on the whole it's a good list. Here are some of my favorites.

#4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

#11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (Pretty awkward, actually...)

#16. You take naps.

#21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Of course I eat it at breakfast time, I also eat it at other times. Pizza isn't bad though. ;-)

Heh, well I guess I've still got a little ways to go. I think most of them depend on me graduating from college first, so once I pass that mile marker, I'll knock several out at once. Until then, it's just a lot of hurry up and wait.

Stephe(growing)

Um... Dang.

2008-07-14T07:04:00.002-05:00

No fence sitting, please

2008-07-13T08:27:00.002-05:00

#341. Being Switzerland (Or me and the "Family Guy")
from Stuff Christians Like by Prodigal Jon
I often try my best to please everyone, but I also try to choose the best path. Usually, however, that ends up being a mediocre path, and no one really knows what's best. I do what I enjoy and judge it based on if it's not bad. This is not the right way.

... You see, sometimes I live my life as if it's possible to be Switzerland. I pretend in my head that there are three paths to choose in this world. There is God's way, satan's way and neutral. But there's not, over and over again that is established in the Bible. Jesus even says in Mark 9, "for whoever is not against us is for us."
...
But I don't live that way. I have rewritten that verse to read, "Anything that is not inherently evil or illegal is OK." That takes God out of the picture. That takes the holy and the pure out of the picture. And it leaves me watching the show, "Family Guy."
...
Here's the thing though, I trick myself into thinking it's OK because it's not technically evil. I mean porn, witchcraft, the occult, those things are clearly not healthy. Family Guy is just a crass cartoon. Drugs, stealing, lying, those are clearly sins. Family Guy is just a 30 minute television show. I could do this all day.
...
The tricky thing about this whole idea is that it's so easy to corrupt into being judgmental. For me to say, "my definition of faith is the only right one and if you don't like it you are siding with the devil. You're such a pagan."

I don't have a clear answer for that, but I do have a thought. Maybe it's not about getting one answer and then moving on with your entire life as if you've been given the formula or secret code to God. Maybe it's about doing what Paul said, putting the question of good or evil to everything we face? Maybe it's about constant use.

I will probably make 100 decisions this weekend. Instead of jumping in as fast as I can, I hope I ask myself which side am I choosing. Is this good or evil? Wrong or right?

In other words, don't sit on the fence, cause all you'll get out of it are splinters in your butt.

A thinking post. With links!

2008-07-11T17:29:00.005-05:00

So, I've got another "they said it first" post, with a little introspective commenting to spare.

#329. Arguing about the "wives submit to your husbands" idea. from Stuff Christians Like by Prodigal Jon

Don't call tasks around the house "chores."
Don't piggyback activities.
All exercise is real.
Don't say you are "babysitting" your own kids. and
Back rubs should not be timed.

#330. Saying "if only"

If only is something we Christians like to say when faced with a temptation.
...
If only is a phrase I use to medicate myself. Instead of turning to God in a time of need, I pretend the only thing that stands between me and perfect happiness is one "if only."
...
I might be the only one with an "if only" in my life. Maybe you have never thought, "If only I could get married, then I would be happy," or "If only I had a different job, then I would be worry free." But if you have, if you are at all like me, I want to propose something. I think we need to retire the phrase "if only." Let's send it to an early grave. Let's strike it from our vocabularies and pull it from our hearts, because it's one of those lies that holds us back from seeing what is truly beautiful about our own lives. It takes our eyes of the good that already exists. It makes us blind.

#335. Red Bull Christianity

Have you ever wondered what the prodigal son did the day after the welcome home party? I mean honestly, once the welcome home banners were down and the floor was swept and the sun came back up after a long night of celebrating, what did he do? How did he spend that day?

I don't know, but I do know how I spent the first few months after my most significant prodigal chapter. I spent them sprinting. I spent them running as hard as I could for the Lord. I was overwhelmed by this sense that I had to make up for all the lost time. Sin had swallowed so many years of my life and I felt guilty for the wasted time. It was now my job to fix 30 years of sin with a few months of intense holiness.

So I got drunk on Red Bull Christianity.

I really thought that was how God worked. ...I believed that I had to express my faith in hyperspeed. ... I couldn't do it. I failed, again. Do you know why? Because that's not what God wants. ... I want to tell you one of the reasons I am a huge fan of God.

In Isaiah 30:15 He lays out a pretty simple formula for life and in it, He expresses something really powerful. Here is the verse:

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."

I love that our God is a fan of rest. I love that in His mind, rest is important. I love that our God demands we take naps. But I ignore that demand all too often.

Christian culture has done a really big disservice when it comes to this verse. In some ways, we've deleted the phrase "and rest." ... But here's the thing, I don't think it's accidental that God paired them together. I think He knows how exhausting it is to repent. I think He knows that at the end of a prodigal journey, when we have repented by walking home, the last thing we need is to run around as fast as we can and make up for lost time. No not that, never that. What we need is rest. What we need is quietness and trust.

I'm writing a book about the prodigal son because I think I might know what he did the day after the welcome home party. If he listened to his father. If he took the advice of God, it's not too hard to imagine.

I think the first thing he did was sleep in.

that's

Are tattoos sinful?

#339. Forgiveness (or lessons from the Cuban torture specialist)

Stephe

Short post

2008-07-09T22:28:00.001-05:00

Yeah, so it looks like I won't be posting anytime soon, probably not till Saturday, since Physics is threatening to take over my life for the next month, I do so hope it doesn't. I also hope the AmLit professor has mercy on me for not turning in the take-home test on time. Again, stupid physics. It's smarter than me, and it knows it.

Stephe(surviving)

Pictures!

2008-07-07T18:16:00.002-05:00

Alrighty, here's a prettyful (pun intended. x.x) post o' pics for ya. I got a kick out of them, and I hope you will too.

As a side note, I'm thinking these could possibly be used as a "my life in pictures" kinda deal... weird. And amazingly odd how teh interwebs always seems how to read my mind.

Stephe(being watched?)

Linky!

2008-07-06T17:32:00.000-05:00

Ok folks, lotsa links. I encourage you to seek out and obtain subscriptions to the blogs I'll mention, but if not, I'll still probably still pull from them occasionally in the future.

First off, I think I'll summarize the first three, three Boundless articles, talking, as usual, about relationships.

"Our One-Track Mind," by John Thomas replies to a readers questions about their stance on marriage, why it seems to be presented as formulaic and dry. He says he'd rather "marry a non-christian who I could have a happy family with, than marry a Christian, doing it your way, and be unhappy because we married purely on the grounds we both believed in God and followed Jesus."
Obviously the answer is that there is a lot more to it than marrying "purely" on the grounds of shared faith, but that it's a non-negotiable part of the mix. There are many more great points that they make that I subscribe to, so read up on it.

"Settling," by Scott Croft is another great article that expands on a previous article, entitled "When to Settle," by Candice Watters. This article is basically a reinforcement of the fact that marriage doesn't solve all issues, and that it won't magically fulfill your every need. Here's a quote:
Every person who decides to marry makes the decision to marry a sinner. That means you will marry someone who is at some level selfish, who has insecurities and an ego, who has annoying tendencies that you will only discover after marriage because they will only be revealed in that intimate context. And don't forget, your spouse will have married the same type of person. As sinners, we all "settle" for marriage to a person who will not always meet our sinful, individualized, selfish whims, who will not be the spouse we "dreamed of" every day, and who likely entered the bargain with some level of expectation that you were going to be the one for them.

It's also true that anyone who enters marriage expecting it to serve as a substitute for Christ in the ultimate fulfillment of his or her own desires for companionship, love, intimacy, security or anything else will indeed be disillusioned — quickly. It's a fallen world, and we are sinners. We cannot gain in any earthly relationship what the world tells us to seek from "romance" and marriage. We all settle.

Also, she makes the point that no Christian should "settle" in a marriage, using it to replace the fulfillment they should be getting from God. Another great read. I learned something.

The last one really ties into the article on settling, because it attempts to knock down our selfish desires a bit and make us realize we shouldn't be looking for someone that "qualifies" in every single little detail we might come up with for someone to "make the list" of our affection. Rather we should be looking as peasants, focusing on one big thing, the important thing, rather than many small things. Of course, there are small things that may make the relationship nicer and smoother, but there must be a very few big things that are at the core of our requirements list. "Looking for Love Like a Peasant," by A.J. Kiesling is another should-read.

The rest I think I'll try and condense to a sentence or two, cause I might as well make a separate blog post for each if they're all gonna be as long as those "summaries" I just wrote. :-p

Stuff Christians Like

The Unaccountability Partner

Telling someone the sermon was for them

Too many kaleidoscopes, not enough telescopes.

That's it for now, I'm caught up to about yesterday on the thought provoking blogs. I'll post a picture-ful blog tomorrow most likely.

I read too much.

2008-07-06T16:39:00.000-05:00

I definitely read too many good things... I've also got to catch up a bit on the blog. There are so many other blog posts that are awesome and good and applicable and all that... I think I will so a link post sometime soon, just to get them off my plate. Also, I'll highly recommend that you subscribe to the feeds yourself so that you too can get the full goodness of the blogs I read.

Stephe(behind)

It's now 1:50 AM

2008-07-02T00:51:00.003-05:00

And, after three short days, I've just finished catching up on Questionable Content, the webcomic that mimics, mirrors, and mocks my relationship with Laura in so many ways it's not funny, but in some ways it is. I now have four words of advice for her, straight from my own mouth. They are: SNAP. OUT. OF. IT.

Stephe(much more to say)

Comic profundity

2008-07-01T20:50:00.002-05:00

I'd never think I'd read something so profound in a comic about everyday life, but I suppose XKCD has its moments too... anyways, since I'm now hooked on Questionable Content, I've been reading it pretty much non-stop in the afternoons (since about two days ago...). Which is a bad thing, seeing as I've got a paper due in two days that I haven't written much more than a concept draft of. But enough of me rambling, on to the quote!

Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past,
Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future,
And common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now.
Questionable Content #976

Extremely good advice, in my opinion.

Stephe(wondering and pondering)

Spurgeon or no?

2008-06-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

So, I've continued to read up in Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (generally in bursts every three or four days...) and I've found that the verses he's been using recently tend to be taken out of context more and more often, even though his comments and advice are good. So, I'm considering dropping the dead dude and just reading through a chapter of the Bible every day. Any good suggestions as to where I should start? Proverbs is always a good one, and it makes it real easy to pull one or two out and comment on them myself here, but they can get a little overwhelming with all the stuff packed into each chapter. My Dad's worked out (or is still working on) a daily reading schedule of the Bible, based of a chronological Bible, which means that you get through the whole Bible in a year, in roughly the same order that they think the events actually happened. I may start reading that once he's done with it.

Also, I took to playing a little bit of the CCG Magic, and when I mentioned it to Mom and Dad, Dad was like, "Well, that sounds very Wiccan to me, I'll do some research, but I'm trying to warn your soul." And of course he has good intentions, and I don't really support the game, except for the fact that Dave and I drove to Philly Saturday night to pick up 5000 common cards for $20 (we split them, I paid for gas and he paid for the cards). It's fun for sure. A bit of competition, a lot of strategy, and I get to play it at work sometimes if the boss is in a good mood. After all, he's the one that started it.

However, due to the nature of the game, and a combination of my research and my Dad's, and our gut feelings about it, I think I will get out of it and sell my cards back to the guys. I think I'll keep playing till the end of the summer though, cause it's a great thing to pass the time when there's nothing else to do. I think I'll also sell my Warhammer 40K stuffs and stick to the Paper and Pencil RPGs. Dad's still against D&D as a concept, but I'm gonna talk and see if I can't reason with him and pull in some Star Wars or Lord of the Rings parallels.

Stephe(trying,learning,living)

So incredibly true

2008-06-29T17:24:00.002-05:00

It's not funny, really it's not. :-p
Not that I care. Blissful ignorance has served me well thus far, I think I'll continue.
/SARCASM

Heh. Hehe... SNICKER

2008-06-26T19:41:00.001-05:00

Came across this earlier... Wow. So true. X-D

Heh, Oh jeez.

2008-06-26T19:37:00.002-05:00

Really? :-p

Sometimes I feel like this.

2008-06-26T18:59:00.003-05:00

My middle name ("More-complicated-than-necessary") lives up to itself sometimes, and my thought processes are not so different from these. :-p

Be just and rigorous

2008-06-26T18:49:00.002-05:00

Spurgeon's Thought for this morning can be summed up in the last few phrases:

Be just to all, but be rigorous to yourself. Remember if it be not a rock on which you build, when the house shall fall, great will be the fall of it. O may the Lord give you sincerity, constancy, and firmness; and in no day, however evil, may you be led to turn aside.

And his thought for the evening as well, a little more verbose:

Have you come forth from the lust of pride? Have you escaped from slothfulness? Have you clean escaped from carnal security? Are you seeking day by day to live above worldliness, the pride of life, and the ensnaring vice of avarice? Remember, it is for this that you have been enriched with the treasures of God. If you be indeed the chosen of God, and beloved by him, do not suffer all the lavish treasure of grace to be wasted upon you. Follow after holiness; it is the Christian's crown and glory. An unholy church! it is useless to the world, and of no esteem among men. It is an abomination, hell's laughter, heaven's abhorrence. The worst evils which have ever come upon the world have been brought upon her by an unholy church. O Christian, the vows of God are upon you. You are God's priest: act as such. You are God's king: reign over your lusts. You are God's chosen: do not associate with Belial. Heaven is your portion: live like a heavenly spirit, so shall you prove that you have true faith in Jesus, for there cannot be faith in the heart unless there be holiness in the life.

The last line speaks of the fruit that results from a faithful heart and a willing spirit. If there is not one, there is not the other. There can't be holiness in the life without faith in the heart, and if you have faith in the heart but are not willing to act on it, your faith is dead and useless.

Can you find rest elsewhere?

2008-06-26T18:28:00.004-05:00

Simple and true, we cannot, nor should we, find full satisfaction in this world alone. There may be satisfaction for a time, rest for a day, a month, a year, but it is not enough. We must crave more, better, higher things. We must crave Christ. If we do not for a time, we are not to be shaken, as though because we turn to simple pleasures and forget about God, He has forgotten about us. But we cannot leave it at that. We need to remember that this world is only temporary, and the true gold is in our Heavenly palace.
(Emphasis and paragraph breaks added)

Thought for the evening of June 25

Reader, can you find rest apart from the ark, Christ Jesus? Then be assured that your religion is vain. Are you satisfied with anything short of a conscious knowledge of your union and interest in Christ? Then woe unto you.

If you profess to be a Christian, yet find full satisfaction in worldly pleasures and pursuits, your profession is false. If your soul can stretch herself at rest, and find the bed long enough, and the coverlet broad enough to cover her in the chambers of sin, then you are a hypocrite, and far enough from any right thoughts of Christ or perception of his preciousness.

But if, on the other hand, you feel that if you could indulge in sin without punishment, yet it would be a punishment of itself; and that if you could have the whole world, and abide in it for ever, it would be quite enough misery not to be parted from it; for your God-your God-is what your soul craves after; then be of good courage, thou art a child of God. With all thy sins and imperfections, take this to thy comfort: if thy soul has no rest in sin, thou are not as the sinner is! If thou art still crying after and craving after something better, Christ has not forgotten thee, for thou hast not quite forgotten him.

The believer cannot do without his Lord; words are inadequate to express his thoughts of him. We cannot live on the sands of the wilderness, we want the manna which drops from on high; our skin bottles of creature confidence cannot yield us a drop of moisture, but we drink of the rock which follows us, and that rock is Christ. When you feed on him your soul can sing, "He hath satisfied my mouth with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's," but if you have him not, your bursting wine vat and well-filled barn can give you no sort of satisfaction: rather lament over them in the words of wisdom, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!"

Our time on this earth is but a fleeting moment. Let us make the best use of our time as we possibly can.

Demon Hunter + Crazy Cousin = AWESOME

2008-06-25T16:30:00.002-05:00

SO! I went to a Demon Hunter + Living Sacrifice concert Monday night... It was a blast. Bit my lip pretty hard when Dave's head met my chin from below, but after a little while I got right back into the pit, this time keeping my mouth closed and my arms out. My lip looked pretty bad, it swelled some and stung, so I sucked on it till it stopped bleeding so much. It still looks bad, but doesn't hurt nearly as much. I also found out today that I chipped a molar... Not too bad, but it'll have to get looked at and filed down most likely. Good thing I have a dentist's appointment scheduled already. :-p

In other news, I'm still reading through Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, though I'm a little behind. I'm also a lot behind on my American Literature reading. Especially so because I've misplaced my copy of the ten-pound tome... ugh. I went to the library to try and find it, and they can't find it either! They think it might be labeled wrong somehow, because every library can't find any of their copies... I reserved one and it should come in tomorrow, and I desperately need it for a presentation I'm doing on some of the readings... :-/ Oh well.

Spurgeon on Sifting

2008-06-21T21:49:00.003-05:00

Amos 9:9: For behold, I will command, and shake the house of Israel among all the nations as one shakes with a sieve, but no pebble shall fall to the earth.

Every sifting comes by divine command and permission. Satan must ask leave before he can lay a finger upon Job. Nay, more, in some sense our siftings are directly the work of heaven, for the text says, "I will sift the house of Israel." Satan, like a drudge, may hold the sieve, hoping to destroy the corn; but the overruling hand of the Master is accomplishing the purity of the grain by the very process which the enemy intended to be destructive.

We hear this over and over, and yet every time we are shaken, the faint thought comes into our mind, or perhaps it is a loud voice shouting: "Where is your God? Why has he left you? See this trouble you are in? Why would He ever leave you to something like this? Didn't He say He loved you? And you were foolish enough to believe Him? Ha! Forsake your God, for He has left you. Take charge yourself, for you cannot trust Him. You can do better than this, you know you can."

Do not listen to him! He is a deceiver and a liar, twisting God's words in our darkest moments. Cling to the Truth, and the Speaker of Truth will hold you in His grasp.

God himself sifts, and therefore it is stern and terrible work; he sifts them in all places, "among all nations"; he sifts them in the most effectual manner, "like as corn is sifted in a sieve"; and yet for all this, not the smallest, lightest, or most shrivelled grain, is permitted to fall to the ground. Every individual believer is precious in the sight of the Lord, a shepherd would not lose one sheep, nor a jeweller one diamond, nor a mother one child, nor a man one limb of his body, nor will the Lord lose one of his redeemed people. However little we may be, if we are the Lord's, we may rejoice that we are preserved in Christ Jesus.

Appropriate cats FTW

2008-06-19T21:57:00.002-05:00

This one actually reminded me to clean the litter box today...

What do I do now?

2008-06-17T21:39:00.002-05:00

She doesn't like me anymore.
No, she didn't really say that, but she's thinking it, I just know it! Cause I'm psychic like that. (Just kidding, please take it in jest, but examine the kernel of truth in the sarcasm)

Wait, but I thought... I'd said that we weren't going to talk so that she could get herself straightened out with God, so things would work better for us. Has this changed? No.

But now I've got this idea that maybe I should pay a little more attention to studies than a girlfriend next semester, maybe Spring too. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I've also got to have a bit more leadership in me, so maybe that's what God wants me to get a grasp of before I go off trying to lead someone else. I'll have to set certain goals for my next relationship, and I hope that Laura can see that it'll be for the better. If being friends is all we can be for a while, then that's what it'll be. God's got it in His hands.

I really hope that by the time I get back, Laura will have gotten some help, some word from God, and once I hang out and spend some more time, I think I'll be able to open up again and be a better friend.

I really wish I'd written down all the promises we'd made, cause I made some hoping she'd keep her end, and then I broke my end, and she broke her end, and I'd thought it could be mended, but if she doesn't see it that way, then so be it, we can work things out and still be friends right?

I don't have anyone in mind for my "next" girlfriend. I'm not interested in anyone seriously, but I really hope it's Laura again. She's really an awesome person, and the only thing she lacks basically is self-esteem and a deep relationship with God. I really thought I understood where she was, cause I was in a similar place in my relationship with God, but maybe not. Now He's arrested my attention and reminded me that I'm nothing without Him, as if I didn't remind myself of that daily already. But I've also learned that preaching the gospel to yourself daily really helps.

Not just the "you're going to hell" part, that's hardly Good News. But more along the lines of "You've failed, but I still love you, I died for you while you were my enemy. Let me help you up and we can walk on together." Coming from the lips of Jesus, those are the sweetest words I've ever heard. Coming from a sinner like me though, they sound hollow, because I keep coming up with conditions for my love. That's not true love. It's gotten harder for me to forgive though... Jesus says we're supposed to forgive 70x7, but when your partner is repeatedly and continually acting stupid, when she KNOWS it's wrong... and when you aren't there to stop it, it gets tough to trust.

It's hard for me to love someone and want to spend the rest of my days with someone I can't trust... and honestly I guess I haven't done much on that end either. I feel like a failure every time I "talk" to her, and since we're not supposed to be communicating this summer (God's directive, not mine; I thought I saw wisdom in it, I keep screwing up.), I can only gather what she's thinking and doing through her blog posts. I figured she was on the right path, but then I got involved again. I hate me.

I guess I'll have to start writing out my thoughts on what a relationship should entail and what I'm looking for, cause she thinks that she needs to change who she is in order for me to love her. That is frankly stupid, and I'm sorry I've ever exuded that thought. I've told her that she shouldn't change for me, that she should change for herself, and she's got that part. I feel though that she isn't reading what I'm saying, she's reading into what I'm saying whatever she feels, which at the moment isn't too hot, but I don't know what to say when she's obviously convinced one way AND I've committed to not talk with her for a time. I really wish I could just get it over with, but where's the growth in that?

She does have good intentions, she is on the right path... I guess my pressure isn't a good thing. I was trying to guide her, but she feels like I'm forcing her. Not good for any relationship. I can't change her, and I've come to that realization. I thought I'd communicated it, but apparently not, and now it's messing with her. All I want is solid and firm commitment, but I can't accept words until I can see action... which I guess is a little shallow, but words right now mean so little to me, since promises have been broken on both ends, but I mentioned that before. Relationship requirement #1: No unwritten promises. My memory sucks, and when the hard times roll around, it's best to know what you've promised to. I don't remember half of mine, but I'm sure they're clear as day to her. I suck.

Stephe(confused and trying to be hopeful)

P.S. You wear the ring to remind you that there is a man for you that you should commit yourself to and not entertain the idea of another man in your life, for any reason other than public, casual friends. I don't hate you. Don't think about me. Think about just you and God. That's what this is for, that's why I've tried to step out of your life for this season... But unfortunately I keep toeing the line. I'm sorry. Keep on going. Listen to your friends, they're giving great advice.

Pizza drivers rock.

2008-06-17T10:34:00.002-05:00

This just came to my inbox in the daily joke newsletter I get.

Where's the Road?

A friend and I were driving in the country looking for an address. We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road.

We drove to the police station, but they'd never heard of the road. Neither had the Fire Department. We went to City Hall, where a community get together was going on. We consulted a map, with no luck, until we happened to ask one young man who knew exactly where the road was. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there.

I said, "Thank you! Are you with the police or the Fire Department?"

"Neither. I deliver pizzas."

Oh, and to explain the magical week's worth of Spurgeon posts, I kinda cheated a little. Quite similar to Rachelskirts and her Blog365 catching up. Also, I apologize for the many many posts today. Maybe I'm making up for lost time? But I already did that... Ah well. If you're getting tired of Spurgeon... Hmm. I think I'll have to go back and label them all. I hope they've been helpful at least.

Stephen(posting daily, and sometimes magically)

Help, Lord.

2008-06-17T10:16:00.003-05:00

Psalms 12:1:Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases to be, For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.

A simple prayer that we often neglect to put forth. Thought from Spurgeon this morning.
Rendered "Save" in the English Standard Version, "Help, Lord" is a prayer that we must continually voice. For we are weak, and insufficient. We have a savior, why don't we run to Him more often? Is it because it would make us seem weak? We are! Is it because it may seem foolish? The fool forsakes a free gift.

Hide and seek.

2008-06-17T09:57:00.002-05:00

It doesn't really work that well with God. You hide, He seeks. Thing is, He's everywhere (omnimpresent) and sees everything (omniscient), so He always sees you.

Stuff Christians Like posted this morning about how he feels that God is "on the other side of the fence," When really, He's on both sides. Something to think about, and a good thing to realize.

All too often, I am a two-year old closing my eyes. I am a child misbehaving. I am a toddler that thinks that as soon as I mess up and my little world goes dark with sin and I feel that I can no longer see God, that He can no longer see me. The moment I make a decision that shuts Him out, He does the same to me. When I can't see Him, He can't see me.

This is simply and wonderfully not true. He also pulls from Job chapter 23, where Job is wondering where God might be, that he may argue with Him and lay his case before Him. Verses 8 and 9 are directly applicable,

⁸Behold, I go forward, but he is not there,
and backward, but I do not perceive him;
⁹on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him;
he turns to the right hand, but I do not see him.

Just because we cannot see God does not mean He loses sight of us, as Job so kindly makes clear in verse 10:

But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.

Awkward Mouse

2008-06-16T23:00:00.002-05:00

I'm not so sure on the idea of pole-dancing... in act I'm pretty much against it. It seems merely a base act of senseless erotica... Something that should be reserved for the marriage bedroom, as should most sensuality. Apparently it pays decently, but it's still a questionable occupation in my mind, especially when you're training for a high-class career.

Eternal means Forever

2008-06-16T22:45:00.003-05:00

John 10:28:I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
Christ shall never forsake his childrem!

The Christian should never think or speak lightly of unbelief. For a child of God to mistrust his love, his truth, his faithfulness, must be greatly displeasing to him. How can we ever grieve him by doubting his upholding grace? Christian! it is contrary to every promise of God's precious Word that thou shouldst ever be forgotten or left to perish.
...
Where were the truth of Christ's words-"I give unto my sheep eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." Where were the doctrines of grace? They would be all disproved if one child of God should perish.
...
Banish those unbelieving fears which so dishonour God. Arise, shake thyself from the dust, and put on thy beautiful garments.
...
Let the eternal life within thee express itself in confident rejoicing.
"The gospel bears my spirit up:
A faithful and unchanging God
Lays the foundation for my hope,
In oaths, and promises, and blood."

You are His, and He is yours, and He shall never depart from you, though you may turn your back on Him, He is still right there. Though you may not hear Him, He is still working in your favor for His glory.

Frugality is important.

2008-06-14T22:41:00.001-05:00

Here's something from the Get Rich Slowly blog that fits right in with one of my recent posts from Spurgeon:

This one is just too good

2008-06-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

Daniel 9:8:To us, O LORD, belongs open shame, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against you.

Ok, I just have to post it all (with added paragraph breaks). This one hammers home tha fact that we have sinned, and continue to sin, and our sin is great, but I've bolded the last two sentences, because they are the crux of the sinner's delight in Christ.

A deep sense and clear sight of sin, its heinousness, and the punishment which it deserves, should make us lie low before the throne. We have sinned as Christians. Alas! that it should be so. Favoured as we have been, we have yet been ungrateful: privileged beyond most, we have not brought forth fruit in proportion. Who is there, although he may long have been engaged in the Christian warfare, that will not blush when he looks back upon the past?

As for our days before we were regenerated, may they be forgiven and forgotten; but since then, though we have not sinned as before, yet we have sinned against light and against love-light which has really penetrated our minds, and love in which we have rejoiced. Oh, the atrocity of the sin of a pardoned soul! An unpardoned sinner sins cheaply compared with the sin of one of God's own elect ones, who has had communion with Christ and leaned his head upon Jesus' bosom.

Look at David! Many will talk of his sin, but I pray you look at his repentance, and hear his broken bones, as each one of them moans out its dolorous confession! Mark his tears, as they fall upon the ground, and the deep sighs with which he accompanies the softened music of his harp! We have erred: let us, therefore, seek the spirit of penitence.

Look, again, at Peter! We speak much of Peter's denying his Master. Remember, it is written, "He wept bitterly." Have we no denials of our Lord to be lamented with tears? Alas! these sins of ours, before and after conversion, would consign us to the place of inextinguishable fire if it were not for the sovereign mercy which has made us to differ, snatching us like brands from the burning.

My soul, bow down under a sense of thy natural sinfulness, and worship thy God. Admire the grace which saves thee-the mercy which spares thee-the love which pardons thee!

Delight in the Lord?

2008-06-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

Psalms 37:4:Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Now if this verse hasn't been misconstrued and pondered on and been ever so confusing to me and I'm sure many others, but they are true, and Spurgeon has an excellent word on why.

The teaching of these words must seem very surprising to those who are strangers to vital godliness, but to the sincere believer it is only the inculcation of a recognized truth. The life of the believer is here described as a delight in God, and we are thus certified of the great fact that true religion overflows with happiness and joy. Ungodly persons and mere professors never look upon religion as a joyful thing; to them it is service, duty, or necessity, but never pleasure or delight.
...
They who love God with all their hearts, find that his ways are ways of pleasantness, and all his paths are peace. Such joys, such brimful delights, such overflowing blessednesses, do the saints discover in their Lord, that so far from serving him from custom, they would follow him though all the world cast out his name as evil.
...
"'Tis when we taste thy love,
Our joys divinely grow,
Unspeakable like those above,
And heaven begins below."

Basically, It all begins with God, and we've built up a religion around His teachings. His teachings are the true religion, that which, when followed, lead to a better life, a more humble one maybe, but He who is close to God needs nothing else. Certainly He may give us material things, but we must recognize that we are merely stewards on this earth serving the Creator and caring for His creation.

A twofer from Spurgeon

2008-06-13T22:15:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 30:8: Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
    give me neither poverty nor riches;
    feed me with the food that is needful for me
Psalm 38:21: Do not forsake me, O LORD!
    O my God, be not far from me!

Here we have two great lessons-what to deprecate and what to supplicate. The happiest state of a Christian is the holiest state.
...
No Christian enjoys comfort when his eyes are fixed on vanity-he finds no satisfaction unless his soul is quickened in the ways of God. The world may win happiness elsewhere, but he cannot. I do not blame ungodly men for rushing to their pleasures. Why should I? Let them have their fill. That is all they have to enjoy.
...
Christians must seek their delights in a higher sphere than the insipid frivolities or sinful enjoyments of the world. Vain pursuits are dangerous to renewed souls. We have heard of a philosopher who, while he looked up to the stars, fell into a pit; but how deeply do they fall who look down. Their fall is fatal. No Christian is safe when his soul is slothful, and his God is far from him. Every Christian is always safe as to the great matter of his standing in Christ, but he is not safe as regards his experience in holiness, and communion with Jesus in this life.
...
[Satan] may sometimes stand foot to foot with the child of God who is active in his Master's service, but the battle is generally short: he who slips as he goes down into the Valley of Humiliation, every time he takes a false step invites Apollyon to assail him. O for grace to walk humbly with our God!

I've noticed that Spurgeon likes to repeat himself repeat himself a lot. It helps get the point across, and it tends to make the highlights a little more difficult to pull out, since he is such an excellent writer. Fear not! I shall only be pulling from object lessons from Spurgeon from now on when I feel they're appropriate for daily living, which, it seems he's very good at doing as well. ;-)

Take freely, and drink fully

2008-06-13T10:06:00.000-05:00

Revelation 22:17:The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

Drink freely of the gifts of God, and it will make you well. You need not pay him for them, though they are so perfect and good that we wish to glorify him for them, and to tell our neighbor of them. Those who preach are those who have either tasted, or are selling their own snake oil. Test them and find the true water of life, then drink it in and enjoy. It is for everyone.

Jesus says, "take freely." He wants no payment or preparation. He seeks no recommendation from our virtuous emotions. If you have no good feelings, if you be but willing, you are invited; therefore come! You have no belief and no repentance,-come to him, and he will give them to you. Come just as you are, and take "Freely," without money and without price.
...
The drinking fountains at the corners of our streets are valuable institutions; and we can hardly imagine any one so foolish as to feel for his purse, when he stands before one of them, and to cry, "I cannot drink because I have not five pounds in my pocket." However poor the man is, there is the fountain, and just as he is he may drink of it.
...
The liberality of some good friends has put the refreshing crystal there and we take it, and ask no questions. Perhaps the only persons who need go thirsty through the street where there is a drinking fountain, are the fine ladies and gentlemen who are in their carriages. They are very thirsty, but cannot think of being so vulgar as to get out to drink. It would demean them, they think, to drink at a common drinking fountain: so they ride by with parched lips. Oh, how many there are who are rich in their own good works and cannot therefore come to Christ! "I will not be saved," they say, "in the same way as the harlot or the swearer." What! go to heaven in the same way as a chimney sweep. Is there no pathway to glory but the path which led the thief there? I will not be saved that way. Such proud boasters must remain without the living water; but, "WHOSOEVER WILL, LET HIM TAKE THE WATER OF LIFE FREELY."

Spurgeon on salvation

2008-06-12T21:54:00.001-05:00

2 Timothy 1:9
Salvation is a one-time thing.

The apostle uses the perfect tense and says, "Who hath saved us." Believers in Christ Jesus are saved. They are not looked upon as persons who are in a hopeful state, and may ultimately be saved, but they are already saved. Salvation is not a blessing to be enjoyed upon the dying bed, and to be sung of in a future state above, but a matter to be obtained, received, promised, and enjoyed now.
...
The believer is also perfectly saved in his covenant head, for as he fell in Adam, so he lives in Christ. This complete salvation is accompanied by a holy calling. Those whom the Saviour saved upon the cross are in due time effectually called by the power of God the Holy Spirit unto holiness: they leave their sins; they endeavour to be like Christ; they choose holiness, not out of any compulsion, but from the stress of a new nature, which leads them to rejoice in holiness just as naturally as aforetime they delighted in sin. God neither chose them nor called them because they were holy, but he called them that they might be holy, and holiness is the beauty produced by his workmanship in them.
...
Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord is the author of it: and what motive but grace could move him to save the guilty? Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord works in such a manner that our righteousness is for ever excluded. Such is the believer's privilege-a present salvation; such is the evidence that he is called to it-a holy life.

Spurgeon on love

2008-06-11T09:46:00.001-05:00

1 John 4:19: We love because He first loved us.
With this statement, I could not agree more. How foolish do we think ourselves when we pride ourselves on our love. We rarely realize that true love springs not from our hearts, but from that of the One who made us. We would not be able to love Him, had He not loved us first. Now, we can love others, as we love ourselves, but this is only love that is a reflection of our own self-love. Loving God requires His nurturing the seed He plants in us, and we can either shade ourselves from his warm sunlight or embrace it and seek Him out, thus perpetuating the cycle of love. Here's what Spurgeon has to say on it.

There is no light in the planet but that which proceedeth from the sun; and there is no true love to Jesus in the heart but that which cometh from the Lord Jesus himself. From this overflowing fountain of the infinite love of God, all our love to God must spring.
...
How great the wonder that such as we should ever have been brought to love Jesus at all! How marvellous that when we had rebelled against him, he should, by a display of such amazing love, seek to draw us back.
...
Love is an exotic; it is not a plant which will flourish naturally in human soil, it must be watered from above. Love to Jesus is a flower of a delicate nature, and if it received no nourishment but that which could be drawn from the rock of our hearts it would soon wither.

Arg and Glory! (A week of Spurgeon)

2008-06-10T16:32:00.005-05:00

No that's not a typo.

I'd fallen miserably behind (Well I suppose that's a rather subjective term) in reading Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotionals, as I said I would be doing regularly. I'm now more than a week behind, and was going to write up a catch-up post ccontaining excerpts and short comments on each day's devo, but of course hadn't saved the file when my computer decided to freeze up and I had to reboot it. So instead I will just say to you dear reader, read the devo for yourself, it is quite edifying. I will continue my posting starting from two days ago, that is, Sunday the 8th, with a few excerpts and comments, like I was planning to originally. And as always, keep praying for me that I may not lose sight of the glorious wonders of God's grace.

Thought for the morning of Sunday June 8

1 Chronicles 5:22

Warrior, fighting under the banner of the Lord Jesus, observe this verse with holy joy, for as it was in the days of old so is it now, if the war be of God the victory is sure.

Well then, good sir, what say you of the fight which I wage daily against myself? Of what war exactly do you speak?

The Lord saveth not by many nor by few; it is ours to go forth in Jehovah's name if we be but a handful of men, for the Lord of Hosts is with us for our Captain. They did not neglect buckler, and sword, and bow, neither did they place their trust in these weapons; we must use all fitting means, but our confidence must rest in the Lord alone, for he is the sword and the shield of his people.

So then, we must place our confidence in the Lord, using earthly tools. We must wage war upon sin and evil, fighting it not of our own strength but with the Lord's, using implements familiar to us, and effective weapons.

Beloved, in fighting with sin without and within, with error doctrinal or practical, with spiritual wickedness in high places or low places, with devils and the devil's allies, you are waging Jehovah's war, and unless he himself can be worsted, you need not fear defeat.

Fighting against sin is not our war, it is God's, so how about we let Him fight it? No, for we are soldiers of Christ, and thus are commanded by our Lord and Master to fight the good fight.

Thought for the evening of Sunday June 8

Numbers 11:23

God had made a positive promise to Moses that for the space of a whole month he would feed the vast host in the wilderness with flesh. Moses, being overtaken by a fit of unbelief, looks to the outward means, and is at a loss to know how the promise can be fulfilled. He looked to the creature instead of the Creator. But doth the Creator expect the creature to fulfil his promise for him? No; he who makes the promise ever fulfils it by his own unaided omnipotence. If he speaks, it is done-done by himself. His promises do not depend for their fulfilment upon the co-operation of the puny strength of man. We can at once perceive the mistake which Moses made. And yet how commonly we do the same! God has promised to supply our needs, and we look to the creature to do what God has promised to do; and then, because we perceive the creature to be weak and feeble, we indulge in unbelief.

Why do we so often doubt the Creator? Is He not omnipotent? Does His word return void in our lives? Perhaps that is our perception, but then we are most likely not resting in His unfailing word and giving Him our full trust. We cannot do God's work for Him, or rather, we should not attempt to hurry His plan along. His timing is perfect, and as long as we rest in that fact, things will work out. It's when we try and take things into our own hands that God has to remind us who is really in charge.

The ground of faith is not the sufficiency of the visible means for the performance of the promise, but the all-sufficiency of the invisible God, who will most surely do as he hath said. If after clearly seeing that the onus lies with the Lord and not with the creature, we dare to indulge in mistrust, the question of God comes home mightily to us: "Has the Lord's hand waxed short?" May it happen, too, in his mercy, that with the question there may flash upon our souls that blessed declaration, "Thou shalt see now whether my word shall come to pass unto thee or not."

And God's word shall pass unto us as He has said.

Thought for the morning of Monday June 9

Psalms 126:3

Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. Ask for their impression of the Christian life, and they will describe their continual conflicts, their deep afflictions, their sad adversities, and the sinfulness of their hearts, yet with scarcely any allusion to the mercy and help which God has vouchsafed them. But a Christian whose soul is in a healthy state, will come forward joyously, and say, "I will speak, not about myself, but to the honour of my God. He hath brought me up out of an horrible pit, and out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings: and he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God. The Lord hath done great things for me, whereof I am glad."

Here is an example of looking down rather than up, looking around at the rough waters rather than gazing into the eyes of our savior. It reminds me of the last line from the poem "Footprints in the Sand", when the Lord replied, "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an all-sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion.

The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise, we reckon them to be the bass part of our life's song, "He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad."

Thought for the evening of Monday June 9

John 5:39

The Greek word here rendered search signifies a strict, close, diligent, curious search, such as men make when they are seeking gold, or hunters when they are in earnest after game. We must not rest content with having given a superficial reading to a chapter or two, but with the candle of the Spirit we must deliberately seek out the hidden meaning of the word.

There is much to be found in the Scriptures, the living word of God. Much of it is revealed to us just when we need it through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The Scriptures claim searching. They are the writings of God, bearing the divine stamp and imprimatur- who shall dare to treat them with levity? He who despises them despises the God who wrote them.

If you tossed away your girlfriend's letter, or a letter from your Mother or Father, without reading or cherishing it, what would they think? Here Spurgeon is applying human attributes to God, but aren't we really somewhat reflections of Him?

God does not bid us sift a mountain of chaff with here and there a grain of wheat in it, but the Bible is winnowed corn-we have but to open the granary door and find it. Scripture grows upon the student. It is full of surprises.

There is not simply a few nuggets of truth hidden far away, nestled deep in the crevices of the Word, no, it is burting forth with Truth, filled to the brim and running over!

Lastly, the Scriptures reveal Jesus: "They are they which testify of me." No more powerful motive can be urged upon Bible readers than this: he who finds Jesus finds life, heaven, all things. Happy he who, searching his Bible, discovers his Saviour.

Thought for the morning of Tuesday June 10

Romans 14:8

If God had willed it, each of us might have entered heaven at the moment of conversion. It was not absolutely necessary for our preparation for immortality that we should tarry here.

Why then, Mr. Spurgeon, are we still here? He asks the same question.

Why are his children still wandering hither and thither through a maze, when a solitary word from his lips would bring them into the centre of their hopes in heaven?

And here he gives the answer:

We are here as the "salt of the earth," to be a blessing to the world. We are here to glorify Christ in our daily life. We are here as workers for him, and as "workers together with him." Let us see that our life answereth its end. Let us live earnest, useful, holy lives, to "the praise of the glory of his grace."

We are here to increase the fold, to bring more to the flock of Christ, and to better the world through our imitation of Christ.

Thought for the evening of Tuesday June 10

John 5:39

Jesus Christ is the Alpha and Omega of the Bible. He is the constant theme of its sacred pages; from first to last they testify of him.

We should always read Scripture in this light; we should consider the word to be as a mirror into which Christ looks down from heaven; and then we, looking into it, see his face reflected as in a glass-darkly, it is true, but still in such a way as to be a blessed preparation for seeing him as we shall see him face to face. This volume contains Jesus Christ's letters to us, perfumed by his love.

The Scriptures are the swaddling bands of the holy child Jesus; unroll them and you find your Saviour. The quintessence of the word of God is Christ.

Not much I can say to all that. It's certainly true.

Waking up can be sooo troublesome

2008-06-07T07:15:00.002-05:00

Have a little Spurgeon in the morning?

2008-05-29T09:12:00.000-05:00

Well now... that's quite engaging.

I've started reading Charles' Spurgeon's Morning and Evening for my daily devotionals... and boy does he have a heavy word to speak today.
"There can hardly be any goodness in a man if he be not angry at sin; he who loves truth must hate every false way." That's for sure. We are to imitate Christ, for He is the perfect man, and he calls us to be perfect, which we can only strive for through His strength, and will never accomplish until the day we step out of this world.

"He [Jesus] hated wickedness, so much so that He bled to wound it to the heart; He died that it might die; He was buried that He might bury it in His tomb; and He rose that He might forever trample it beneath His feet. Christ is in the Gospel, and that Gospel is opposed to wickedness in every shape." Well, that's just great. So God hates wickedness, we know this... what does it mean for me? That because I am wicked, I am also hated by God? No.

"As warm as is His love to sinners, so hot is His hatred of sin; as perfect as is His righteousness, so complete shall be the destruction of every form of wickedness."
Amen! May God's name be praised! I feel a little like a charasmatic preacher... but it is glorious that the Holy God, who has every right to punish us fully, sent His son as a substitute for all of mankind, and for me, that I might not know God's full wrath. Life may still suck sometimes, but it's nowhere near what we deserve, and even in the hard times, God is closer to us than anything else.

-Gilligan(Cleansed in Christ)

Na08

2008-05-28T09:46:00.002-05:00

Incredible, amazing, and awesome.

Just three of the many many words I'd use to describe the New Attitude conference I just got back from... It was awe-FULL!

God really grabbed my heart and tugged it ever so gently but firmly back to Him. I've now got a passion to read the Word and delve ever deeper into the wonders of His grace and majesty. Each and every message spoke to me in some way, and showed me things for myself and others that were incredibly poignant and relevant to what I was (am?) going through. When God speaks, you better listen, because it is good. I'm currently going through the messages again, listening to them and taking more detailed notes this time around. (There's only so much you can fit in the little booklet they give you, especially when some of the speakers speak quickly!)

Also, I'll be starting to read Spurgeon's Morning & Evening tomorrow, the idea is to read it both in the morning and the evening. (Who'dathunkit?) Here's to God!

-Gilligan(All I have is Christ)

People Suck

2008-05-23T09:30:00.003-05:00

Well, this week is turning out to be one filled with drama and applicable advice and satire. I suppose it's in preparation for the conference I'm going to this weekend, and thus will not be blogging. I'll be sure to post more once I get back. A friend of mine had some choice words for another this morning, and I felt that they were adequately appropriate to, well, everyone. She has graciously allowed me to use her words on this blog that no one reads.
Thanks Dori.
I'll let her take it from here:

People suck. God said so himself, just not in that way. Every person on this earth is dishonest, and they will be until they die. No matter how many people say they don't lie, they're lying right there. People will hurt you, people will let you down. People are awful. We're ALL awful. Even you, [even me].

Just know that God is the One that makes us all better. It depends on who actually takes God's offer of eternal life and starts to use it and listen to it. The key word there is listen. People don't listen to God. People just go about and do their own thing, and most don't think they need God. Actually, all people usually think they don't need God. Well, they do. We do. You do.

Like I said, people suck. But God is the only One that makes us better. People just need to stop, look, and listen.

--Dori

Still kinda weird...

2008-05-23T07:31:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure if there has ever been this much application to my life from other sources, or if I've just been particularly attuned to them lately, but these came this morning in a daily quote and joke email I get.

"No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad."

--Unknown

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

--Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"Troubles in marriage often start when one gets too busy earning the salt that they forget their sugar."

--Unknown

And this is the cartoon:

Not directly applicable, except for the break-up and subsequent distance created by one of the parties.

Well Golly Day!

2008-05-23T00:54:00.004-05:00

Is EVERYONE on the internet trying to read my mind/mock my life lately? First Lolcats... TWICE, and now XKCD. Gosh. I wonder what apropos meme tomorrow will bring.

New Design

2008-05-22T21:51:00.004-05:00

Wait, I might hesitate
Am I a minute too late?
Please Lord, I need to know,
This pressure's got me letting go
If I'm wrong, will I still carry on
And end up where I belong?
I've never felt this way, before

I've never come so close
I've never worn so thin
I'm stepping out, instead of closing in
I left myself behind
When I made up my mind
No turning back this time
This is my new design

Sometimes, I feel so alone
It feels like I'm standing on my own
And I've never, felt so far from home
it's coming on, it hits me when I step
outside my zone

I see, what you're doing to me
Could've been you so easily
but you look the other way
Even though we were close the other day
And I'm still trying to get up this hill
I need you just like a pill
And I've never felt this way before

Do ya get the feeling, everything will be alright?
I'm moving, so pleased to meet you
But I am moving on, tried to pass it to another
But it's coming on, I can't wait to find out
Break me, I can't seem to climb out
Of this hole, I'm stuck again
If I'm not out in a minute, I'm jumping in
Let's start again
I'm sick of this

Let's just, get it out, are ya feelin' it?
Move back, ya wanna feel how real it is?

Sometimes I feel so alone!

(Thousand Foot Krutch: Phenomenon)

TFK really spoke to how I feel tonight... God had me stick their CD in and put it on random for a reason. In it it's really me talking to two people, they'll know who they are. In the explanation below, I kind of expound upon the lyrics and add my own thoughts.

Here it is:

Wait, I might hesitate
(To do the right thing)
Am I a minute too late?
(To save the relationship before it's too late)
Please Lord, I need to know,
(What can I do now?)
This pressure's got me letting go
(Too much stress, what's the cause? Is it me?)
If I'm wrong, will I still carry on
(Will you carry me on?)
And end up where I belong?
(Where do I belong?)
I've never felt this way before
(Why have you told me to let go and give You the one I love?)

I've never come so close
(To breaking down)
I've never worn so thin
(I'm on my last threads)
I'm stepping out, instead of closing in
(Stepping out to You in faith, rather than closing everyone else out)
I left myself behind
(I really don't want it to be this way)
When I made up my mind
(You made it so clear it has to be)
No turning back this time
(I'm going forward in You, please bring her along too)
This is my new design
(I am a new creature, being formed into Your image daily)

Sometimes, I feel so alone
(It seems you've left me all alone?)
It feels like I'm standing on my own
(Why was I ignoring You)
And I've never, felt so far from home
(Home is where the heart is, and mine's in Texas)
it's coming on, it hits me when I step
(You stopped me in my tracks)
outside my zone
(And guided me to a different path)

I see, what you're doing to me
(Change object: I was pulling my hair out)
Could've been you so easily
(I want you to be the one)
but you look the other way
(Why, except that I'm so far away?)
Even though we were close the other day
(A few months ago)
And I'm still trying to get up this hill
(It's hard going uphill when it feels like you're not pushing too)
I need you just like a pill
(I was addicted to you, couldn't get off you)
And I've never felt this way before
(It's weird listening to God and still not knowing where we're going)

Do ya get the feeling, everything will be alright?
(I pray you do)
I'm moving, so pleased to meet you
(May God bless you)
But I am moving on, tried to pass it to another
(This doesn't particularly apply)
But it's coming on, I can't wait to find out
(God's leading me, I don't know where)
Break me, I can't seem to climb out
(From myself, I can't do it by myself)
Of this hole, I'm stuck again
(I fall back away from God)
If I'm not out in a minute, I'm jumping in
(I'm so eager to trust myself)
Let's start again
(God, and you if He leads us)
I'm sick of this
(I need loyalty and reliability and trust... God can provide)

Let's just, get it out, are ya feelin' it?
(Can you let go of yourself)
Move back, ya wanna feel how real it is?
(Can you trust God fully for your strength?)

Sometimes... I... feel... so... alone!
(Without God, life pretty much sucks)

I just wish I could have...

2008-05-21T10:53:00.001-05:00

But I will when I come back.

Flavr... Where is it?

2008-05-19T23:11:00.004-05:00

Hey God, I'd like an order of life, with a heaping of flavor. Thanks very much.
And can you make it snappy?
No? Oh, ok.
Drive around where??? For how long?
Oh, I guess I don't get those details... of course.
Gee, thanks a lot.
*sigh*

Gilligan (1 month)

Relief

2008-05-13T22:11:00.003-05:00

It comes in many forms, but generally follows a pattern, or so I've noticed.

First, there is calm, peace, things are moving along well. Then, a bit of pressure builds up, stress. Over a long time or a little while, but it's there. It may be there all along, just too small to notice until it stacks and stacks so high you can't help but trip over it.

Then at some point, the pressure becomes so great that there is an explosion, a release of the pressure build-up, or, possibly, a steady stream of pressure release as if from a valve channeled properly. It is after the pressure is released that the relief sets in, and things can continue. Things are different, something has changed, but life goes on in light of, or in spite of, the change.

In the form of school, the pressure is homework and projects and tests... they don't seem that bad until the week before, when you have little time to work on them and have to cram it all into a small amount of time. The same goes for exams.

In the form of relationships, which are much more fluid and generally more rugged, it is like a stream with rocks tossed in every once and a while, and some of them are small and roll along, while others are big and cause a huge splash for a moment, and then the stream winds its way around the obstacle. Sometimes a huge boulder is dropped in, and if the river is wide enough, or the relationship deep enough, it will move around or over the obstacle without much difficulty.

But, if the relationship hasn't been fed in a while, or if there have been many smaller rocks tossed in and rolling along the bottom for a while, or worse: both, the river will stop. A dam will have been formed, and the relationship must deepen or widen in order to continue in the same way.

It will remain cut off if it is not fed and nurtured, but if it grows even a little after this damming, it will eventually wear away at the boulder, and the smaller rocks and pebbles will seem to shrink as well. Eventually, the boulder will be worked around, provided the river is given fresh water and a chance to change. This will take a long time, and to the observers it may seem an unbearable amount of time.

It can happen, on the other hand, that an outside force, we'll say a stonemason, comes in and chips away at the boulder, helping the river by giving it some of it's strength. This also takes a long time, but it generally leaves the boulder a smaller rock than if the river were to simply weave it's way around it by itself. The stonemason can even take the large boulder and turn it into a sculpture that the river could never create by itself. This also takes time, but if the river resists, since I'm personifying it, the stonemason will not work on the boulder, and it will not be as good as it could be.

I hope you enjoyed my metaphor for life. I hope it made sense too. Please comment and let me know what you think.

Questions.

2008-04-20T00:26:00.000-05:00

Questions.
Too many questions, wrapped up inside.
I feel them all, not wanting to hide.
Writhing inside, I feel pain, I feel hurt.
Wandering around, I wonder what works.
Asking questions, not getting answers,
Makes the head hurt, and the heart yearn.

The last of the poems.

Amen.

2008-04-19T23:47:00.003-05:00

Or not.

2008-04-19T23:27:00.003-05:00

Here's to an all-nighter

2008-04-16T04:47:00.003-05:00

Well, I didn't think I'd be staying up all night tonight... I just kept looking at my watch and the hours flew by. Well, all is not lost. Here's a list of what I've achieved thus far:

1. Figure out my class schedules for this summer and coming fall.
2. Look into various computer certifications, gape at the requirements for CompTIA A+ at the community college... 14 credits. Ouch. The CISCO certificate is 16, and the Security one is 15, so it's par for the course I guess. A beast of a cert. is the Database Certificate, at a whopping 31 credits. It's like it's own minor.
3. Find out I know most of the first A+ objective, but fail miserably at the other two.
4. Look over some more scholarships and determine which ones should be applied for soon.
5. Check Gmail.
6. Find a free web based touch-typing aid.
7. Check Google Reader.
8. Check Twitter.
9. Watch several video podcasts
10. Check Gmail.
11. Blog.
12. Look out the window and realize "Holy crap it's getting light out!"

Yay me! And yes, I know I put checking my email on there twice, I did it a lot, as well as Reader, cause I added a few RSS feeds tonight.

Stuff I need to do today:

1. Call Financial Aid and the Registrar.
2. Get the oil changed in the car.
3. Finish homework.
4. Catch up on Statistics labs.
5. Stay away in class.
6. Sleep.

I really need sleep, but I'm afraid if I go to bed I won't wake up in time to call around and get the oil changed. So, if anybody reads this, please put down your favorite energy drink or stay-awake method that doesn't involve coffee... though Mom just got some Autocrat coffee syrup... it may be just the right time to try some. Anywho... now for another 15.25 hours of wakefulness... Maybe a little nap wouldn't hurt...

Gilligan(zzzzz)

Words vs Thoughts

2008-04-15T22:45:00.000-05:00

Too many words, lots of thinking
Bunches of words, not enough thoughts
Fewer words, little thought
No words, no thought
Many words, too much thought.
End. Or the beginning?

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

2008-04-14T09:03:00.001-05:00

Today, at least.

Poetry

2008-04-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

Poetry is lovely, poetry is nice
Often is warm, sometimes like ice.
Poetry reveals life,
just like novels do.
I'm writing a poem,
You should too.

lolcats make me laugh

2008-04-10T11:12:00.002-05:00

and I just thought this one was too good to resist sharing. I may post some more later as they come up...

Missed one, so here's two.

2008-04-09T07:49:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I like you, others I'm sad.
But I never hate you, and often I'm glad.
You seem to see the trouble,
but fixing it is hard
Popping the bubble
into a million shards.
Bringing you down
Is what I'll do
Turning you around
And finding something new.

Is this the end, or only a beginning?
What will mistakes, in the future be bringing?
Will life go on, as does the mail?
Or will everything crash, catastrophic fail?

A change of pace

2008-04-07T09:30:00.001-05:00

A change of pace,
A brand new space
Life seems dense
When you just see the fence
Climb up, climb over
See the field of clover
Waiting on the other side
The clover, it is there
You can smell it in the air
And all that you must do is venture around
The fence on this side, firmly on the ground
Walk around, walk around, for a year maybe two
You keep getting closer, and it teases you
With it's fragrance you smell it
And desperately want it
But alas, it is not yet ripe to pluck

Angsty Blog #2

2008-04-06T23:42:00.001-05:00

What can I do? I'm just a born fool.
Singing sweet nothings into the air.
I feel that I knew, I just jumped in a pool,
Swimming in garbage with narry a care.

Angsty poem #1

2008-04-05T22:34:00.001-05:00

Life is good when nobody cares.
You only hurt people when they see your life, or you see theirs.
Sometimes you feel you've fallen down a flight of stairs.
Getting up is too hard, can't turn back cause I'm not scared,
Why should I care? You'll only stare.
Life is good when nobody cares.
Especially me, because life isn't fair.

Drat, missed another one.

2008-04-05T03:23:00.001-05:00

At least I was being productive.

The Count

2008-04-03T22:20:00.000-05:00

One week more to call my own.
Two lives to shape and hone.
Three may bring much fear and doubt.
Four times forty I'll cry and shout.
Five fingers on each hand of mine.
Six days before I lose my mind.
Seven before I make my home.

Poems

2008-04-01T23:49:00.001-05:00

I think I shall write a poem.
I'll use the words cause I know'em.
I write in rhyme
and sing in time
And now I'll say Shalom.